Uninvited
by Gater101
Summary: This is not allowed, you are not allowed. Samka, Luby, SamSteve
1. Prologue

_I can't think of a summary but... here ya go!_

Abby waited in Trauma One waiting for the latest in a long run of horrifying traumas that day. She was trying to resist the need to nibble at her nails, instead reverting to flicking her shoulder length hair around her face.

Luka had been distant with her for a few months now and recently he had taken to disappearing in the middle of the night with not so much as a goodbye.

She flicked her eyes around the trauma room and took in the various machines around her and saw a couple of nurses meandering around waiting, like her, for the trauma to roll through the doors. She noticed, with a pang of worry, that Sam was not in. And hadn't been for a couple of days. Abby was worried. Sam was rota-ed to be on for the past week and had not showed up to a single shift.

She had tried to ignore the growing worry that she knew was building within Luka. She wasn't stupid, she knew saw the looks that passed between Sam and Luka sometimes but she trusted Luka and she trusted Sam. The 'looks' had began not two months after Sam had first arrived in the E.R. and Abby had confronted Luka immediately and they died down. They had not disappeared completely but they were sufficiently reduced to a state of where she was able to ignore their exsistence.

She didn't want to think about Luka having an affair - especially not with Sam. She trusted him.

Suddenly, from behind her, she heard the medical students rushing down the corridor and heard the sound of a gurney being pushed down the corridor towards the bay. She saw a frantic Luka sitting astride the motionless form issuing orders, compressing the chest of victim, the faces of the doctor and the patient hidden from her.

The gurney burst through the doors of the Trauma room and Abby looked at the body Luka was frantically trying to resuscitate and she froze.

It was Sam.

As Luka raised his head and his eyes met Abby's, she knew in that second that all that she had tried to ignore, all she had tried to deny was true. She stood still for a second and her eyes roamed over the battered, bruised and split face of Samantha Taggert. She then raised her eyes from the wreck and looked at the distraught face of the man she loved.

The anguish burned through her. The pain those blue eyes held chilled her deep into the bone. The panic they held was enough to spur her into action to attempt to save the life of the woman the man that she loved was in love with.

**TBC**  
_  
I'll try and update tomorrow. You like?_


	2. Chapter 1

**_8 months previous_**

Samantha Taggert groaned as she rolled out of bed. The heating in the apartment had broken down again and the frosty Chicago air hit her semi-naked body as the sheet fell from around her body. She looked back to the other occupant of the bed and shook her head slightly. He still stunk of alcohol from his drinking binge the night before.

She shook her head and glanced at the clock: 0545. She had forty five minutes before she had to leave. Her first shift at the Cook County General Hospital started that day and she had absolutely no intention of being late.

She bustled into the bathroom, limping slightly from the jarring in her hip from where Steve had accidentally pushed her into the dining room table. She looked down and saw a large purple bruise forming around the bone. She winced as she prodded it and decided against any further aggrevation on that part of her anatomy. She turned the shower on and felt the tepid water - with no heating, she doubted there would be any hot water - but it was warm enough for her to cleanse herself quickly.

Shedding her large T-shirt, she stepped under the weak spray and wet her hair and body. After what felt like three minutes, the water ran cold and Sam stepped out, groaning again as the chill air hit her. Quickly, she dried herself off and stepped into the bedroom again.

Going to her drawer she pulled out fresh underwear, her new blue scrubs and a long sleeved blue top to wear underneath.

She made her way to the kitchen where she flipped the switch on the kettle and flopped onto one of teh dining room chairs and sighed. The whole table was covered in beer bottles from where Steve and his mates had drank until the early hours of the morning, playing music loudly, laughing and watching various different porn movies - all the while, Sam had been trying to catch at least a few hours sleep before her shift started.

She was shattered.

Her whole body ached in a way that could only possibly be induced from tiredness - apart from her hip of course - and she felt as though she would not make it through the day. The kettle whistled and she made her coffee.

Looking out the window, she saw that the ground - and her car - were covered in what seemed like a foot of snow and more was quickly gathering on top of that which already laid there. She'd take the train to work - it was only a few minutes of a walk away. 

There was no _way_ she was driving in _that_.

Luka Kovac sat straight up in his bed as his alarm beeped loudly in his ear and yanked him out of yet another fractured dream of his family. Sweat glided down his back and the sheets below him were soaked from where his body had been laying. The sheets were a tangled mess around him and he thanked whoever was listening that Abby had not taken him up on the offer to move in with him. It simply would not be fair for her to be woken up because of his frequent dreams. Abby would want to talk and that was part of his life that he most certainly did not want to talk about.

Dragging himself from the bed his bed, he stumbled into the bathroom and looked at his reflection in the mirror: dark, tired eyes stared back at him. He rubbed his face and looked at his watch: 0545. God, but did he need a long lie.

Deciding to jump in a quick shower, he shed his boxers and T-shirt and stood under the thundering pressure of his shower. He scrubbed at his skin with a bar of soap, to ensure that every remnant of his dream was off him and then stepped out and dried himself.

He made his way into the bedroom and pulled on a pair of fresh boxers and pulled out his green scrubs and a long sleeved gray top to wear underneath. He made his way quickly into the kitchen and looked at the clock: 0600. He had time for a coffee. Flipping on his kettle he looked around the room and his eyes fell on a photograph of him and Abby that had been attached to his fridge with a magnet. He walked over to it and smiled, taking it down from its resting place: it was from last years christmas party (the annual event of the year, which was coming up in under a month). He wore a Santa Hat and a goofy grin while Abby stared at him, with a tinsel halo flying around above her head Sorry, but it's a jibe at 'Fear's "Are you an angel come to take me to heaven?".

The kettle whistled and he dropped the photo on the bench and rushed over to the bubbling kettle and made his coffee.

Looking out the window, he saw the ground covered in almost a foot of snow and saw that more was still falling. He groaned as he sipped his drink and decided to take the El.

There was no _way_ he was taking his Lexus out in _that_.

**TBC **


	3. Chapter 2

Luka stood impatiently tapping his foot against the metal bar behind him, as he leaned his large form against it. He was soaked, chilled to the bone and wa-ay late. He glanced at his watch once again: 7.02. He glared at the screen above him telling him that the train would be there at 0645. He was already two minutes late for his shift - and Kerry was on. This was an excellent way to start his day. His dark hair was plastered to his forehead, his long winter coat sticking clinging to his body, his lips blue no doubt and his teeth were chattering.

He wasn't used to this weather yet.

The wind whistled through the station and he stomped his feet on the ground attempting to restore some feeling in them.

Dammit, but it was cold.

Beside him, he could hear a young, blonde woman muttering to herself as she stared up the tunnel hoping to speed the - now eighteen minute late - train along the tracks. He smiled slightly as he glanced sideways at her and saw her bite her bottom lip and shake her head every few seconds.

He looked away and tried to contain his own growing agitation. A pissed off Kerry was the last thing he needed right now. From down the track, he heard the screeching of the train as it pulled into the station and he heard the woman next to him mutter a quick "Thank God" and he silently agreed with her.

He pushed himself off of the bar and took a few steps forward then stopped when his eyes fixed on the train. Frozen for a few seconds, Luka stared at the speeding train.

"Holy shit..." He muttered as the woman from beside him muttered a similar expression.

He stood rooted for a few seconds until he saw the train jerk and then careen towards the platform.

He spun around and grabbed onto the young blonde woman beside him - who was standing much like he had been, her mouth hanging open slightly and her eyes wide. He pushed her as he threw his arms around her and the force sent them both crashing to the ground a few feet from their initial spot. Instinctively, he covered her body with his own and pulled his hands above his head.

Above him, Luka heard the groaning of metal against metal, the screams of the other passengers waiting on the platform, and then the loud, blood stopping crash as the train flipped off the tracks and slammed into the wall.

Then he heard nothing.

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 3

_"News just in. The Chicago Express Line (I'm guessing that's what EL stands for... if I'm wrong I apologise) Train has jumped off the tracks and has crashed into the busy station at Main Street (Hey, it's just a guess...). The accident occurred just minutes ago and the number of survivors has yet to be confirmed, but from the disaster at the scene, chances are there are very few survivors. And now for the weather..."_

Abby looked up at the small radio that sat at the nurses station and frowned. She hadn't heard anything over the intercom, so she stood and made her way to admit. She saw Jerry hanging over the radio that connected him to various services, and she could hear the familiar voice of Weaver issuing orders, telling the residents, med students, interns and nurses to get their asses ready for an insurge of disaster patients.

"Abby, where the hell is Kovac?" Kerry yelled and Sam shook her head as she moved her body out of the way of a stomping Morris who was trailing a box behind him, huffing all the way.

"I don't know, he should have been here about five minutes ago," she shouted to Kerry who was walking away, before waiting to here Abby's answer.

"I know, and now I'm an attending down in the middle of a disaster! Abby, you're on you're medical student shift - starting now!" Abby sighed and slammed her hand down onto the desk.

There was a shortage of nurses as it was without her having to change to being a doctor. The new nurse - Samantha Taggert - was supposed to start tjhat day and had yet to show up.

"Goddam it," she muttered as she started pulling boxes out of the storage closet and prepared for the first rush of patients.

She looked out to the waiting room and saw that it was adequately busy.

"First trauma should be here in ten minutes, if the traffic is okay!" Jerry called to anyone who was listening.

Abby nodded and looked around. She saw that there was enough hands to deal with the preparations for the overflow of patients that was about to arrive, and decided she would quickly dismiss the minor patients in the waiting room as she waited for the first of the traumas to come in.

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 4

_This bit is kinda grizzly. Describes (not in GREAT detail, but detail) in detail the state of some of the burned bodies. So, if you're squeamish... I just don't want you throwing up or telling me I didn't warn you._

Sam opened her eyes and all she could see was darkness. She heard the sounds of flames crackling, metal groaning, people screaming; groaning; crying. Strangely, she could feel an intense heat scorch through her body and an implacable weight on top of her.

"Well, if this is heaven, I'm disappointed..." she muttered and her mouth was filled with a heavy material.

She tried shifting her body slightly to the left and groaned loudly when her already bruised hip ground across the hard floor.

"_Really_ disappointed..." She groaned again.

Her hands were stuck: one beneath her body and one was crushed awkwardly across her abdomen. She again tried to see, and again she failed. She was actually trying really hard to gulp down a breath of fluff free air. She wondered where she was. She remembered being at the train station waiting to go to work and the train being late.

Then she remembered seeing the train trundle towards her and then a giant of a man - compared to her anyway - knocking her out of the way of the screeching coaches. Then her world went blank as her head came into contact with the hard concrete of the floor.

Holy shit: she was _under_ the giant guy. The (if she remembered correctly) rather attractive giant guy. What if he was _dead?_

"Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap," she muttered against the think fabric of what she now knew was his coat. She could feel panic rising inside her: lying under a dead guy was not her favourite way to begin the day.

She tried pushing him off of her with her upper body, her hands and arms still trapped but to no avail.

She was trapped.

She stilled again and listened to the noises around her.

She could hear the wail of sirens: three distinct 'whoops', echoing loudly around her from down below. She could hear the heavy sound of the fire engines, hear the frantic cries of those around her. That train must have held at least three hundred people. She clenched her eyes shut as a wave of pain crashed through her head and she remembered the way the train had tripped off the tracks and came flying towards her, crushing countless of innocent and oblivious passengers.

Above her, she felt movement and she breathed deeply when the man above her raised his top half off of her. He let out an agonising groan and Sam instinctively reached up and put her hand on his shoulder, silently asking if he was okay.

He looked down at her and frowned, then tilted his head slightly. She felt his body tense at the action and she knew that he had sustained some sort of injury to his neck. He looked back at her with a look of relief mixed with agony, confusion and something she didn't recognise.

"Are you okay?" He asked, as he sat up slowly, every crease on his face indicating to Sam how much pain he was in. She noted his accent and realised instantly that he was definitely not American.

She herself sat up and took in the scene around her. The front carriage of the El was hanging over the balcony, hovering dangerously above the street below and she could see the driver's bloody face faced against the glass. Dead. Her eyes wandered over the carriage that was roughly thirty feet away from her feet and she saw that everyone in the forward carriage looked to be dead. Her eyes scanned across the battered and bent line of similar coaches and her face grew more contorted as she did so.

Flames poured from almost every carriage - especially the ones near the rear end of the train. She could hear the tortured screams of the few remaining passengers inside and she turned her eyes to the man sitting beside her. He was in much the same state of shock as she was, but she could see that his mind was not entirely on the scene before him. She reached her hand out and touched his shoulder again and he jerked around to lookat her face.

She took in his form. His dark eyes wide and staring, full of anguish, his nose bleeding (no doubt from an impact on her body), his top lip torn and bloody. His long legs were folded neatly in front of him - a sight she found amazing due to the sheer size of the man.

"Are you okay? Let me check you over," she said as she moved towards him but he shook his head and attempted to stand up.

"No, no. I'm fine, I need to help those who..." he looked past her head again and she followed his gaze.

There were people still trying to roll out the flames that encompassed their body and Sam could smell the distinct, putrifying scent of scorched flesh. She saw bundles already alight and unmoving. She looked away and tried to control the gagging sensation she felt within her.

She looked back to the man and saw him gripping his neck and squeezing his eyes shut.

She leaned over to him again and took his hand away from his neck.

"You need to get checked out before you go anywhere," she said and he looked at her with a sceptical look in his eyes. "Don't worry, I know what I'm doing," she assured him with a smile and he simply nodded.

She first looked over the injuries on his face: all superficial, his nose just bruised, not broken. Her hands skimmed over his shoulders but she was reluctant to remove his jacket: the last thing she needed was for him to catch hypothermia. She tried desperately to block out the torturous screams of those around her.

"How do your ribs feel?" She asked as she pressed them gently and felt him flinch away from her.

She raised her eyebrow and he shook his head.

"No, they're not broken. Just bruised from the way I fell," he muttered and lifted his eyes to her face.

She pressed her hands more firmly against his ribcage and saw him frown in pain. They were sturdy, unmoving.

"Okay, how about your legs? Can you move your ankles and toes?"

He nodded again.

"Okay, and your neck?" She leaned over his head to look at his neck and she inhaled quickly. "You've got second degree burns from the top of yuor back to the base of your skull," she told him as she gently pulled his collar away from his neck.

He hissed his breath out and it tickled on Sam's chest. She pulled her body back and looked at him. He seemed to be in a lot of pain.

"Is there any more injuries?" She asked and he shook his head again.

"I'm fine. I need to help these people, I'm a doctor."

Sam looked at him skeptically but eyed his green scrub trousers and pulled back.

"What about you?" He asked as his eyes roamed over her face and down her body assessing her injuries.

"I'm fine," she replied and he nodded. He saw the way she had been moving as she assessed him and knew that her injuries were not severe.

He made to stand up again but stumbled. Sam stood next to him and helped him stand. Once he was up, a nauseating sense of vertigo hit him and he leaned heavily against her. He closed his eyes for a moment and then opened them, taking in - again - the scene around him.

Water and foam were spraying over the carriages now but he saw no medical personnell. He frowned and wondered why, but when he heard an explosion coming from one of the carriages, he knew why: it simply wasn't safe yet.

He felt the petite woman beside him flinch and he pressed her shulder firmly.

"I've got to help some of these people or they aren't going to make it out of here," he took a step away from her and his eyes picked out the closest and neediest victim to him.

He made it two steps away from the woman before she was at his side again. he looked at her and frowned.

"Let me help you," he began to shake his head but she cut him off. "I'm a nurse," she motioned to her bottom half which he now realised were covered in blue scrubs.

He nodded and motioned her over to the young boy he had seen.

"I saw him moving around earlier, then he just collapsed."

The woman nodded and followed him to the young boy.

Luka kneeled down beside him and his fingers moved immediately to his neck to check his pulse. He felt it, weak and erratic.

"Pulse is weak and erratic."

He looked to the woman and saw her nodding as her eyes quickly scanned his body.

Luka felt strangely calm. Around him, mass hysteria was unfolding, people running around screaming, fire fighters issuing orders left and right, he could feel the soaring heat scald his already scorched nerves on his neck, feel sweat prickling at his hairline but there was a sense of calmness and authority about his words and actions.

His neck stung like a bitch and he tried hard not to reach his hand around and rub at it.

"Head lac, about two inches wide, quite deep." She paused as her hands drifted down the boys body. Luka looked at his face: he was about seven years old, with a parka melted at various parts and sticking to his body. His face was covered in blood, his lips swollen, his skin blistered in numerous places. He looked away.

"Ah... looks like a piece of metal's embedded into his abdomen, he's bleeding profusely," he heard her voice say and he winced and drew his lips into his teeth. He looked around at the rest of the bodies and wondered which one was his parents - if they had been here at all. He hoped not.

"Okay," he nodded. "There's not much we can do without supplies." He tugged at his jacket and gasped as he pulled skin as his jacket left his neck and shoulders.

"Here let me get that."

He looked up at her and saw her move towards him. He watched her face, he couldn't help it but she was attractive. She moved behind him and he felt her pause as she looked around her again. The snow had soaked her hair and the strands were hanging in loose curls curls around her face, the wind blowing her hair around. He felt her remove his jacket and move to his front again.

"Okay, put it over the wound and apply pressure."

She looked up at him with a raised eyebrow and an indignant look in her eye.

"Sorry," he muttered, remembering that she was a nurse.

He stood up and moved over to a body that was two feet from him.

A young woman with what looked like a baby in her arms. Luka gulped as he reached down and pulled the blanket away from the bundle in her arms. Horrified, he pulled back and his body hit into Sam as she stood behind him.

"Oh God," he heard her mutter. "It's just a baby..."

Luka nodded and lifted his eyes from the sight in front of him. He stood again and looked around.

"I tied your coat around his abdomen as tight as possibly to apply pressure to stem the bleeding." She paused. "I don't think he'll make it to the hospital."

Luka nodded and looked around again. He saw that an ambulance crew had been allowed in and he quickly made his way over to them.

**TBC**

_My but that was long... I'll update soon!_


	6. Chapter 5

Suddenly, there was an insurge of medical personnell and Luka silently thanked them all. He didn't recognise any of the doctor's as being from County General, so assumed they were from Mercy, which was closer to the station. He saw two paramedics looking around and moved quickly over to them.

"There is a young boy over there," he pointed behind him to where Sam was still perched over the child. "He has a rod of metal lacerating his abdomen. Pulse is weak and erratic, could be hypothermic by now."

The paramedics looked at him and he saw the look of sheer anguish that crossed their faces. And also the question in their eyes.

"I'm a doctor at County Genral ER, Doctor Kovac," he announced and they simply nodded.

He grabbed two disaster scene kit boxes from the back of the ambulance he was now standing in front of and moved back towards the young nurse, knowing that the paramedics would follow him. He kept his head bent and tried to ignore the scene around him. He had seen too many disasters in his life. Had seen too many lives being taken by a pointless act.

_Danijela_, his mind supplied and he quickly shook his head.

_Now_ was _not_ the time.

As he reached the site, he dropped one of the boxes next to the nurse and she looked up at him in surprise, her full lips parting slightly.

He could see that her lips were swollen and saw her lick occasionally the spot where her lip was cut. She had a bruise forming on her face, to the left of her left eye.

"Medics are here," he stated simply and tried not to notice how her eyes travelled up and down his body. He knew that if he were under any other circumstances, he would find her even more attractive than he already did.

She nodded quickly and grabbed the handle on the large plastic box.

"I'll go find some more patients who'll need help," she told him and he nodded. He could hear the pain in her voice but he knew it was not from physical injury.

He watched her step carefully through the debris and observe numerous bodies, silently shaking her head as she saw that most of them were all dead. He told himself that he didn't find her gently swaying hips attractive.

He quickly conjured up an image of Abby and nodded, telling himself he would see her that night.

"Call me if you need any help!" He called after her.

She turned quickly and smiled and then he realised that he didn't even know her name.

**TBC**


	7. Chapter 6

"How the hell did it actually manage to get off the tracks in the first place?" Abby inquired loudly as she rushed along the corridor of the ER towards the trauma room, while pressing down heavily on the abdomen of a young boy who had been brought in from the crash.

"Apparently there was something on the tracks, ice or a rock I'm not sure. The fire department are still looking into it, but the fire still isn't out," one of the paramedics shouted back to her above the din of screaming patients.

She nodded and looked down at the boy. His brightly coloured parka was melted in various places onto his skin, he had a laceration to his head and a thirty centimetre rod of metal skewered through his abdomen. Abby had to admire the make shift pressure applier that had been created by someone at the scene - she would have done the same.

She pulled the jacket off and threw it to the floor as she reached the trauma room. Neela was at the head of the bed, compressing the balloon that would carry air to his already intubated lungs.

"Get Carter!" Abby shouted as she attached the child up to various machines that would tell her of his true condition.

When she had finished and she was waiting for John Carter to arrive, she looked at him again. He looked to be about seven years old. She shook her head and looked around outside the trauma room.

_Where the hell was Luka?_

"Every body, get out, get out now!" Luka snapped his head up from where it was bent over yet another patient who needed intubated. He looked around him and quickly inserted the tube and inserted the tube that would connect him to the balloon that would hopefully save his life.

The two fire fighters beside him began moving the gurney and he walked along beside it, his fingers compresing on the rubber. When he reached the ambulance he stepped away and said:

"Male, about thirty nine years old. Severe injuries to his neck - get them to check his c-spine. Broken both legs and his right arm, his ribs and has probably inhaled a great deal of smoke."

The paramedics nodded and pushed the gurney into the ambulance and jumped in beside it.

Luka snapped his gloves off and made to walk back into where he was needed most when a firm hand on his elbow stopped him. He turned around and saw the burly, smoke smeared face of the Chief of the fire department.

"What's going on?" Luka asked and looked around, trying to find the nurse form earlier.

"There's electricity jumping about all over the place, there's fire and it's not under control." Luka tried to pull away again, thinking that the risks were the same as they had been four hours earlier but was firmly stopped. "There's also petrol on board."

Luka snapped his ead around and stared questioningly at the man.

"Yeah," he nodded and moved away.

_This wasn't an accident?_

"Hey!" He called out to the Chief and he turned back towards him. "Where's the nurse?"

The Chief shrugged his shoulders, his hands splayed upwards towards the sky.

"Which one?"

Luka frowned slightly then realised that there was no difference between a medic and a nurse to this man.

"Woman, long blond hair, curly?" He described and kept his eyes looking frantically around.

"Haven't seen her," he heard the fireman say and he nodded before walking off in the other direction.

He reached his hand up to rub at his bandaged neck, the cool pack held underneath had long ceased being cool. It _itched_. He ran his hands through his hair and tugged at it slightly.

Then he saw her, just as she hit the floor near the upturned carriages.

Ignoring the stinging in his neck, and the angry bellows from the numerous fire fighters who were trying to evacuate the area, he ran towards her as quick as he could. His feet hit off of numerous corpses and he stumbled more than once but he persisted.

As he reached her, his feet slipped on a patch of water that had turned to ice and he fell and jarred his shoulder. Groaning, he pushed himself up with his right arm and moved more carefully towards her. Towering above her, he could see her pale skin, only made paler by the sight of the red blood that was trailing down the side of her head. He reached down and put one of his arms under her knees and the other around her shoulders.

He moaned as he lifted her and her weight pulled at his shoulder, but he kept going.

He made it two steps forward when, from somewhere behind him, he heard the thunder and felt a heat slimb through his body. He heard the yells from somehwere else but he didn't know where. He lost his balance and he dropped the slender woman onto the ground and fell on top of her as another rumble of thunder and even more heat scorched up him.

He tried to move, but he couldn't. All he could feel was darkness pulling at him.


	8. Chapter 7

Sam opened her eyes to a grey ceiling and a bright white light. She snapped her eyes closed as the piercing sensation sent knives into her brain.

"Hey," she heard a gentle female voice to her right and she turned her head in that direction and attempted to open her eyes again. "You've got a tube in your throat because you were having some difficulty breathing. Want me to take it out?"

Sam nodded quickly and turned her head back to the ceiling.

"Okay, I want you to cough on three, you got it?"

She fought the urge to roll her eyes and nodded instead.

As the tube was pulled from her throat, Sam coughed and gagged slightly. What a horrible feeling.

"My name is Abby, can you tell me your name?"

"Sam, Sam Taggert." She looked around and saw that there was another nurse standing at the foot of the bed, flicking through a chart. "Where am I?"

"You're in County General," said Abby and Sam cringed slightly.

She lifted her hand off the bed and saw Abby's eyes turn towards it, then look back to her face with a questioning look in her eyes.

"Samantha Taggert, the new ER nurse," she smiled slightly when she saw Abby's lips form an 'O'.

"We thought you'd changed your mind, Weaver was having kittens... I think she might let you off seeing as you have a pretty good excuse for being late." Abby grinned.

Sam laughed slightly but stopped when her ribs began to burn. She reached her hand up and pressed it tightly to her chest.

"Ah, yeah, you have some bruised ribs. The way you fell, and then the impact of Luka landing on top of you, sort of... bruised them."

Sam looked at Abby questioningly at the mention of the name 'Luka'.

"Luka?" She cocked her head to the side, still clutching her chest as her eyelids became heavy, trying to pull her into sleep.

"Yeah?" She heard a familiar gravelly, heavily accented voice coming from the doorway but her foggy brain refused to acknowledge who the voice belonged to. "Abby, they need you in trauma one," he said and nodded in the direction of trauma one.

"Okay," Abby turned to Sam and smiled. "I'll be back later to check in on you."

Sam nodded and watched Abby walk away. She heard the doors swing shut, and she closed her eyes as her eyes' tiredness finally won out.

Luka stood at the foot of her bed and studied her sleeping form. She now had a patch of gauze at the left hand side of her forehead from where she had hit her head as she fell, her lips were still swollen, her eyes tinted dark with bruises, her right cheek swollen and he could see the edge of a bandage peak over the top of the gown she had been put in.

He looked down at her chart and shook his head slightly. Bruises covered most of her body, and he noticed that someone - most likely Abby - had noted that some looked old, too old to have been from the crash. Her hip bone was seriously bruised, her ribs too. She had stopped breathing in the ambulance and they had had to intubate her.

He reached up and ran his hand across his neck, which had sustained more burns as a result of his heroism and he tensed slightly when he pressed a little too heavily onto it. He couldn't move his head about too much without pulling at the tight, charred skin. He then reached up and touched lightly the lump on the right hand side of his forehead where he had hit it off of the concrete when he had pushed the woman out of the way of the El. His shoulder still ached from when he fell on the ice but he had taken a shot of vicodin to ease it slightly. He rolled it back and forwards and felt the muscles twinge slightly but it was bearable. When he had woken up in the ambulance as it screamed through the streets of Chicago he was told he had been lucky.

He didn't know if he would call it luck.

The images he had seen would no doubt haunt his dreams for months to come.

The rush had died down slightly, he was told, and Kerry had ordered him to go home when she realised that he had been involved in the crash. He had told her he had to go and see if one of his patients had been brought to County when he heard the shouts from Carter to "Get Abby!" When he opened the swing door to exam three and he saw Abby talking to The Nurse he had felt a strange sense of relief.

And then something else entirely when he heard her say his name.

He shook his head and tried futily to rid those thoughts from his head.

He hadn't really had a chance to talk to Abby but he knew that he would see her later that night.

"Hey," he looked up to The Nurse and smiled at her slightly, his smile genuine when he heard her voice break the silence. "What are you doing here?"

He pointed to his face, his neck and then his shoulder and shrugged with his right arm.

She smiled at him and pointed to all of her own injuries and Luka smiled when she was still pointing a minute later.

"From what I hear, I caused more damage to you than the fire did," he smiled sheepishly and heard her laughing. It was a sound that sent shivers down his spine.

"Aaah!" She groaned. "Don't make me laugh," she panted and he looked at her sheepishly, bting his bottom lip.

He placed her chart on the end of her bed and moved up to her side.

"Sorry," he said as he reached her side and began fiddling with the machines, reading her vitals. He saw her head tilt towards him and felt her eyes travel up and down his body again.

"I hope you know what you're doing," she spoke with a half serious, half mocking tone and a smile.

"I work here, so I hope I know what I'm doing."

Sam felt her breathe catch in her throat as she heard his words.

_Shiiiiit._

She tried to form a coherent sentence and looked up at him again, her eyes once again taking in his handsome form.

"Uuuh," she muttered and saw him smile slightly and saw that he was watching her from the corner of his eye with a smile tugging at his lips. She looked away and cleared her throat. "Me too."

She saw his head snap around and his amused half smile was replaced with a look of sheer panic as his eyes flailed between her and the swing door that looked across the hall to the trauma room.

He tried to stop his jaw from dropping and he instinctively looked towards trauma one and saw Abby rushing around with an ET tube in her hand. He gulped slightly and then looked back to The Nurse and smiled tightly.

"Doctor Luka Kovac," he held his hand out towards her and saw her eyes move down towards his arms to it.

"Nurse Sam Taggert, started this morning," she replied and he tried to ignore the tingling sensation that made its way up his arm at the touch of her hand.

Oh, this was _not_ good.

**TBC**


	9. Chapter 8

Sam stood outside the doors of County General ER and stared up at the dark, silent El station. She had been discharged half an hour ago and had had to speak with Kerry Weaver about her whereabouts. Weaver had looked about ready to blow a fuse when Sam introduced herself to the woman but after explaining her situation, Weaver had apologised and dismissed her. Her shift would have been over anyway. She had called Steve and told him what had happened. He had panicked of course, wondering if she was okay and fuming at the fact that the hospital hadn't called him immediately. She had reassured him and told him she would get a taxi home, knowing that he had probably been drinking for a few hours now - there was after all a game on and she could hear the raised voices of his friends in the background.

She looked down to the ground when images of inflamed people, burned children and dying adults invaded her mind. She closed her eyes against it but the images persisted. She could feel tears pouring from her eyes as she remembered the baby lying, charred, in it's mothers arms. The face of the frantic father searching for his son and daughter. The frail, elderly woman with white hair clutching at her arm asking when the next train was coming, as her lungs and heart failed her. 

Stumbling backwards, she leaned against the wall and took several deep breaths trying to calm her breathing and restore order to her mind. She looked up again to the station - just like the one that she had been in - and saw it sitting dark and empty.

"Long day, huh?"

Sam turned quickly and recognised the face of Abby Lockhart - a fellow nurse. Sam nodded and wiped at the tears on her face.

"Hey, you okay?" Abby asked and placed a gloved hand on Sam's arm.

The snow had ceased falling but still it lay thick on the ground, covering every inch apart from the entrance to the ER.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she replied as she swiped again at the tears. "Just waiting for a taxi to get out of here. Like you said, it's been a long day."

Abby frowned slightly as though in thought, then looked up at Sam again.

"I could drive you home if you like?"

Sam shook her head.

"No, it's fine. The taxi should be here, like now." As she said it, a taxi drew up and Sam signalled that she would be two minutes. "I'll see you tomorrow?" She asked.

Abby looked surprised.

"You'll be in tomorrow?" Sam nodded. "Then yeah, I start at nine - and that's am." Sam smiled and made to walk away when Abby put her hand out again. "Hey, if you need to talk..." She took out a pen from her scrub pocket and a piece of scrap paper that looked like a receipt, write something on it and handed it Sam.

Sam looked at the number that was scrawled across the paper with the name Abby written in capital letters across the top and smiled in thanks.

"Thank you." She smiled again and put her hand on Abby's arm and walked away and into the taxi.

Abby stood for a few more moments, watching the taxi pull out of the bay.

"Who was that?"

Abby turned and leaned up and kissed Luka.

"Sam." Luka nodded and turned to where the taxi had been.

"I could have given her a lift home," Luka said and Abby nodded.

"I did ask, she said she'd rather have a taxi." She paused then spoke. "So, what you want to do tonight?" She asked as she took his arm and walked away towards the parking lot and Luka's car.

"I was thinking maybe we could rent a movie, have some dinner," he murmured and Abby nodded. "I just don't feel like going out." Abby nodded again.

She stopped and Luka did too. She placed her hand on his other arm and pressed her body into his. She felt his arms encircle her waist.

"When I saw you being wheeled in on the gurney... I was so worried," she could feel tears welling up in her eyes, and felt her throat close tightly.

"Hey, hey, hey," he soothed as his hand rubbed over her hair. "I'm here and I'm safe."

They stayed like that for a few more minutes and snow began to fall around them again.

Finally, Abby pulled away and wiped at her eyes.

"I heard what you did for Sam," she paused and looked up into his face and saw that he was looking off into the distance. "You didn't have to do that."

He looked back down at her with a blank expression and then he nodded, closing his eyes.

"I know. There was just... My subconscious have known she was was one of us," he tried to joke and Abby hit him playfully on the arm.

"I just... just promise me you won't do anything that stupid again?"

Luka stared at her for a few seconds.

_I can't do that._

"I'll try not to," he smiled and put his arm around her waist and guided her to the car.

Sam paid the taxi driver and painfully stepped out of the back seat. She breathed deeply as she closed the door. The taxi pulled away and she walked up to the front door of her apartment block. Her chest was aching again and her head pounded. She pushed the heavy door open and went into the elevator that was already waiting on the ground floor.

When the doors slid shut, she leaned her back and head against the wall and closed her eyes, allowing the images to flow back into her mind. She was too tired to fight them now.

When the elevator _ding!ed_ and the doors opened, she could hear the heavy rock music screeching from her apartment. She stepped out of the elevator and pressed her hand to the side of her head as the sound vibrations hit her. She made it to the door and opened it, knowing that it wouldn't be locked.

The sight that greeted her was enough to send her blood boiling. But not tonight. Not tonight. Tonight, all she wanted to do was sleep.

As soon as she entered the living room, Steve was staggering towards her, his hands flailing about trying to figure out which of the three Sam's in front of him was the real one.

"Hey, baby," she him slur and she reeled when she smelled the alcohol strongly on his breath.

"Hey, I'm going to bed," she said and pushed past him, ignoring the leering looks she always received from his friends. She made it into the bedroom and then he was there, his hands instantly going to cup her breasts but she pushed him away. 

"Come on, baby," he pushed as he attempted to reach out again, and kissed her neck with alcohol soaked lips.

She relented for a second but when his hands began to push up her top, she grabbed his wrists and pushed him away.

"I said no!" 

She turned quickly away from him and then felt his hand grip her wrist painfully and she spun around.

"Let go of me," she hissed.

"Not until I've had my fill of you," he leered, careering towards her with his hands spread wide and he attempted to grope her again.

Sam took a step back and then when he grabbed hold of her again, she put both her hands on his chest and pushed as much as her tender body would allow.

"Leave me alone!"

She used his momentary lack of balance to get away from him and she ran into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. She locked the door quickly and heard Steve pounding on the door but she ignored it. Leaning back against the door, with her hands on the door handle, she waited for him to go. After a few more minutes of Steve trying to coax her out, there was silence.

Sam let the first sob escape her. Then another and another and another until her whole body shuddered and she could no longer stand. She let her body slide down the door and covered her face with her hands and stayed there until the sound of music drained away and until the images of her waking mind receded into the images of her unconscious mind.

**TBC**


	10. Chapter 9

_One week later_

"I'm pretty tired of doctors thinking we work for them," Sam half yelled, half muttered as she threw her chart on the worktop at admit. "That they can tell us what to do."

She stamped a dot above one of her 'i's and the nib of her pen snapped off. She looked at it with a look of disgust on her face and threw the offending pen on the floor somewhere near the bin.

"Luka again?" She heard Abby asked and she nodded while pulling out various pens from the pen tub and forcing them back in when none of them suited her.

"What is it with his 'holier-than-thou-healing-hands'? I'm quickly getting sick of that routine." She found a pen and nodded to Chuney as she stomped her way out of admit again.

"Those healing hands are pretty good for one thing at least, huh, Abby?" Chuney teased and Abby crumpled up a piece of paper and threw it at the Hispanic nurse, who laughed in response.

Sam finally finished issuing out all the antibiotics that Kovac had ordered and she made her way into the lounge. Her initial thoughts on the good doctor had changed somewhat. Sure, he was a good looking guy but his attitude stunk beyond belief. She couldn't believe he made her do eighteen IV's in one hour on top of the others she had to do for Gallant, Pratt and Neela, just so he could get credit for discharging the most amounts of patients that day.

She marched over to the coffee maker and set it to strong.

"Hey, Sam."

Sam turned around quickly and saw Abby sitting on the sofa with her outdoor jacket and gloves on. She smiled over her surprise and greeted Abby. 

"You off, now?"

Abby nodded and stood up.

"Hey, you going to the Christmas party?" Abby asked as she retrieved her bag out of her locker.

Sam thought for a few seconds before nodding.

"Yeah, but I got nothing to wear."

Abby nodded and smiled, raising her eyebrow slightly.

"Well, neither do I. What time do you get off?"

Sam looked at the clock.

"Uh... another hour."

"Okay. What would you say to some shopping later today? We could pick up some new clothes, buy a few Christmas gifts, get some lunch, what do you say?"

Sam assessed how tired she was. It was six thirty now and by the time she got home it would be about eight am. She could grab a few hours sleep, then meet Abby. God knew that she needed some new clothes and to start at least looking for Christmas gifts.

And some female friends.

"Sure. What time?" She answered with a smile and she turned around to make her coffee. She poured in lots of milk and added two sugars.

"How about one o'clock at the entrance to the plaza?"

Sam nodded and took a sip from her coffee. Aaah, just what she needed.

"See you later," Abby called as she left the lounge.

"See you," Sam said to the empty room and smiled to herself.

She'd had her doubts - after the train crash and the attitude of some of the doctor's in the place, not to mention the weather - but maybe Chicago wasn't all that bad.

"Hey beautiful, I see you went shopping yesterday. Buy anything nice?" Steve asked as he stepped into the bedroom where Sam was trying to catch some sleep before her shift started in five hours time.

Sam groaned and turned her face into the pillow, and tried to ignore Steve's attempt at seduction.

"Steve, I'm trying to sleep. I have work in like five hours and I've not had that much sleep," she informed him, her voice muffled by the pillow on top of her head.

She felt the bed dip and then Steve's light touch on her back. She pressed herself further into the bed in an attempt to rid her skin of his touch. Ever since they had moved from Ohio to Chicago, Sam couldn't bear to let him touch her. Ever since he had cheated on her with that bimbo hula dancer at the summer festival.

She felt his hot breath on her neck and smelled the faint lingering of liquor and she tugged the covers further up her back and over head. She felt the bed move again as he shifted closer to her. She rolled onto her back and stared defiantly up at him. 

"You never let me touch you anymore, baby. You're not cheating on me are you?" He asked as he cupped her face in his hands and pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear.

She sighed and rolled her eyes and tried to pry her face away from his grip.

"No, I'm not."

"Good. Because you know that I wouldn't be happy if I ever found out that you were fucking someone else, right?"

His grip on her face got tighter and Sam could feel the still tender spot on her forehead begin to ache and she nodded her head quickly, only for him to relieve the pressure there.

"Good," he said and lowered his lips to hers and crushed them together. She squirmed slightly and then he backed off. He let her head go sharply and stood up from the bed. "I'm going down to Jay's to watch the game." Sam nodded as she rolled over onto her still bruised ribs to hide the tears forming in her eyes. "I'll see you tomorrow, beautiful. I love you."

And then he was gone.

Sam tried to fall back into sleep but she simply couldn't. She looked at the clock. Three o'clock in the afternoon. Her shift started in five hours and she had only had two and a half hours sleep.

She groaned and rolled out of bed. She made her way into the bathroom and looked at her face in the mirror. Her fading bruises were still visible and she tried to wear her hair down whenever possible to hide them from patients but it wasn't always possible - especially not in traumas. Her eyes were ringed with dark circles that she could no longer pass off as bruises. Her lip still had a scab in the corner. Her cheeks now had long finger prints on them that she knew would bruise. She ran her hands down her side until she came into contact with her hip bone. She lifted up her shirt and saw the still purple bruise on her there. She closed her eyes as she pressed into it.

It was at times like these, after Steve had 'talked' to her, that she enjoyed the pain. She laughed and shook her head at her seemingly maniacal thoughts. But the pain made her feel real, reminded her that she _was_ real.

She closed her eyes and turned away from the unfamiliar reflection. She made her way to the sofa and lay down and closed her eyes.

When she next opened them, the street outside was dark and the clock read eight seventeen.

Shit. She was late.

Just as Sam made her way to the lounge to end her excruciatingly long shift, she heard Carter call out to her to help him with the latest trauma that had burst through the door.

"My shift finished, like fifteen minutes ago!" She shouted back and kept walking.

"There's no one else here, come on!"

"Where's Abby?"

"She's up in surgery with a patient. Sam, come on!"

She sighed and turned on her heel and followed Carter into the trauma room. And then she saw Luka.

All dressed up in a fancy suit, his longer than normal hair swept to the side and looking damn fine as he inserted the buds of a stethoscope into his ears and listened to the heartbeat of the man on the bed.

He looked up and greeted her with a smile and Sam stuttered slightly when Carter spoke to her.

Assessing the man's injuries Sam listened to Carter and Kovac.

"Any pain here, sir?"

"No," the man replied to Carter's enquiry about his neck and continued his laboured breathing.

"What are you doing here today then if you're not on?"

Sam looked up to Luka and saw his eyes flick towards her and then away just as quickly. She shook her head slightly and frowned.

"I'm giving a lecture to the med students on clinical decision making without the use of ansulory tests," he replied whilst listening to the man's lungs and Sam looked up at him again before quickly looking away.

"Look towards me."

Sam picked up a few instruments and looked at the man's vitals.

"And now Doctor Kovac." There was a pause. "Any pain there?"

Sam looked up again and saw Luka's eyes on her face once more. She knew why he was looking, the dark lines across both her cheeks were rather prominent against her pale skin.

"No."

"That's pretty cool," Carter addressed Luka who then looked away from Sam.

She tried to ignore the look of worry in his eyes and also the strange sensation that look had on her stomach.

"I never taught in a classroom before," he said by way of modesty.

"Don't worry about it, you're a natural," Carter assured him and Luka smiled tightly, his eyes once again flicking towards Sam.

"Trauma apps drawn," Sam stated as she dropped a couple of instruments onto the table.

"See this is exactly what I'm talking about. All he needs is a CBC and UA," Luka said as he gestured about with the clipboard and pen.

Now Sam remembered why she wasn't having 'thoughts' about Luka Healing Hands Kovac.

"Diffuse abdominal pain: he meets trauma guidelines. I'm sending a trauma panel," she told him in her matter-of-fact tone and she saw him cock his jaw and raise an eyebrow at her.

"There's no rebound regarding. He doesn't need LFDs. He doesn't need amylase and he doesn't need typed and crossed." Sam stared him in the eye as he continued his speech and pursed her lips and raised her eyebrow back at him. 

After a pause she spoke.

"Nurses have to follow protocols."

"They're not necessary," his tone was patronising.

Sam shook her head and looked back at him.

"You know what, why don't you keep your lectures for the med students cause the nurses don't wanna hear it." She grabbed the clipboard form his hands and began walking away. "I'm outta here."

She walked out of the trauma room and ignored Carter's "What the hell was that?" and the burning sensation on her back from where she knew Kovac was watching her retreating form.

Goddamit but he got under her skin.

"Here," she passed the clipboard to Chuney who had just arrived. "Trauma one."

As she left the hospital, she checked her cell phone and found that she had a new message from Abby.

She listened to the voice of the woman who had quickly become her close friend and smiled. She noted down the address she recited on a receipt from Ike's and then snapped her cell phone shut. She waited until she was strapped into her seat in her car before calling back.

"Hey, Abby, it's me Sam. Just called to say that a movie would be great. Eight o'clock at your place. Got it, see ya."

She hung up and started the engine, and drove out of County General parking lot.

As Sam climbed the stairs to Abby's apartment, she couldn't help but be impressed by the corridors. They were well maintained and had flower pots and paintings still hanging on the walls.

As she reached the door, she double checked on the piece of paper to make sure and then she reached up and knocked.

When the door opened a few seconds later, the sight was enough to send her into a premature angina attack with some hyperventilation thrown in for good measure. 

"Luka?" She finally managed as her eyes slid up and down his semi-naked body.

**TBC**


	11. Chapter 10

Sam fought the urge to look to the ground to see where her jaw had dropped and continued to stare at the tanned and toned form of Luka Kovac. His hair was ruffled and standing on end at various points, his eyes tired and heavy looking - the familiar dark circles still present. His top half was _completely_ naked and his bottom half covered only by a pair of shorts.

Sam looked away embarassed after a few looong seconds of stunned silence and she could feel her cheeks begin to burn. She tried to fight off the smile that was escaping her and bit down hard onto her lip.

Luka, who was standing slightly to the left of the door, leaned against the wall - his own eyes trailing up and down the petite form of Sam Taggert. She wore a pair of low rise dark jeans that hugged her legs beautifully, a soft white v-neck sweater that dipped right down between her breasts and her hair was straighter than normal, curls in slight waves and hanging loose around her shoulders.

He cleared his throat as he dragged his eyes back up towards her face. He could see her pink tinted cheeks and the growing smile on her lips. He self consciously brought a hand up to his shoulder and scratched it lightly.

"Uh... what are you doing here?" He asked as he finally managed to form a semi-coherent sentence.

He was surprised to see her when he opened the door but when he felt her eyes take in his body his eyes had did the same to hers and he had been stunned. She looked amazing.

"Uh..." Sam stuttered as she tried to look at him without allowing her eyes to dip below his neck line. She wouldn't meet his eyes. Luka could see her eyes dip occasionally to his bare torso and then straight back up to his face. "Abby..." She coughed slightly to clear her throat and Luka smiled at her uncomfortable state. "Abby and I are going to catch a movie tonight." Luka nodded. "And uh..." Her eyes drifted south again and Luka tried to contain his grin. "She gave me this address..." he saw her frown of confusion shift into an 'oh' face and he frowned himself. "I didn't know that you and Abby..." Her eyes darted to the wall beside the door and she reached out to fiddle with doorjamb.

Luka watched her for a few more seconds, mesmerised by the change he had seen in her.

"Uh... yeah. Come on in," he stepped away from the entrance and waved his arm into his apartment. He let her walk past him and then closed his eyes as her scent caught in his nostrils. "Let me go put something on," he said and turned back into the apartment after closing the door.

He almost walked right into her back.

"Wow... nice place."

He put his hand on her back and guided her down the last few stairs into the lounge.

"Yeah, it's okay." He smiled at her before walking away towards his bedroom.

Once he reached the sanctuary, he leant against the door frame and took several deep breaths. He could do this, it was only until Abby got here. He looked at the clock on the wall at the foot of his bed. Ten minutes, that's all.

He walked over to one of the drawers and pulled out a dark grey T-shirt and pulled it over his head. He scrubbed his hands over his face and attempted to both wake himself up and prepare himself for going back out into the lounge.

When he did finally make it back to the lounge, he saw Sam sitting with her head leaning on the back of the sofa, her eyes closed and her lips parted slightly. He leaned against the arm of the sofa and watched her for a second. He made to walk out of the room again but his leg hit on the side table and knocked a half empty glass of water onto the carpet. 

He leaned down quickly and saw Sam sit up from where she was half reclined on his sofa. He saw her make to get up but he put his hand up and signalled for her to sit back down.

"It's okay, I got it."

He picked up the glass and decided just to leave the water to soak into the carpet.

"You want a coffee?" He asked as he moved towards the kitchen that was slightly raised from the lounge.

"You have any beer?" He heard her ask and smiled as he moved to the fridge.

Opening it, he saw that yes, he did have beer.

"Sure. Is a Bud okay for you?" He called over the door of the fridge.

"Yeah." 

When he turned back around he saw that Sam was standing before his bookcase, her right index finger trailing across the spines of various books - both fiction and non-fiction. He moved silently up behind her and stopped just inches from her back. 

"Here," he said as he put his arm out holding her beer. He saw her jump slightly at his voice and turn around.

"Thanks," she muttered as she moved around him back to the sofa.

The only sound in the room for a few seconds was the almost mute music coming from the TV that was switched on to MTV. Luka stood in front of the bookcase for a few seconds and watched her as she sat on the leather couch.

"Listen," he began as he walked towards the armchair to the left of the sofa. "About this morning-"

"Ah, forget it," she said as she waved her hand in front of her face signalling to him that it was okay.

"No. Sometimes I can be a little..." he struggled to find the word and he motioned with his hand hoping that would speed up the process. "Over-zealous." He saw her nod and then frown. "Is that the word?" He asked, thinking that he had gotten it wrong.

He saw a slight smile pull at her lips.

"I don't know." He frowned. "Is that Croatian for jerk?" He could hear the laughter in her voice.

He shook his head and smirked, looking away from the palyful glint in her eyes.

"I didn't mean to take my frustraions out on you. It's just I feel very passionately-"

"I said it was fine. I over-reacted. I'd had a long night and I hadn't had much sleep before that. I shouldn't have snapped at you like I did."

"You wouldn't have had to have snapped if I hadn't been such a jerk."

"Are we going to argue about who was to blame?" She asked with a slightly ridiculing tone in her voice and Luka smirked back at her.

"Only until you allow me to take the blame." He smiled and took a drink form his beer, allowing his eyes once again travel along her body.

There was silence again as Sam surveyed the room and he surveyed her. He knew he shouldn't be doing it, Abby could walk through the door at any minute and he would have to have a good excuse as to why he was lustfully looking at her new close friend. But he couldn't help himself. She was beautiful.

"Now I know why Abby never really joined in on the nurses' bitching sessions about you," he heard her say and he smiled in surprise.

"You have bitching sessions about me?"

He saw an embarassed smile cross her face as her eyes once again travelled up and down his long body. He tried to ignore the tingling sensation on his skin.

"So, when should Abby be getting back?" She said loudly, slapping her thighs and Luka laughed loudly - genuinely - and saw her laugh herself.

Her cheeks had lost their pinkness and Luka could see again the dark lines that crossed her face and he stopped laughing and frowned.

"What happened?" He said and pointed to his own cheek then to her.

She looked up, surprised, and touched her cheek.

"Ah, this? It's nothing. Just a disagreement with an old friend." She smiled and looked away.

"Are you sure?" He asked and stopped himself from getting up off his seat and moving towards her.

She nodded and picked up the remote for his television. She flicked the channel to a movie and he pushed an incredulous look onto his face.

"Make yourself at home, why don't you," he said, his voice raising in pitch as he attempted to sound offended. He saw her jaw slacken slightly and he smiled to himself. He watched her for a few seconds and then flicked his eyes to the screen. "Hey! I love this movie!" He said as he saw that she was attempting to find MTV again.

She looked over at him, surprised.

"You like _How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days_?" She asked, her incredulousness not forced, as her eyebrow shot to the ceiling.

He smiled, embarassed, looked away from her mocking stare and nodded.

"Kate Hudson is kinda hot," he replied sheepishly as he got off the armchair to get another beer. "Want another one?" He asked her and looked down to her laughing face.

"Yeah, sure."

She smiled as she watched his lean form walk away from her and she groaned quietly to herself. It was going to be a _loooong _wait for Abby.

In the bedroom, where the phone was unplugged from the wall so it wouldn't ring, the voice of Abby Lockhart played over the answering machine.  
_  
"Hey Luka it's Abby. I know you probably turned the phone off so you could get some sleep, but I just wanted to tell you that Kerry wants me to do a nursing shift tonight. I'm going to grab a few hours sleep in the on call room then start the shift. I left a message for Sam so that's all right. I'll see you tomorrow at some point. Bye."_  
**  
TBC**


	12. Chapter 11

Sam opened her eyes and frowned. This was a new ceiling. She rolled onto her side but instead of finding more bed, she almost fell off of the leather couch and onto the floor. Reaching out instinctively, she grabbed onto the coffee table that she had pulled closer to the couch and sent two of the many, _many_ beer bottles crashing to the floor.

The sound woke the person who was sitting in the chair next to her. And he groaned. Loudly.

Sam felt _exactly_ the same.

Drawing her hand back to her body, she shuffled further back onto the couch and tucked her face into the leather.

"My heard hurts," she mumbled and peered over the arm and thanked whoever was listening that Luka's lounge was in relative darkness. She saw him looking at her, his cheek nestled against one of his hands, as the light from the television flickered over his face.

He was smiling.

"Yeah," he said and Sam groaned.

Alcohol sure did do wonders to his voice, Sam thought as she heard his thick Croatian accent through that simple word but deeper and more...seductive. She shook her head against the leather.

"Time is it?" She mumbled again then rolled onto her back.

Reaching her hands up behind her head she stretched laggardly but froze momentarily when her hand came into contact with skin. Luka skin. Luka _leg_ skin.

There was a sharp intake of breath and Sam couldn't tell whether it was from her or from him but she quickly withdrew her hand. She pushed herself up and turned her body so she was facing him, her legs crossed in front of her, her hands placed delicately in her lap.

"It's just after three thirty," he answered and Sam kicked herself for making him speak again.

She looked at him again and saw that he was still watching her, his eyes glazed slightly, a small smile on his lips and two fingers curved around said lips. His hair was mussed slightly, sticking out at the back and the side where he had obviously had his hand tucked into it as he slept. She looked away towards the screen but her eyes were still blurry from both alcohol and sleep.

"How much did we have to drink?" She asked as she eyed the number of beer bottles on the table. She counted fifteen on the table, three on the floor and she knew that they had cleared away a few earlier in the night. "In fact, I don't even want to know." There was a silence in which Sam could feel his eyes on her face. She looked around the room again. "I wonder where Abby is," Sam said as she remembered her reason for being there in the first place.

Luka said nothing and Sam was both thankful and regretful.

She cast her eyes in his direction again and saw that he was still looking at her in the same manner, his body not having moved a millimeter. She smiled self-consciously but allowed her eyes to travel down across his impressive chest and abdomen, and then down his long, long legs to his feet which, she noted, were rather large.

She laughed to herself and looked away.

She spotted her bag on the floor at the other end of the sofa and she leaned over to retrieve it.

Luka watched as she stretched her arm out to her bag, coming a few inches short. She lurched herself forward a bit more off of her butt and Luka had to look away. Waking up and hearing her voice had evoked a sense of peace and calm and Luka had been mesmerised by the way in which she tiredly snuck a glance at him over the arm of the chair, only one brown eye visible to him. Another thing that surprised him was his lack of dreams. Not just pleasant dreams (of which there had been few in the years since his family died) but nightmares (of which there had been many).

He heard her grunt in frustration and he let out a laugh.

"You could just stand up and retrieve it," he said tiredly as he leaned his head back against the chair and continued to watch her. He saw her still and turn her face towards him.

"What?"

He frowned at her and smiled slightly.

"Stand up and get it..." he repeated, with a mocking tone.

She lurched again and grabbed the handle, yanking it to her body too hard and hit herself in the chest. She laughed lightly and turned towards him.

"You said it in Croatian the first time," she told him and he widened his eyes in response.

His native language slipping over his lips had caused Sam's heart to beat faster. If she thought his drunken english spoken words were sheer seduction, she didn't even have a word to describe how erotic his drunken Croatian spoken words were.

He had never spoken in his native language in America, except to himself or if he was on the telephone to his family. He frowned at the concept. He'd never even spoken Croatian to Abby.

"Sorry," he whispered and propped his chin on his fist.

"No," she shook her head vehemently and looked up at him. "I like it."

He felt his heart stop.

Finally, after a few moments, he raised his eyebrow to her and smiled cockily.

"Doista?"

He saw her close her eyes and smiled to himself. He _liked_ this reaction. Maybe it was just the alcohol, but Luka could actually see her bosom heaving up and down on her chest. He _really_ liked this reaction.

He heard her clear her throat and he grinned.

Sam fumbled in her bag, looking for her cell-phone. She couldn't breathe properly. She _actually_ couldn't breathe. If she didn't get out of there fast she was going to jump into his lap and tell him not to speak to her in English ever again. Ever. The idea was quite appealing but at the same time she had to think how Weaver would feel if Sam passed out from asphyixiation everytime Luka spoke to her.

She shocked herself with these thoughts as she thought of Abby. Abby was her friend and she was having these thoughts about her man.

But she also knew that he was having 'thoughts' about her. She shook her head again and pulled out her cell phone. She had actually managed to ignore the fact that he was staring at her the whole time, with a sexy as hell grin on his face.

She flipped open the lid to her phone, and saw that she had one new voicemail message. Thinking it would be Steve, Sam called and held the phone up to her ear and turned to Luka and smiled at him.

"Message received yesterday at seven forty four pm. 'Hey Sam it's Abby. Just called to say that I can't make it to the movies tonight - Weaver wants me to do a nursing shift and she couldn't get a hold of you, or something. But I'll see you tomorrow, bye.' End of message."

Sam held the phone away from her and snapped it shut.

"Well, Abby's at the hospital."

She saw Luka tense suddenly and she shook her head quickly.

"She's working, doing a nursing shift," she amended quickly.

Luka suddenly remembered that he knew that Abby was at the hospital. She had left a message on the answering machine and he only received it when he went into his bedroom for a clean T-shirt after spilling beer down himself. Sam had already fallen asleep, curled up on his couch and he didn't have the heart to waken her. Why hadn't he remembered that until now?

He saw Sam flop back down onto his sofa, her legs only just reaching the far end but then sit straight back up again.

"I better go. I have a shift tomorrow."

Luka nodded and noticed that Sam already had her cellphone to her ear and was telling the taxi company his address. He waited until she hung up before he spoke.

"Me too," he announced and then let out an exaggerated sigh. Sam laughed. "At seven."

Sam stopped laughing and drew her lips into a sympathetic 'O', but she couldn't contain her grin any longer and she laughed again.

"Hey!" He yelled as he tossed the cushion he was sitting on at her.

He heard it thump against her chest and laughed himself when he saw her wide eyes stare at him.

From down in the street there sounded a car horn and Sam and Luka looked at each other.

"That was quick."

Sam agreed and stood up.

"Ugh, it's snowing again," she complained as she slung her bag over her shoulder and pulled on the thin jacket she had carried over her arm earlier in the evening when she first arrived.

"I like the snow," Luka told her and she turned to him with a frown on her face.

"You would." She walked to the door and waited for him to pass her and unlock it.

She stepped out into the corridor and turned back towards him, trying to ignore the sense of loss leaving his apartment created in her.

"So, does this mean you won't join in on the bitching sessions the nurses have about me?" He asked innocently as he bit his bottom lip and stared at her with penetrating eyes.

Sam scoffed and looked up at him with a smirk on her face.

"I'm the one who starts them."

They both grinned.

"I'll see you at noon," she told him and he nodded.

"Okay."

Just as she was about to turn to leave she felt Luka's hand on her elbow and then his lips brush against her cheek.

She closed her eyes and waited until he pulled back from her and then looked up to him and smiled.

"See you tomorrow."

Sam managed to make it to the ground floor before she reached up and covered the tingling spot on her cheek and tried to tell herself that it wasn't really there.

**TBC**


	13. Chapter 12

Sam stood in front of the mirror in her room and hooked her dangling ear ring through her lobe. She took a step back from the tabletop in front of her to observe her full length in the mirror. She had had her hair cut and styled that day, but had ended up washing it herself when she got home. It was now hanging in loose waves, parted to the side. Her long fringe was swept to the side and the side that had the least amount of hair was twisted back and held in place with a clip with a rose design on it. Her eyes were dark and smoky, her lips pale and cheeks blushed. Her hands glided over the silk material of her dress. It was a deep, deep red and fell to just above her knees and was held up with two thin straps across her shoulders. The neckline was daring, but not too much to make her feel uncomfortable. The dress was light but hugged her body until it reached her hips and it loosened and floated down to her knees. She had black, three inch heels on with a rose corsage on the strap across her toes.

She _felt_ beautiful.

When she heard the door open to the bedroom she flicked her eyes to Steve and smiled at him. Raising her hand to the thin silver necklace that hung around her neck since she was fifteen years old, she fiddled with the catch and placed the chain on the table.

"You look amazing," Steve said with a soft smile on his lips, as he leaned against the doorjamb.

She smiled again, nervously, and nodded.

"I wish you could come, to meet all my friends from work," she whined and he stepped into the room.

He reached out and touched her arm and ran his fingers down until he came into contact with her hand.

"Me too. But I promised my parents I would pick them up and you know what they get like... and besides, there's always the New Year Party."

Sam nodded and leaned her head against his chest as she thought about the Christmas party she was rather late for.

She let Steve hold her for a few more seconds, before moving away from him and spraying on her _Armani Night _perfume.

"I am so late," she told him as she moved around him and grabbed her coat.

"I love you, babe," she heard him say as she walked out of the door.

- -

"If you look at that door one more time I'm going to send you out of it," Luka heard Abby's voice protrude into his brain.

He turned to her and frowned. Taking in her appearance again, he smiled at the long dress she had chosen that was distinctly Abby - not too girlish but not too simple.

"What?" He asked as he took another sip from his third bottle of beer.

"You keep looking at the door," Abby said again and he nodded. "Who you looking for?"

"Oh, Sam." He saw Abby look at him in question and he shrugged his shoulders. "I just have something to tell her about one of her patients." He couldn't believe how easily that lie had passed out.

"Oh, Luka come on!" Abby complained indignantly.

"What?" He asked, throwing his hand up somewhere near his face.

"It's the Christmas party, Luka. Leave work alone for the night."

He was silent for a second and then nodded.

"I'm going to go talk to Susan. And try and avoid Romano and Weaver," Abby whispered with mock secrecy and placed her finger over her lips. 

Luka smiled and placed his hand on her elbow as she walked away.

He sighed. He couldn't stop thinking about Sam. His lips were still forming electricity whenever he remembered the brush of her skin against them. He hadn't been able to get back to sleep after she left his apartment what was now over a week ago. When she had come into work the next day, Luka had been sitting at the nurses station (the only place where he could find some peace and quiet) and when he opened his and saw her, he noticed that she was holding his sunglasses in her hand and that she wore a sympathetic smirk at his sleeping form.

Who was he kidding? It wasn't sympathetic. It was down right mocking.

He shook his head and smiled as he remembered the look. And the feel of her hand in his hair as she attempted to flatten it in the places it stood on end.

He turned back towards the table and glanced at the door again.

He stopped breathing.

There she was. In a dress.

"Lijep..." He said under his breath as he watched her reach a hand up to her face and push away an imaginery hair behind her ear.

He couldn't believe how quickly he reverted to Croatian whenever he thought about her. It was ridiculous to think that that meant anything, but he had never thought of a woman in Croatian since Danijela.

His eyes followed her as she walked through the crowd nodding to people and hugging a few. Her dress was moulded to her form gently, hugging her and showing off the tiny waist that he knew would probably fit into the ring his hands made when joined together. Her dark eyes were made only darker than normal by the make up she had applied. Her legs that were bare from the knee down were pale but beautiful, her ankles adorned with the straps of her high heels.

He was hypnotised.

Sam was well aware of the azure eyes that watched her as she made her way further and further into the hall and she kept raising her hand to her hair or fiddling in the place that her necklace normally hung. When she finally reached the table of drinks that he was standing in front of, she was thoroughly parched and nervous as hell.

Reaching out, she grabbed onto a bottle of Budweiser and took a swig from it. Only then did she raise her eyes to him and smile.

He looked amazing. He wore a black shirt with the top three buttons undone and flashing an expanse of dark, tanned chest and a simple pair of black suit trousers. His hair was styled in a way she had never seen before: messed from the back and fuzzy looking (in a good way) on top. His eyes were so dark that, if she didn't know any better, she would have thought that he applied some eyeliner. When her eyes met with his she blushed slightly and looked down to his nose.

"Hey," she managed and looked back towards his eyes.

His jaw was hanging slightly open and Sam tried not to smile too much, while being secretly pleased by his reaction.

"Hi," he whispered back and she saw his eyes travel up and down her body again. "You look..." he trailed off as his eyes dipped down again and his arm reached out and touched her wrist lightly. Sam's breath hitched and she shivered slightly. "Amazing," he breathed out and Sam struggled to breathe.

She smiled and took a gulp of her drink.

"You don't look too bad yourself," she replied and told herself that she _wasn't_ flirting with him.

She saw him smile as his eyes drifted over her again. The look in his eyes was one she knew she would never tire of.

"How are you?" He asked after a minute or two of complete silence and Sam knew instantly that he had had at least two beers already.

"I'm fine, what about you?"

He nodded but didn't say anything as he turned and surveyed the room. Sam followed his example and ran her finger over the rim of her bottle. Neither of them said anything and simply stood there, basking in the company.

From behind them, a young student rushed around to the front of them baring a camera.

"Come on now, snuggle up for your picture!" He sounded severely intoxicated.

Sam was about to protest but as she felt Luka's arm glide across her waist, all brain function stopped and she leaned into his side for the sole purpose of holding herself up.

"Say cheese!"

Sam laughed at the over-exuberance of the student who she didn't even recognise and heard Luka say light-heartedly:

"Sira," with a gentle laugh.

When the flash went off and the kid moved away, Sam turned to face him - noting his arm still around her waist - and raised her eyebrow at him.

"You did it again," she said matter-of-factly and Luka looked down at her with a frown on his face.

"Did what again?" He asked genuinely confused.

Sam laughed and leaned her forehead on his chest lightly before stepping out of his grip. She told herself that she didn't see a look of disappointment in his eyes.

"Sira?" She mimicked him, deepening her tone and doing a _really_ bad imitation of his accent.

He laughed, loudly, and gained the attention of a few of the people around him - including Abby, who turned to him with a shocked smile on her face.

He quieted after a few seconds and tried to stifle his laughs but Sam could see he was dying to chuckle again. She shook her head and turned to Abby who was making her way over to the both of them.

"Sam! You look great! I told you the red one was the one for you," Abby said as she surveyed Sam's outfit as Luka surveyed Sam's body.

"You helped her pick it?" Luka asked and Sam and Abby looked at one another questioningly.

"Yeah... when we went shopping two weeks ago," Abby replied and Sam chuckled. Sam saw Abby look around as though looking for someone. "Where's Steve?" Sam told herself that the look that was currently gracing Luka's features was _not_ one of disappointment. "I thought you said he was coming?"

Sam looked down to the ground and shifted her beer bottle from hand to hand.

"Yeah, he was." She glanced up at Luka and told herself that she did not see jealousy in his eyes. "But uh... His parents called, they're flying in from Boston tonight and wanted him to pick them up."

"Oh, right," Abby said sympathetically and put her hand on her arm and gave it a squeeze.

"Ach, no, I'm fine," she told her in honesty.

"Good. So, uh... can I talk to you about... uh... your hair?" Abby attempted to be covert and failed miserably and both Sam and Luka rolled their eyes.

"Okay, okay, I get the message. I'll be over there," Luka pointed in the vague direction of Carter and walked away sending a smile to both the women.

"So, my hair?" Sam said when Abby was silently watching Luka.

"Are things with you and Steve... you know, okay?"

Sam pulled her head back slightly and nodded after a shocked pause.

"Yeah, they're fine, why?"

"Just that he's not here tonight. I know you were really looking forward to introducing him to us."

_Yeah, like I'd look forward to a bullet in the head,_ Sam thought icily.

"Nah, we're fine."

Abby nodded and took Sam's arm.

"You really do look great. And I think most of the guys would agree," Abby winked and Sam rolled her eyes while she laughed. "Come this way, Susan and Jing-Mei are waiting by the chocolate fountain for us!"

"Chocolate fountain?" Sam asked incredulously and followed Abby, while telling herself that the eyes burning into her back were not Luka's and, if they were, they were looking at Abby and not her.

**TBC**


	14. Chapter 13

He couldn't get her out of his head. He couldn't stop looking at her. Couldn't stop thinking about her.

She was standing at the direct opposite side of the room from him with her back turned to him. He smiled when he saw her make to walk away from one of the young doctors from oncology but was stopped by the young man's hand on her upper arm.

Chuckling to himself, he placed his champagne (the beer had quickly run out and Carter was away to get some more) flute on the table and weaved his way through the crowd, nodding and laughing with some of his co-workers. When he finally reached her side, he placed his hand on the base of back gently and he felt her shudder slightly. He hadn't even announced his presence.

"Sam," he greeted her with a smile. "Doctor Sinclair, how are you?"

Sinclair looked crushed but he nodded and smiled.

"I'm fine Doctor Kovac. And yourself?" The young man glanced fleetingly to Luka but his gaze quickly turned back to Sam and Luka could certainly understand why.

She held her own champagne flute delicately in her hand, sipping from it occasionally while trying not to laugh at the expression on the young man's face. Luka felt her back press more firmly against his hand and he fought the urge to slip his arm right around and pull her into his side.

"I'm fine," he said and when he saw the look of confusion wash over Sinclair's face he knew he'd did it again. He felt Sam shiver under his hand and he involuntarily stepped closer to her. His left arm and the edge of his chest was pressed against her back and he felt her rib cage rise highly on his arm, notifying him of her deep intake of breath. "Sorry," he coughed. "I'm fine, thank you." He repeated, in english.

Sinclair nodded and quickly excused himself from their company. Luka waited for a second and then moved around Sam to stand in front of her. He let his hand glide around her body, over her hip bone, and then drop to his side. His own breath caught in his throat when he his eyes caught the look of unadulterated passion that passed through her eyes.

"I had better get going, I've had way too many drinks," she said indicating her glass and Luka nodded.

"Yeah, me too."

Sam nodded.

"I know."

Luka raised his eyebrow at her and smiled.

"You do?" He asked, his tone amused.

"You're accent gets heavier," she told him while her eyes fixed on the cleft of his breast bone. Luka smiled and shook slightly under her gaze.

"From what I remember, you seem to like that," he said matter-of-factly and was surprised when he saw her nod her head.

"Oh yeah," he heard her mutter and look away. She looked around her for somewhere to put her drink down and Luka put his hand out.

"There are a bunch of taxis outside, I'll walk you out," he said and she nodded.

They made a quick detour to the cloak room to retrieve her coat and he helped her on with it. They both stoof stock still and stopped breathing when his hands lingered on her shoulders for a second too long and then their lungs failed as his hands slid gently down her arms to her hands.

"Listen," he said and turned her around, their bodies only centimeters apart. He dropped one of her hands and scrubbed his face with his hand. "I know that this may seem... strange."

Sam shuddered as his warm breath played across her face when he spoke. His words were dripping heavily with his accent and Sam was having a hard time distinguishing where one word began and the other ended.

"But uh... I bought you a gift."

Sam frowned at him but couldn't contain the smile that crept through.

"And I know you're not on again until the twenty-seventh, so I thought I had given it to you tonight."

Sam smiled at his incorrect grammar, knowing that it was simply his state of intoxication that had caused it.

"Abby already gave me the gift from you two," she told him and placed her hand on his arm.

She saw him shake his head and she frowned again. She saw his arm reach into the inside pocket of his own long, woolen coat and pull out a large, flat square box.

"Luka... no," she said as she pushed his hand away as he extended it to her.

"Sam, please, just... open it," he urged and she nodded, albeit reluctantly.

She carefully opened the box and gasped. 

"Luka... oh my god..."

She fingered the fine white gold chain and her fingers trailed down to the pendant. It was several swirling lines that were not an 'S' but were very close to it. In between the swirls were what looks like vines of some sort. Sam was taken aback.

"I just... saw it and I thought of you..." he admited as he watched her face.

She looked absolutely beautiful, as she stood before him with her mouth handing open as she gently fingered the chain.

"You don't have to wear it, but I don't want it back."

She looked up at him, her eyes meeting his as she tried to form a coherent _word_, never mind a sentence. She noticed how close his body was hers, his chest pressed invitingly against her body, his scent surrounding her as well as his warmth. The look in his eyes was indescribable. A mixture of passion, joy, pleasure and pain.

She snapped the box shut and threw her arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug.

"I wish you'd have told me, then I could have bought you something," she scolded him and he chuckled into her shoulder.

"And miss the look on your face when you saw it? No way," he laughed as he pulled back, fully away from her. His lips urged him forward, to press against hers but his brain told his lips to desist.

Instead, he slipped his arm around her waist and guided her out of the room.

"Come on, let's get you home."

**TBC**


	15. Chapter 14

The taxi ride back to the Kovac apartment was one of silence. Luka stared out the window, with his hand on Abby's leg, while her stare was divided between the back of the drivers' chair and Luka's blank face. 

She had never seen him look at anyone the way he had looked at Sam. She didn't know whether it was the volume of alcohol that Sam and Luka had drunk and the fact that she hadn't had a drop that made her notice the gestures, the stares, the way that Luka reverted back to his native tongue... In all the time she had known him, he had never let his own language cross his lips - whether subconscious or not.

As the taxi cab pulled up to the front of Luka's apartment, she climbed out as he paid. Abby climbed the stairs to his apartment for the first time in two weeks. She was tired - really tired. And cold. The chill, frosty air of Chicago had seeped through the material of her thick jacket and chilled her to the bone in the few seconds it had taken her to get into the relative warmth of the corridor. She waited at the front door to Luka's apartment and smiled when she saw him stagger up the stairs.

She couldn't believe how much he'd had to drink.

Once inside the apartment, Luka's lips were onher neck and she giggled slightly and pushed him away. She walked down to the darkened lounge and threw her jacket on the place where the table normally was. When she heard the 'frump' of it hitting the floor, she frowned. She heard a click and the room was flooded with light and she saw her jacket lying on the floor, the coffee table pulled close to the sofa and numerous - _numerous_ - bottles of beer scattered across the top of it and on the floor. 

She turned to him and frowned.

"Was John here?" She asked, thinking that the two men had gotten drunk as they watched the game the night before.

She saw Luka frown at her and shake his head.

"No, why?" She saw realisation hit as his eyes fell on the mess that he and Sam had left in the lounge of his apartment. "No, it was... Sam, actually."

"Sam?" Abby felt a sense of panic and fear rise up her chest at the thought that Sam had been in Luka's apartment - _that _drunk. Normally, she wouldn't have minded but after what she had seen and heard tonight...

"Yeah. Last week, I just haven't had time to tidy the place up." He rubbed the back of his neck that was scarred slightly from where it had been charred by the fire at the crash. She noticed he did that a lot lately. "When you guys were supposed to go to the cinema. Neither of us got your message until after we woke up."

Abby stared at him and opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out.

Eventually, she managed:

"Until after you woke up?"

Luka frowned slightly at her, clearly not understanding why this was so wrong. Then understanding hit him and she saw him shake his head.

"Not like that. We had a few beers while we waited for you to get back. We were watching a movie - _How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days_, actually - and she fell asleep, then I did too. It had been a long day."

Abby thought about it for a few minutes. Luka had never cheated on her. Sam had Steve. Luka had never lied to her, and the fact that he admitted that Sam had been there told her that he was telling the truth. But she couldn't help but feel as though there was something he wasn't telling her.

"You're attracted to her aren't you?" She said finally, quietly making it sound more like a statement than a question.

She saw Luka pull his shoulders up to his ears, his palms facing upwards, his face scrunched up slightly in a gesture of "what?".

"Abby..."

His lack of response frustrated her.

"Do you know what Corday said to me tonight?" He shook his head. "She told me that she didn't know you and I had split up and started bitching about how quickly you had moved on." Luka tried to interrupt but she continued. "All I heard all night from everyone who doesn't work in ER was 'Oh, what a lovely couple.'" She stared at him as she stood on the opposite side of the sofa from him. "I'm not blind, Luka. You're attracted to her."

There was an angry silence between them where Luka stared at Abby attempting to think of something to say and Abby simply stared at him, daring him to contradict her.

Eventually he breathed out and hit his palms off his thighs.

"Yes, I am. She is an attractive woman. But that doesn't mean that I am going to act on that. For God sake Abby, you are still attracted to Carter but I trust you enough not to question you on that because I know that you love me!"

Abby stood rooted to the spot, knowing that he had a point. She stared at him for a few seconds before moving around the sofa towards him. She collapsed into his chest and felt his arms wrap around her. She could smell a foreign smell on his chest and she tried to push the thought from her brain.

He _didn't_ smell of Armani Night. 

She sighed and pulled back and pulled his head down to hers and crushed his lips to hers. His grip around her waist tightened and she felt his hands slide up her back. Before he could continue, she pulled back and looked into his eyes that were shining with passion.

"As much as I'd love to stay," she kissed him quickly. "I have a shift in seven hours, and I would at least like to catch a few hours sleep."

She pressed her hand into his chest and pushed him away as he tried to pull her towards him again. She saw him smile lazily and her resolve almost crumbled.

She turned away and picked up the jacket that had crumpled on the ground and threw it around her shoulders.

"I can't believe you're working tomorrow night - it's Christmas eve," she complained as she walked to the door, with Luka hot on her tail.

"I know," he said as he pulled her body onto his chest and slid his hands around her waist, under her jacket. "Are you sure you don't want to stay?" His thumbs rubbed up and down against her hip bones and she shuddered slightly under his touch.

"I want to," she relented. "But I can't."

She eased herself out of his grasp and stepped out of the door. She turned to him and pressed her lips to his again and moved away down the hall, ignoring the far off look she saw in Luka's eyes as his mind travelled to a place that he wouldn't allow her to enter.

She waited until she was outside the building before she rang the taxi company on her cell.

Upstairs Luka was still standing in the hall, his lips wondering where the tingling sensation had gone that had been there last time they kissed someone in the corridor.

- -

Sam dropped her keys onto the bookcase that was on the wall just at the entrance to her and Steve's apartment.

She sat on the sofa and undid her shoes and pulled them from her feet. She rubbed her ankle, where the strap had been digging into her slightly and then stood up. She removed her long coat but before hanging it up, she took out the flat box from the pocket and tucked it under her arm.

She couldn't believe he had bought her that.

Making her way into the bedroom, she stopped by her dresser and placed the box on top before reaching around to pull down the zipper on her dress.

"Here, allow me," she felt Steve's breath on her neck and could smell the alcohol. She doubted that she smelled any better.

She felt his rough hands slide down her back as he undid her zipper and traced her skin. Sam shrugged off the dress and felt Steve tug her towards the bed.

She fell onto the mattress and Steve positioned himself above her, his hands scraping over her body. She was too tired and too drunk to protest, and so lay there, unresponsive, until he had had his fill of her.

**TBC**


	16. Chapter 15

"Where the hell is the chart for Doctor Kovac's patient in exam two?" Sam asked loudly as she flicked through the charts in the chart rack. 

"Doctor Kovac? What happened to Luka?" Haleh asked with a slight laugh in her voice.

Sam glared at her and angrily flipped the next few charts.

"Where's the chart for _Luka's_ patient?" She asked, frustrated.

There was silence and Sam looked up, her eyebrows raised in exasperation. 

"Uh, I saw him in exam two about five minutes ago, he seemed pretty pissed off for some reason," Chuney supplied as she noted something on her own chart and slid it back into it's place on the rack.

Sam slammed her pen down onto the worktop and growled.

"I told him I'd get the IV hung when I got back from the lab!" She snatched up her pile of five charts and stormed off in the direction of exam two.

Chuney, Haleh and Frank shared a look, and Frank raised his eyebrow.

"Either someone's on their T-O-T-M, or there's trouble in paradise," Frank leered and Chuney threw a scrunched up ball of paper at him.

"That's not even funny."

Sam yanked back the curtain in exam two and saw Luka standing to the side of a fifteen year old girl, with short blond hair.

"I told you I was going to the lab," she said by way of introduction. 

She dropped her charts onto the table at the side of the bed and yanked open the drawer. Pulling out the banana bag, she hung it up on the hook above the bed and inserted the other end into the young woman's hand. She felt her wince.

"Sorry," she said with a smile and secured the tube in it's place with some surgi-tape.

"Sam, can I speka to you outside for a moment?" Luka said and motioned with the clipboard and stepped out.

Sam turned to the girl - Layla - and raised her eyebrows, putting on a "eek" face. The girl smiled and lowered her head.

Sam stepped out from behind the curtain and saw Luka talking to Abby, his hand on her arm. Abby saw her and smiled, before saying something Luka and moving away. Luka stood where he was as Sam pulled the curtain back around to give Layla privacy as Sam heard sobs escape her chest. Luka eventually turned around on his heel and strode over to Sam.

"She's pregnant," he stated simply and Sam frowned at him, taking the proffered clipboard from his hands.

"What? Oh my god..." Sam shook her head slightly and tried to fight off her own memories.

"She uh... won't talk to me about it, so I was wondering if you could..." Luka started and Sam nodded almost instantly.

"Yeah, sure, of course," Sam heard her own voice crack and winced slightly and lowered her head further.

"Hey, are you okay?" Luka asked and reached out to touch Sam's wrist but she pulled away.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she lied and turned back into the room, leaving Luka standing in the middle of the ER with a frown of confusion and concern on his face.

Sam stormed out of the examination room twenty minutes later with tear tracks staining her face. She ran past the admit desk and ignored the concerned shouts of Luka, Abby, Chuney, Haleh and Susan as she bumped into numerous orderlies in her mad dash to the toilet. She slammed the door against the wall and fell onto one of the sinks and let even more tears streak down her face. She sank to the floor as she heard the door open and heard several sets of footsteps rush in.

She felt arms wrap around her and turned into Abby's embrace. At that moment, she didn't care who saw the state she was in. After several minutes of uncontrolled sobbing, she pulled back from Abby and saw Susan standing guard at the door.

"God, I'm sorry," she said as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

"What the hell happened?" Abby asked as Susan stepped into the room and leaned against the door.

"The kid in exam two, she's pregnant." Abby nodded, urging her to continue. "She uh... her boyfriend - son of a bitch - he uh... he let his mates watch them having sex and... he let them join in. The bastards all gang raped her..." Sam sobbed again and dropped her head into her hands. 

"Oh my God," Susan said from her position on the door. "We should call the police. Sam... are you okay?"

Sam nodded and stood up.

"Yeah, I just... I don't know what's wrong with me today," she lied and moved towards the sink and ran the cold water and splashed it on her face. "It just... really got to me..." She dried her face on some paper towels and turned to Abby and Susan. "I'm sorry for causing a scene." She smiled and laughed lightly.

"No, it's fine. Are you sure you're okay? Do you want to go home?"

Sam shook her head. _God no_, she thought as she remembered the fight her and Steve had had that morning. He had pushed her and she bumped her hip in the dining room table _again_ and she had stormed out of the house and arrived at work two hours early.

"Let's get back out there and help clear that board, huh?" She said as she moved around Abby and missed the concerned look that passed between Abby and Susan.

As soon as she stepped out of the bathroom she saw Luka make his way towards her from admit. Halfway towards her, a trauma was rolled in and he sent her a worried look and moved towards the rushing gurney and Sam followed his steps.

When she reached the trauma room, she saw that the patient was a tiny baby and the hysterical mother was clinging to Luka's side pleading with him to save her son. Sam looked to Luka and saw him shake his head, indicating that the child was dead. Sam nodded and moved towards the woman and placed her hand on her back.

"If you want to follow me, I'll take you somewhere that's quiet and you can use the telephone," Sam said gently as she looked at baby on the bed. His skin was a light blue and his eyes were closed. He looked about six months old.

Sam heaved back a sob and concentrated on prying the woman from Luka's arm. The woman was still insisting that her baby was alive and could be saved but Sam could see the young woman knew it wasn't possible. She tried to control her own raging emotions and she could tell from the panicked, concerned look in Luka's eyes that she was failing.

Sam finally managed to get the woman - Lisa - to let go of Luka's arm and was halfway out the door when she heard Luka address Haleh.

"Can you take Ms McKenzie to the family room?"

Sam turned and saw Haleh look at her hesitantly but then nod when she saw the strict look on Luka's face.

"Of course, Doctor Kovac."

Sam let go of Lisa's arm and moved back into the room but avoided looking at the motionless form on the gurney.

There was silence in the room as Sam moved to the opposite side of the bed from Luka, not looking at his face.

"Are you okay?" She heard his voice ask her gently and she began to nod, then shake her head.

"I just... I need to get out of here," she told him honestly and he nodded.

"Okay. Come on."

Sam looked up at him then and subconsciously raised her hand to her neck, where his necklace was. He saw her gesture and dipped his head to hide his satisfied smile, then looked back at her and he saw tears begin to form in her tepid brown eyes.

"Come on, Sam. Let's get you out of here," he said as he moved around the bed towards her.

"No, I've still got two hours of my shift to go," she shook her in protest and raised her voice slightly.

"You're in no state to keep working. You don't have to tell me what's wrong, but you have to let me take you home."

"I don't want to go home, not just now."

- -

Luka opened the door to his apartment and ushered Sam inside. The clock on the wall read 8.42 pm.

He lead her to the sofa and sat her down. She hadn't said anything since she told him that she didn't want to go home and Luka's worry had only grown in magnitude. He placed a hand on her back between her shoulder blades and asked her if she wanted anything to drink.

She nodded.

"Tea, if you have any." She paused for a second and Luka stood to leave but her hand on his arm stopped him. "Do you have a pillow?"

Luka frowned down at her but nodded anyway. He moved into the kitchen and prepared the cups and boiled the kettle. He then moved into his bedroom and lifted a pillow fromhis bed and carried it back to the lounge to Sam, who was sitting huddled up on his sofa. He handed it to her and she thanked him and pulled it quickly to her body and dipped her head into it.

Luka watched her for a second and then moved back to the whistling kettle on his stove. He heard the TV switch on and he smiled to himself. He heard gentle music play out from the speakers and then grow dim as Sam turned to volume down. He made two cups of strong tea and moved back into the lounge.

What he saw was enough to run his blood cold. Sam was sobbing quietly into a pillow from his bed, her whole body shaking and rocking backwards and forwards.

He placed the two cups of tea on the coffee table that had been resituated and sat down next to her. He gently pulled the pillow away from her and put it behind her. He was about to wrap his arms around her, when he felt her chokehold on his neck. Instantly, he threw his arms around her and pulled her body into his and placed a hand on her head, not saying anything.

_There's a bar on my head  
There's a cross for my bed  
There's my heart in my hand  
There's my stick in the sand _

"Today is his birthday," he heard her sob into his chest. "He would have been ten," she mumbles again into his chest and Luka can feel the sound vibrations in his breast bone and feel her lips moving over the fabric of his shirt.

Confused he asks her, "Who?"

"My son," she says and her words are lost in her sobs as Luka's throat closes up.

_She has a son?_

He doesn't say anything, instead, let's his mind wander back to his own son, Marko and he can feel the familiar clench in his heart.

"He was so little..."

Luka pulled his legs up onto the couch and shifted her body so she was sitting across his lap and he rocked her, as he ran his hands through her hair.

"I was fifteen. Sixteen when he... died."

Luka froze all of his actions and he felt his whole body stiffen involuntarily. _She had had to endure the same pain that he had?_

He lowered his head onto hers, and tried to breathe in her pain, to take it all away from her.

"What happened?" He asked as he stroked the tresses of her hair that fell around her face.

_Here where the world starts spinning round  
take a ride and you'll feel what you've never found  
Here when the stars start fading out  
you hear the angels laughing without a sound _

"I don't know," she choked out and he felt his own throat close up with familiar emotions. "I... SIDS happened... I..." Her whole body shook violently and Luka knew that she was very, _very_ close to losing it. "And today..."

Luka then realised why she had reacted so violently to the baby on the bed, to the pregnant teenager. It was bringing back all the things that he knew she would be trying to bury deep inside her.

"I'm sorry, Sam."

They didn't speak, instead, he just held her and let her cry and allowed - for the first time in years - tears to escape his own eyes.

_She sits here… far away  
in my breast, in my grace  
She's the best… the best of me  
She my love, she's my queen…talking to me _

"I hope you never have to experience this," she says into his chest after many minutes have passed.

Luka looks at the clock on the wall: 9.18.

_Welcome to the beautiful..._

"I had a wife," he whispers into her hair. "And a son. And a daughter." He pauses as he feels her attempt to pull away from him but he increases his grip on her, and urges her head back onto his body. "In the war in Croatia. I was out and... when I got back, there was nothing left of the building where I stayed. Marko was dead, I couldn't save him," he choked on his words and he felt Sam's hand in his hair, her fingers tightening around his scalp as she tried to comfort him. "Danijela... she was dying, right in front of me. But she wouldn't let me help her, she made me try and save our daughter, Jasna." He was crying openly now, his salty tears falling into Sam's hair. "I couldn't... and they both died there, right in front of me, in my arms..."

Sam shifted and wrapped herself fully around him, pulling his head down further onto her shoulder and he could tell that she was crying, like him, uncontrollably.

_And when your world starts spinning down   
take a ride and you'll feel what you never found  
When the stars start fading out  
You hear the angels laughing without a sound _

"I couldn't have another child after that. Steve... he wanted to try again but I told him that I had a weak cervix and couldn't bear another child and went on the pill. He wanted to keep trying..."

"I couldn't stay in Croatia anymore. Everywhere I turned, I would see them. I didn't know where to go, so I went to Rome and then came here."

Sam heaved a sigh and crushed her head further into Luka's chest and felt his grip around her waist tighten.

She couldn't believe she had told him about Alex - she hadn't told _anyone_ that. She looked to the clock on the wall: 10.07.

Luka sat, his arms wrapped around Sam, and felt, for the first time, needed. She needed his company, she needed his body to hold, she needed him to hold her. Just like he needed all those things from her.

_I met myself just today  
Came alive in my grave  
And I'm the best, the best of me  
For you my love… for you I'll be _

"Since then, I've never felt like I belonged anywhere," he murmured into her neck as he slid his and Sam's bodies down the sofa so he could lie on his back, with her body covering his.

He felt her leg hook over his and he reached his hand up to her hair, and rested his chin on top of her curls.

"You belong here," she whispered into his chest and yawned loudly.

Luka chuckled slightly and rubbed his hand up and down her back, trying to soothe her as the occassional tear slipped down both of their faces. Her thumbs were rubbing over his ribs and he let out a sigh.

_Welcome to the beautiful..._

10.59, Abby read as she looked at her watch and knocked on Luka's door again. When he didn't answer, she leaned her head against the heavy wood and sighed.

"Where do you go at night Luka?" She whispered and placed her hand over the middle of the door. "Where do your dreams take you?" She waited a few seconds more and then turned and left.

11.00, the clock read in the apartment, whose silence was permeated only by the sound of sleep.

_When the world starts slowing down  
Take a ride and you'll feel what you never found  
And as the stars are fading out  
I hear the angels laughing without a sound_

Welcome to the beautiful…the beautiful… 

**TBC**

The song used it "The Beautiful" by Five For Fighting. If you haven't heard it yet, I strongly recommend that you find a way... it's amazing.


	17. Chapter 16

The apartment was in darkness, the only light was the orange glow of the street lamp outside the window that floated warmly through the glass and onto the two sleeping forms. Luka slowly opened his eyes and smiled gently. He turned his head slightly and saw the hands on the clock illuminated, telling him that it was 03.45. He turned his head back around and smiled again. During the course of their almost five hour nap, they had managed to shift their bodies without falling off of the sofa.

She was on the inside of the sofa, facing Luka and her head was resting on his chest. Her left arm was hooked under his shoulder and her fingers were splayed wide over his back. Her whole upper torso was pressed against him. Both her legs were trapped between his, one of his thrown over the top of her thighs, the other under both of her legs. His right arm was wrapped around her body, his hand resting underneath her body on her rib cage. He saw a few strands of her hair flutter as he breathed gently onto her face. He closed his eyes for a second, smiling and opened them again.

He shifted down the sofa slightly, so his face was in line with Sam's and he smiled when she groaned and pulled him closer to her.

"Sam?" He whispered, his voice laiden with sleep, his accent heavy.

He saw her eyelids flutter slightly but remain stubbornly closed. His eyes drifted down her face, taking in her beautifully peaceful expression and remembered when he first saw her sleep, on the bed in the hospital with bruises covering her entire face.

He breathed out again and he saw her lips part slightly when his breath touched them. He shifted his head forward slightly on his elbow (he had it hooked under his head, acting as a pillow) and his nose brushed Sam's gently. His eyes drifted between her eyes, down her nose to her lips and back up again.

"Sam?" He breathed out and saw her turn her head a little further into her own crooked elbow. "I'm going to kiss you, Sam," he whispered.

He waited a few seconds for her reaction but when he received none, he shuffled his head forward and his lips brushed hers lightly.

He heard her gasp and he smiled against her.

"Luka..." she breathed, her voice husky.

He leaned forward again and pressed more firmly, but still gently. He felt her hand on his back twitch slightly and he smiled again. She shifted between his legs and Luka let out a strangled sigh. He felt her smile. Leaning forward again, his lips were but an evanescent whisper on hers but when he felt her hand glide up his back and over his neck and into his hair he leaned further into her. She didn't pull his head down, simply let her hand stay where it was, holding his lips to hers. He breathed through his mouth, against her lips and he heard her whimper slightly. He twitched his hand that was under her body and felt her breath hitch in her throat. He then pulled the hand out from under her, ignoring her protests and slid it up her back to her shoulder, then across her shoulder blades to her other shoulder and onto her breastbone, finding there his necklace.

He kept his mouth where it was but his hand fiddled with the pendant, his fingers brushing lightly against her skin.

"Luka..." she said again and he dropped the pendant and traced her neckbones up to her jaw and then let his hand wander over her cheek. When his hand reached her hairline, he pressed more firmly against her lips and ran his tongue along the length of his own lips and subsequently Sam's. She granted him access, helpless to do anything other than that.

Gently, his tongue ran across the rim of her teeth and then caressed Sam's tongue. It was slow, exploratory but both could feel the possession also held beneath the surface. He felt a gentle brush against his face as Sam's other hand brushed his cheek and move around behind his head, cupping his ear and urging him further into her.

His legs wrapped themselves further around her body and she pressed her body more tightly into him. He felt himself begin to lose control.

As the kiss deepened and became more passionate, Luka shifted his body so he was lying above her, his legs lying between hers, his chest pressed against hers. He cupped her face between his hands and deepened the kiss further. He felt her hand in his hair pull him down, the other tracing the front of his t-shirt, then sliding around him and pressing into the small of his huge back.

Luka moaned as her tongue dueled fiercly with his. He let his hands wander down her face, over her neck, his necklace and down between the cleft of her breasts. He felt her shudder and grinned against her mouth. He pecked her lips and pulled his lips from hers, trailing feather light kisses down her jawline, her neck and onto her breastbone. His body sliding down hers, he could hear her heart racing against his cheek, and he let his head rest just above her heart for a second. He turned his head and placed a feathery kiss there, through her sky blue top. His hands drifted down her sides and gripped the edge of her top and then they slid happily up to her breasts, tracing their outline with a featherlight touch and she arched her back into him gently. His lips kissed down her abdomen and when he reached waistband of her jeans he ran his tongue along the edge of them and heard her strangled breath.

Sliding up her body, his lips met hers again and he kissed her deep - enough to make him think he could kiss her heart. He eased his hands out from under her top and placed them on her legs. He tugged on her legs and moved them around his body, then moved to her arms and hooked them around his neck, kissing her all the while. He stood eventually and pulled Sam's body with him. She prised her lips from his and used her tongue to trace a line to his ear and bit down on it gently.

"Not fair," he breathed out as he tried to maneouver their bodies around his house while attempting to ignore Sam's advances for the moment.

When Sam's lips met his again, it was fiercer than he expected and he stumbled and fell against a wall. He pressed her into it as she battled with his tongue for dominance over his mouth, while her hands slipped into the back pockets of his trousers and pulled his body closer and closer to hers.

He tore his lips from hers and trailed a fiery track of kisses along her neck and she arched it, giving him better access, panting as he sucked gently on her pulse point. He lifted her higher up on his body and dipped his head, nibbling at the exposed flesh of her heaving bosom. His tongue tasted the salt of sweat and tears and he groaned, leaning heavier against the wall as his knees began to weaken.

He managed to pull his head back up and pulled back from the wall, one of his hands holding Sam's head to his and the other around her waist to stop her falling. When they reached the bedroom he walked over to the bed and kneeled against it, placing Sam gently onto it. He reached behind him and unhooked her legs and stood. He saw her brown eyes follow him as he stepped away from the bed for a second, to get a fuller view of her body, waiting for him.

Slowly, he returned to her and covered her body with his, sliding his arms under her and across her back, encompassing her whole body, kissing her passionately. He leant back and pulled her body with him, until they were sitting up facing one another. He pulled her long sleeved top over her head and brushed a few strands of awry hair away from her face. He leaned over her again and pushed her gently by the shoulder back onto the bed and his hand slid from her shoulder to her breast and he massaged it gently. He could feel her chest heaving under his touch and he grinned breathlessly.

Her hands were tugging at his shirt - but from the wrong end. She hooked her fingers over the collar and with each massage he made, her fingers pulled down on the shirt, her breaths coming in short, breathy rasps. She felt his lips on her neck and she let out a strangled sound as his tongue sent shivers down to her very core. She had never felt so aroused and she knew that he was only beginning.

She dragged her nails down his back and tugged his shirt up and he leaned away as she yanked it over his head and she saw him grin at her. She sat up slightly and bit down on his nipple and he almost collapsed on top of her. Grinning herself, she closed her lips around it and began to suck, flicking her tongue across it and then let her tongue slide over to his other nipple and do the same there. She felt his short breaths on her hair and she grinned more. She felt his hands on her back, fumbling for the clasp of her bra.

Frowning he pulled away and Sam looked at him innocently and took his hand. She placed his hand between her breasts and took two of his fingers and ran them over the ridge that was the clasp. He closed his eyes and groaned.

Could she _be_ any more erotic?

He opened his eyes again and saw that she was pouting slightly, her lips swollen. He quickly undid the clasp and pulled the fluorescent pink garment off her body and tossed it across the room. He heard it fall to the floor and he leaned down to her again, taking one breast in his hand, the other in his mouth, he began fondling with the now exposed skin and he heard her moan his name.

He could tell that she had never been made love to before.

His hand left her breast and he traced a line down her stomach and down to the button of her jeans. He slid his body down hers again, placing random kisses across her torso and he slid her pants off her legs. As he ascended her body again, his lips grazed the inside of her thighs and Sam's hand was instantly on his head, holding him in place. He fought against it and continued his flight up her body.

"Zelim te..." He whispered into her ear and he heard her groan out his name again.

Her hands were suddenly on his belt buckle, pulling at it and yanking it from his hips. Her fingers made deft work of his zipper and button and she used her toes to push his trousers down his legs. Luka stood and stepped out of his trousers and moved to remove his boxers but Sam's hand on his wrist stopped him. He looked at her with a frown on his face.

"Let me."

Luka closed his eyes and waited for her touch on his skin but when it didn't arrive he opened his eyes again and found Sam simply staring at him, unashamedly taking in his full form.

"Just like I remember," she whispered as she leaned forward, her eyes rivetted on Luka's.

She slipped her arms around his waist and pulled his body close to hers, kissing underneath his belly button, above the wasitband of his boxers. Her teeth grazed his hip bone and he murmured in Croatian again and grabbed her head and held it there. Sam laughed gently, sending waves of passion to his already painfully pulsating arousal. She ran her tongue over his sensitised skin and quickly pulled his boxers off of him. She sat back and he stepped out of them and smiled wanly.

"Trebam te," she heard him murmur and she looked back up to him, seeing him watching her, waiting for her to take him in so he could continue his own adventure of her body.

"I want you..." she sighed and flopped back onto bed.

She felt it dip as he leaned back down and felt his hands on her hips and then felt her panties being pulled away from her. Seconds later, she felt a cool breeze on her warm, moist core and her hand flew into her hair and gripped it hard.

"Oh God," she almost cried out as she felt Luka's naked body press her into the bed. "I need you," she panted.

"Trebam te, zelim te..." he murmured into her ear as he flicked his tongue over her lobe.

He slid into her and she moaned along with him.

Her fingers dug tightly into his skin, her nails making half-moon indentations on his shoulder blades.

He stilled inside of her and she whimpered.

"Luka, please, please," she begged and opened her eyes to see him staring down into her eyes.

"Look at me, don't close your eyes," he told her and she nodded, resisting the urge to roll her eyes back into her head as he began thrusting again.

Minutes passed and were filled with quiet moans that built in intensity and the passion between the two lovers intensified.

He panted words in both english and Croatian and Sam simply moaned his name. As the first waves of her orgasm coursed through her body, Sam cried out and bit down onto Luka's shoulder as he called her name into the passion filled room.

"Look at me," he commanded and she pulled back from his shoulder and stared into his eyes as he cupped her face.

She moaned over and over and over as she was hit, wave after wave after wave, with raw passion. She felt Luka collapse on top of her and she kissed the dip of neck, as he did the same to her. She ran her hands over his sweat slicked back and then into his sweaty hair and down his cheeks and pushed his head up.

She stared into the aftermath of passion and pulled him down to her and they kissed, lazily, while the very last shudders of their love-making coursed through their bodies.

After a few minutes, Luka flipped their positions, so Sam was lying on top of him, her head on his chest, him still inside of her.

He looked at the clock at the side of the bed.

05.19 am.

_I met myself just today  
Came alive in my grave _

Welcome to the beautiful... the beautiful

**TBC**


	18. Chapter 17

"Is Mr or Mrs Kovac around?" A young medical student asked as he looked at the numerous faces that had gathered around admit.

Abby looked up from her notes and saw Malik and Frank looking at her, their eyebrows raised.

"Who?" Abby asked as she frowned at the use of the title "Mrs" Kovac.

She saw the medical student flip something over in his hand and read the scribble there.

"Uhh... Luka or Sam Kovac, I was told they'd be down here?" He said with a confused frown gracing his features, making him look like a twelve year-old.

Abby reached out and took the picture from his hand and looked at it. It was Sam and Luka at the Christmas party. She shook her head slightly in frustration as she took in their stances. Luka had his arm around Sam's waist, his fingers splayed intimately over her hips, his face was gentle - his lips curved happily, his eyes on Sam. Sam had her hand on Luka's stomach, a wide toothy grin on her face, while her eyes were laughing and looking just past the camera.

No wonder he thought they were married.

"It's Luka Kovac and Sam Taggert and they're not in yet," Abby snapped.

"Actually, here's the happy couple now," Frank jested and motioned towards the doors that led into the ER.

Abby turned and saw Luka and Sam walk in together. His hand was on her elbow as he guided her through the mess that was County General ER's waiting room. When they reached the door, Sam punched in the code that allowed them access to the ER and they walked in.

"That is one lucky son of a bitch," the med student said as he walked away and Abby frowned in his direction.

Turning her eyes back to Luka and Sam, she saw Sam turn to Luka as he spoke a few words into her ear. Sam placed her hand over his on her elbow and smiled before moving away in the direction of the lounge.

Abby rolled her eyes and shook her head as she watched Luka watch Sam walk away. He turned to admit when Sam was fully out of sight and walked over to Abby, putting his gloved hand on her forearm and kissing her forehead.

She smiled despite herself.

"Good morning," he greeted everyone at the desk and they replied in their own manner.

"Something came down for you and Mrs Kovac from upstairs," Frank announced as he clicked on the computer and grumbled to himself.

Frowning, Luka turned to Abby who held the photo in her hand.

"One of the cardiology med students brought it down," she told him as she handed it over.

"Hey Luka," Susan Lewis said as she entered admit and saw him smile at something in his hand. "What you got there?" She asked as she peered over the edge of the picture and took in the captured moment. She awed and quickly looked to Abby, who was simply smiling. "That's a really great picture of Sam," Susan cooed as she looked more closely at it.

"Yeah," Luka breathed and barely contained his grin as he remembered an even better picture of Sam: one that would be forever stored in his memory; Sam Taggert standing naked in his shower with her curls plastered to her head, beckoning him towards her.

Behind them, there was a buzzing sound.

"Forty seven year old female, delusional, altered at the scene. Severe lacerations to her lower abdomen and legs - she tried to climb out of a two foot by one foot window and got herself stuck."

Susan groaned as she moved towards the moving gurney.

"I got this one. Trauma two is open. Abby you're with me."

Abby nodded but before she moved away she placed her hand on Luka's arm and he looked up from his study of the photo startled.

"You look really tired, are you okay?" She asked gently, her eyes probing his.

She saw him nod and smile.

"Didn't get much sleep last night, I'm really tired."

"Abby!" Susan yelled from the trauma room further down the hall.

"I'll see you later," he assured her with a nod and watched her walk away before pivoting on his heel and moving towards the lounge, holding the picture gently between his fingers.

"Sam!" Abby yelled as she saw the nurse walk past the trauma room. "Sam, I need your help!"

Sam bustled through the doors and took in Abby's situation. Blood was pouring out of the patient's abdomen and she was convulsing violently.

"Holy shit," she said as she moved to the bed and threw her body over the patient's legs. "Isn't this Susan's crazy patient from this morning?" Sam asked as she tried to keep the legs from flying in the air.

"Yes! Can you get an attending in here, please?" Abby shouted as she tried to hold her hand over the spurting laceration while attempting to hold the patient still.

Sam let go and rushed into the hall, noting the red stains on her scrubs and looked up and down the corridors. Seeing no attendings, she ran to admit and saw Luka and John standing chatting to one another while holding several clipboard.

"Hey!" She shouted and Luka and John looked up. Instantly both of the dropped their charts and rushed out of admit. "Abby needs help in trauma two. Lewis' crazy patient has started spouting blood and is seizing!" Sam was running back down the corridor with both attendings on her tail.

"What happened? Where is Susan?" John asked as he sat on the patients chest, whilst Sam grabbed her legs again.

"She had to go up to surgery with a patient, she should be back soon. I don't know what happened! I was just walking past and she was spurting, then when I came in she started seizing," Abby said as she stood next to Luka, reading the chart with him.

Sam looked around her and noticed a tube and a scalpel lying on the floor next to the bed.

"Uuh, Abby?" Abby looked up and Sam nodded in the direction of the two items she had seen.

"Shit," Abby half shouted as leaned down and picked them up and threw them onto the table next to the bed.

"She's a cutter?" Luka asked, his eyes fixed on the clipboard.

"We thought she had tried to climb though the glass, she had fragments in her legs and abdomen. But-"

"Uh, a little help here!" John said as he attempted to roll the patient underneath him.

"Carter!" The doors to the trauma room opened and Rosa stuck her head in, took in the scene then looked at Carter. "You're whacko kid in curtain two is trying to burn his way through all the curtains in the ER. Says he won't stop until he sees you," she told him and John shook his head.

"I'm a little busy!"

"It's all right Carter, I can handle this," Luka said as he held the patient on her side, his fingers sliding into her mouth to prevent her biting down onto her tongue.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, go," Luka nodded in the direction of the door and John jumped down from the gurney and left. "What meds is she on?"

"No history, but we gave her vicodin, the only thing that was wrong with her was the pain from her lacs. Until now," Abby said as she racked her brain trying to think of what to do.

"Sam, hold her still!" Luka ordered as she began to convulse even more violently.

"I'm trying!" Sam yelled back as she was kicked in the stomach. "Ah, fuck!" She mumbled as she resisted the urge to pull away and hold her winded side.

"Give her-" Luka began but when he saw Abby inject her with an anti-seizure drug he stopped. "Never mind," he muttered and smiled to Abby.

After a few seconds, the seizure stopped and Sam and Luka stepped away. Sam put her hand to the base of her rib cage and held it there, leaning over slightly to regain her breath.

"You okay?" She heard Luka ask and nodded without looking up.

"Winded... but fine."

"Thanks Sam," Abby said and Sam looked up and smiled at her slightly.

"I'll get this place tidied up."

She looked to Luka and noticed that he had blood covering his entire lab coat and then to Abby and noticed that she too was saturated. She looked down to her own body and realised that she was the same.

"Thanks, Sam," Abby said as she made to leave the room. "Oh, Sam?" Sam turned to her. "You coming to the New Year Party tonight?"

Sam frowned, looked quickly to Luka and shook her head.

"I... can't. Steve's parents are still here and still complaining that I didn't spend Christmas with them. Sorry," she smiled apologetically and ignored Luka's gaze on her. "But, uh... one of our friends from Illinois is opening a restaurant here in Chicago tomorrow and is having a party, if you guys want to come along?" Sam suggested and looked between Abby and Luka.

"Well, I'm working eight till five, and he," Abby pointed to Luka who sniggered at her, "has the whole day off. What time does it start at?"

Sam laughed aloud and she tried to ignore the grin that broke out on Luka's face as she did so.

"Any time after seven pm and you'll get in."

"Okay, sounds good. Give me the details later, I need to get changed outta this," she flicked her lab coat away from her and Sam smiled and watched Abby leave.

Sam turned back into the room, walked to the cupboard at the back and began pulled out several cloths and then turned back to Luka, who was leaning against the edge of the gurney, watching her.

She shook her head and tossed a few of the cloths at him.

"Make yourself useful and help me clean this place up a bit," she said as she began wiping the blood from the cupboard.

"I have patients to see, you know," he complained and Sam jumped slightly when she heard his voice beside her ear.

She turned around and grinned up at him, as he took a few steps towards her.

"Doctor Kovac, Doctor Weaver is on the phone for you," Malik said as he entered the room and Sam saw Luka stop midstep, roll his eyes to the ceiling and sigh.

"Thanks," he smiled to Sam and winked at her before turning and leaving the room, leaving Sam slightly out of breath and watching his retreating back.

It had only been six hours since she had last had sex with him, in his shower, and only nine since she first had sex with him and already she was craving more. She hadn't even managed to make it home to get changed, instead had to quickly wash her shirt from yesterday and hope that no one noticed - especially Abby. Sam felt guilty, she _really_ did. But there was just something about the way that he made her feel when they were alone that made her think that it was worth it.

She had never been love to before, she had realised that earlier that morning when she felt - for the first time - truly fulfilled after 'making love'. She loved the way he had made her feel needed, wanted and so completely aroused. Never before had she experienced such full blown sensory arousal, and she wasn't sure she would ever be able to settle for anything less.

She closed her eyes against the mental images of Luka's naked body pressed intimately against hers and when she opened them several minutes later, she continued to clean up the room around her.

Luka hung up the phone and heaved a sigh. Kerry Weaver sure could complain. He looked down to the red mess on his lab coat and sighed. He didn't really have the energy to walk to the lounge to then have to change into scrubs.

He looked to the clock on the wall: 12.45. He had another five hours and fifteen minutes left of his shift and he wasn't sure he would see it to the end.

He shoved the door to the lounge open and stopped in his tracks, allowing the door to swing back and hit his hip, as he gripped his lab coat in his hand. He smiled and walked further into the room and heard the door click closed behind him. He saw Sam jump around at the sound, then yank her - rather large, he noticed - scrub top down over her head.

"Sorry," she said as she turned back towards her locker.

Luka's fingers latched around her wrist and he pulled her to his locker, where he knew no one would see them from the door or through any of the windows, threw his lab coat on top of his locker and pulled her top back over her head.

"Luka..." she complained but made no other attempt to stop him.

He allowed his eyes to roam over her body and he reached out to the bruise that was already forming from where Lewis' patient had kicked her. His hand covered the whole black area and he bent his knees so he was eye level with her. He saw that her eyes were closed and he leaned his forehead on hers.

"You should really have someone look at that," he whispered, as his fingers traced circles over her skin.

Her hand was suddenly in his hair pulling his head down into hers and he grinned against her lips as one arm slid around her waist and the other around her back. He leaned back and could feel the metal of the locker press into his back. He whimpered when he felt her lips leave his but then groaned when her lips were on his neck.

"And you really need to have someone look at that bite mark on your neck," he heard her mutter against his skin and he groaned again, thinking about how he had received that bite mark on his neck. "And you really, really need to get out of this bloody shirt."

He felt her fingers glide down the front of his shirt, over the buttons as she pulled it out of his waistband and made deft work of the buttons and was in the process of slipping it over his shoulders when they both heard the doors open to the lounge.

Sam jumped away from him and leaned down and pulled her scrub top off the floor and yanked it over her head then leaned casually against one of the lockers next to his locker as Luka searched in his pockets for his key to the locker, not even attempting to button up his shirt again - he would only be taking it off again in a matter of seconds anyway.

"Hey Luka, Sam," John Carter said as he rounded the corner, his head bent slightly to the ground.

"Carter," Luka greeted him, his voice shaking slightly and Sam simply smiled, even though he couldn't see her.

"You guys get that patient under control?"

Sam laughed in the back of her throat and nodded again.

"Yeah, and got one hell of a blow to my ribs," she complained as her hands subconsciously covered the spot where her ribs had been hit.

"You should have someone look at that," Carter murmured, his voice sounding mechanical as it echoed in his locker.

Sam and Luka glanced at each other and Sam had to kick start her autonomic systems when she saw that he had managed to take his shirt off and was in the process of pulling on a long sleeved T-shirt.

"Uh... maybe later," she mumbled as she looked away to the wall on the far corner. "What the hell is that?" She asked loudly as she spotted the picture on the wall.

She moved over to it and pulled it from its position, in the middle of all the other photographs pinned to the wall. She looked up at Luka and glared when she saw his innocent smile.

"Aw man..." she complained as she moved towards her locker, picture in hand and threw it in the still open door.

She slammed the door shut and turned back to Luka and John, who were now standing together watching her actions with amused grins on their faces.

"You know, you would think that with a thirteen hour waiting time and traumas coming in left, right and centre, our nurses and attendings would have something better to do than hang out in the locker room," Romano commented from the doorway.

Sam rolled her eyes towards Luka and John and walked past Romano and caught his prosthetic arm dipping towards her butt.

"Do it and I'll screw the thing off and feed it to my garbage disposal when I get home," she said icily and saw the hand retract. "You'd think that with a thirteen hour waiting time and traumas coming in left, right and centre that the chief of staff would have something better to do than touch up the nurses."

Then she left, leaving a seething Romano and a grinning Luka and John.

**TBC**


	19. Chapter 18

John Carter sipped on his bottle of Bud as he watched the clock on the wall as it ticked its way closer and closer to another year. He sighed as his eyes glanced casually around the room. His eyes came to rest on two of his best friends: Luka Kovac and Abby Lockhart. They stood beside each other but didn't touch. They were both standing angled to him, making him only able to see the left hand side of their faces. Luka was wearing a dark blue shirt and a pair of jeans, while Abby wore her hair loose, a pair of dark jeans and a brown halter top.

Luka, feeling someone watching him, turned towards Carter and nodded. John couldn't help but notice that something was missing from Luka's smile.

He knew - not through being told, but just by _knowing - _that Luka Kovac was very much attracted to Sam Taggert, the new nurse at the E.R. Not only had he overheard everyone in the E.R. talking about it, he had also seen the way that Luka was when he was around her. He was a completely different person. His shoulders were straight, his head held high, his smile genuine, his laughter loud - hell, even his _accent_ was heavier. He knew that Abby had noticed it because she had asked him if he saw it and asked what she should do about it. He had politely declined any involvement but told her to trust Luka, he was a good man.

But after today, John wasn't so sure.

He had saw the way that Sam's lips had been swollen when he walked into the lounge and found her casually leaning against a locker next to Luka's while Luka stood with his shirt hanging open, his hair awry. He had tried to reason, telling himself that they both had to change since they were absolutely saturated with blood, much like he had been, but he knew he had to speak with Luka to actually make sure.

He wanted so badly to be imagining things, but he wasn't so sure anymore.

"Hey John," Luka said from beside him as he reached out and lifted a bottle of beer from the table.

"Luka, what's going on?" He asked bluntly, not looking to his friends face but could feel the frown on his face. "You're attracted to her, aren't you?"

From the corner of his eye, he saw Luka turn to wear Abby was standing and then they both turned their eyes to the other, and John saw Luka's amused half smile.

"Of course I am," he said lightly.

"Not Abby, Luka. I'm talking about Sam, and you know that." John looked away again and heard Luka sigh.

"Yeah, I am. But she's an attractive woman. She's my friend and she's Abby's friend. Nothing more."

John didn't say anything, instead kept his head forward and bit down on his lip.

"I've seen the way you look at her - hell, everyone has seen the way you look at her."

Luka pulled his face into a grimace and shook his head, his eyes looking in the opposite direction from Carter.

"You're imagining things, Carter," Luka said eventually, his voice strained.

"You only call me Carter when you're annoyed at me. Now either I've hit a nerve, or I am really way off, which I don't think I am. So what is it Luka?" Luka remained stubbornly quiet. "So, you're trying to tell me that every time she walks into a room, you aren't the first one to notice, that you're eyes don't light up-"

"I don't know, I can't exactly see my eyes," Luka said abruptly.

"That you don't mutter in Croatian under your breath? When do you _ever _speak Croatian? I've certainly never heard it, unless it's when you're mumbling in your dreams about Danijela and Marko and Jasna."

Luka's head snapped around at the mention of his families names and he glared at Carter.

"What does what happened to them have to do with anything?" He snapped as he thumped his beer bottle onto the table.

"Luka?"

Luka spun around when he heard her voice and he felt the tension in his muscles drain away.

"Sam? What are you doing here? I thought you were with Steve and his parents tonight?" Luka asked as he attempted to put his hand on her arm, but she pulled away and wouldn't meet his eyes.

He frowned and cocked his head.

"Can I talk to you for a second?"

He nodded and turned to Carter, who was watching the whole scene unfold with a raised eyebrow. He glared at the younger man before walking away and following Sam, who kept a distance between the two of them.

When they reached the entrance to the hall, Sam abruptly stopped and turned towards Luka and stared at his chest, and tucked her hair behind her ear nervously.

"We can't do this anymore. We shouldn't have done it in the first place. Abby's my friend," she rushed out in one breath and Luka could feel his chest tighten with every word she spoke.

"Sam, what..?" he tried to reach out to her but, again, she resisted and took a step back, her eyes glancing around his body to where Carter was standing watching them.

"No, Luka. I've changed my shifts at the hospital too. We won't have to work together for at least a month. I just... I can't do this anymore."

It was when she flicked a strand of her hair out of her face that Luka could see a fresh bruise forming on her left cheek. Instinctively, he reached his hand up to it but she again pulled back.

"Sam, what happened?" He asked as he stepped closer to her, his eyes boring into hers.

"Nothing, I just... Abby's my friend. You're both still welcome to come tomorrow, ask Carter too. But I just... I have to go," she said and left before Luka had a chance to say anything else.

He stood for a second and then pivoted on his hell and marched back into the hall, where the countdown had began, indicating that the New Year was arriving.

Abby wrapped her arms around Luka's waist and she smiled brightly up to him. Luka could only manage a weak smile but before she could ask any questions, he crushed his lips to hers and tried to drown out any thoughts of Sam Taggert.

"Happy New Year," Abby whispered into his ear when they pulled back minutes later and he smiled at her.

"Happy New Year," he murmured as he pulled her body to his and began to sway to the 'Auld Lang Syne' that was playing in the background.

**TBC**


	20. Chapter 19

"What you want for dinner, babe?" Steve called through their apartment to Sam who was in the bedroom, getting ready for her shift.

"I'm working night shift, I'll get something on the way in!" She called back as she finished applying concealer and foundation over yet another bruise on her jaw.

She flinched as she touched it too heavily and shook her head, remembering how Steve's mother, Linda, had threw her shoe at her in yet another one of their arguments and caused the bruise: she didn't need a genius to tell her where Steve got his temper from. She was just thankful that they had left after their three week long visit.

"Is that Dr Kovac on tonight?" She heard Steve's voice at the door and, jumping slightly, she turned towards him and frowned.

"I told you that I'd changed my shift so I wouldn't be working with him, just like you told me to do." She couldn't keep the bitter tone out of her voice as she turned back and finished applying her make up.

"Hey!" She felt Steve's grip on her shoulder pull her around and she looked up at him. "You didn't answer my question."

Sam shook herself free from him and glared at him.

"No, he's not."

It had been three weeks since she had told Luka that they couldn't continue in what they hadn't really begun: after Steve found that photograph of her and Luka tucked in the pocket of her coat. They had argued heatedly that night and he had slapped her - hard.

Abby had come to the restaurant opening with Carter because Luka had been called into work but Sam couldn't help but feel he had avoided seeing her. She couldn't exactly blame him, though.

"Good beca-"

"I have to get to work," she said as she pushed past Steve and grabbed her bag from the bed as tears began to well in her eyes as she remembered the look of loss and despair that washed over his face when she had muttered those words to him.

"You don't start for another hour!"

But she was already out of the door and on her way to County General.

Luka drummed his fingers on the steering wheel of his new black Mitsubishi Warrior Truck as he waited for the traffic lights to change. He flicked through the stations and his fingers automatically stopped when he heard the news report:  
_  
"The reasons behind the disaster that struck in Chicago almost two months ago have still not been fully uncovered. The Chicago El crashed off the tracks at the High Street Station after one of the wheels came loose. The disaster caused a total of one hundred and forty five casualties, fifty of which were fatal. The investigation continues."_

He shook his head as his mind supplied him with images of the burning bodies and screaming children. He saw green and continued driving towards the hospital. Weaver had called him in because both Pratt and Gallant were suffering from food poisoning from when all the men had gone out the night before. He didn't mind the extra work though: it kept him away from his home, his bedroom that still smelled of Sam and was still filled with her images.

He hadn't seen her for three weeks now, since New Year, and he couldn't deny that he missed her. He had tried to spend more time with Abby over the past weeks but whenever he was with her, he missed the spark that he felt when he had been with Sam: that uncontrollable need to touch her at every opportunity; that burning sensation whenever their skin met, even for the briefest of moments. He felt guilty about how he had treated Abby, but there was something about the way he felt when he was around Sam that had made it seem that what they were doing was just... _right._

Clearly not to her.

He held a towel over his hand trying to stem the flow of blood that was pouring from the bite wound there from where one of his patients had decided he would make a good dinner.

"You should have someone look at that," Kerry Weaver told him and she shook his head.

It was then that his eyes fell on the form of Sam Taggert walking towards admit, her head turned down as she scribbled onto a chart. She looked up then back down and then back up again when she saw him standing there, blood dripping from his hand. He hadn't seen her for three weeks and she looked tired. Tired but good. 

His eyes followed her as she looked away from him and then walked out of admit. He frowned at her back and wished that she would turn around again.

"Hey, Sam?" He heard Weaver call after her retreating form and he saw her turn, her eyes flicking from him to Weaver.

"Yeah?"

"Watch out!" Carter yelled down the corridor as he trundled down the corridor after a young patient.

Sam turned towards his voice and attempted to jump out of the way of his patient but failed and was clamoured over the eyebrow with a metal bed pan.

"Ah shit!" She stumbled backwards and her hand flew to her head as she felt a wave of dizziness hit her.

"Hey, are you okay?" She nodded in response to Carter's query and watched as he continued down the corridor, calling for security to help him.

"Dammit..." she muttered as she turned back towards admit and walked straight into the chest of Luka, who had walked up behind her.

She could feel his hand on her waist, the other prying her hand away from her eyebrow. She felt his fingers spread over her tender bone and she pulled away quickly, not wanting to feel his touch again.

"Ow - fucking, ow!" She complained at him and returned her hand to where it had been.

"Miss Taggert?" Sam turned towards the voice, her hand shaking as it covered her wound and she wasn't sure if that was from pain or from Luka's touch.

She saw Layla, the pregnant teenager from weeks before.

Luka felt Sam's body shake slightly as his fingers rested on her back and he put a hand on her shoulder, knowing what this woman represented to Sam.

"Do you have a minute?" Layla asked and Sam nodded, stepping out of Luka's grip.

Luka saw Sam turn to Kerry and give her a shaky smile, her face ashen as she walked out of the ER with Layla by her side.

"Looks like the crazies are out tonight."

Luka nodded in agreement and watched as Sam turned her head towards Luka from where Luka knew she had been staring back into admit at him.

"I just... wanted to tell you that I took your advice and called the police. A date has been set for the trial. It's in three weeks and I was just wondering... would you be able to come?"

Sam stood with her hands on her hips and she attempted to control her breathing as she saw the slight swell of Layla's stomach. Sam frowned at her for a second then nodded.

"Yeah sure," she confirmed and she saw the girl smile gratefully.

"I just... I also want to thank you so much. I wasn't going to keep the baby but you made me see that... yeah."

Sam felt tears well up in her eyes again and crushed them down.

"It's no problem. I've been where you are, it's not going to be easy but you'll make it just fine," she smiled and placed her hand on the girls arm.

"Thank you."

Sam felt herself pulled into a hug and after a stunned few seconds, she returned it.

"Thank you, thank you," Layla mumbled again and Sam could tell the young woman was very close to tears.

"Hey, hey, hey. It's okay. Just... give me a call at the hospital and we'll see about me getting my shift sorted around the date of the trial."

Layla smiled and wiped her hand over her face and nodded.

"Thank you, again, Miss Taggert."

Sam smiled sadly and watched her walk away.

Turning back into the ER, she walked up to admit and saw Carter standing waiting for her. He walked up to her and placed a hand over her elbow.

"I'm sorry, Sam. It's that whacko kid that tried to burn down all the curtains down in here about a month ago, had me chasing him all over the goddam hospital. Come on, let me get this checked out for you," he said hurriedly and Sam shook her head and laughed lightly.

"It's fine, just a bruise," she told him with a smile.

"Well, it'll need a couple of paper stitches. Just... come on."

She relented and followed him into the darkened exam room. She walked in behind him and heard Chuney talking animatedly to someone in one of the beds. When Sam stepped out from behind John, she saw Luka sitting on one of the beds while Chuney cleaned up what looked to be a nasty bite wound on his hand. She frowned in concern but didn't say anything and walked over to a bed and propped herself on the edge of it.

"What happened to your hand?" John asked Luka as he examined Sam's head and no one in the room could deny the tension that had erupted in the room when Sam and Luka had looked at each other.

"Crazy patient decided she wanted something to eat and didn't want to wait for her food to come," Luka's heavily accented voice said and Sam shuddered slightly.

"Sorry," John muttered, thinking he had caused the shudder.

Sam simply smiled and reached her hand up to play with her necklace - something she noticed she did a lot lately.

"Wow, that's gorgeous," Chuney said and pointed to Sam's necklace, as she stood next to the bed getting a gauze plaster from the storage closet.

Sam looked down and blushed slightly. She saw Luka's head turn in her direction and she tried to tell herself that he didn't look absolutely gorgeous with a look of surprise on his face. 

"Steve get it for you?" Chuney said as she barged Carter out of the way to look at it.

Carter let out a laugh and glanced to Luka who had an animated smile on face.

"Uh, no actually," Sam smiled slightly and her eyes were subconsciously drawn to Luka's face.

He looked tired. His eyes were dark, past the point of being a good look for him and Sam couldn't help but frown in concern. She saw him smile sadly at her and she looked away quickly.

"No?" Chuney was still trying to look at Sam's necklace but John was muscling his way back in, using his butt.

Sam grinned to herself and looked back to Luka who was now looking down at his hand, while Chuney put the gauze strip over the now clean wound.

"Doctor Carter?" Malik stuck his head in the door and looked at John who was just about to place the first dissolvable stitch onto Sam's head. "You're whacko kid has got himself another lighter and is trying to burn his way out of his restraints."

"You're kidding?" John said as he looked around, his hand paused in mid air above Sam's face.

"It's all right John, I'll finish up for you in here."

Sam snapped her head around to Luka and stared at him.

"You sure?" John asked as he turned his head around to Luka who nodded. He placed the forceps onto the table he had pulled over.

Luka waited for a few seconds after Chuney and John left the room, then slid off the bed and moved slowly towards Sam. She pulled her head down to her chest and sighed.

She couldn't do this.

She felt his fingers under her chin as he tugged her face back up. She tilted her head upwards but kept her eyes downcast as he rubbed her eyebrow with a swab and then place the first paper stitch there. They remained in silence for the two minutes that it took him to apply the stitches and then they just stayed where they were: him standing in between her legs, her in front of him, her eyes trained on his heaving chest.

"I can't do this anymore," he said quietly as his hand rose slightly off of the bed at the side of Sam's legs. "I can't keep pretending like nothing has happened," he said as he raised his eyes to hers and she gulped down at the emotion that his eyes held. 

"Luka..." she breathed out and lowered her eyes from his, her eyes once again training on his shirt collar."We can't talk about this," she made to jump off the bed but his hand on her thigh stopped her. She looked down at the hand accusingly, but he didn't remove it. His other hand reached up to her shoulder and he began to play idly with the fabric of her scrubs. She closed her eyes against his touch and tried to regulate her breathing.

"I... I can't stop thinking about you," he announced and Sam looked back up to him and pulled her lips between her teeth as she felt - again - tears well in her eyes. "I miss you."

Sam opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. She just stared at him for a few minutes, watching how the dim light from the bedside tables highlighted his defined jaw bones, how the shadows made his eyes darker.

"I cry at night thinking about it, about what we did. About what we could have had." She shook her head at her own words and looked down from her study of his face. "It's been three weeks, Luka, three weeks and I can still feel you - inside of me."

They were silent again and Sam stood up and walked past Luka, putting as much distance between them as possible. She leaned against a bed and closed her eyes against the emotions that were raging within her. 

She felt his presence behind her but she didn't turn around. 

"I can't stop thinking about you, Sam," he said again and wanted so desperately to reach out and touch her, to let her know that he was there. But he didn't. "I can't look at you, because every time I do all I want to do is reach out and kiss you." 

She turned around then and he could see the tears in her eyes.

"Don't, Luka." She pleaded as she fought back tears. "Please. I, I can't do this anymore. I can't see you, I can't even look at you because when I do I'm reminded of what we did. Of what I know can never happen again," she was really struggling now, as her throat closed up and her eyes glazed, her gaze becoming foggy. "I have to go," she said and turned away from him and walked out of the door.

Luka sighed heavily and watched the door swing for a few seconds before muttering into the empty room:

"Volim te... I'm falling in love with you..."

**TBC**


	21. Chapter 20

Sam stood outside the doors of the ambulance bay, staring up at the still silent El station, for a long time after her shift finished. The crisp January air blew around her body and she shivered slightly against the cold and hugged herself tighter.

Ever since her run in with Luka earlier in the morning she had avoided him like the proverbial plague. She had ran labs down to the labs, picked x-rays up from x-ray on her own instead of waiting for the techs to bring them back up just to escape from his stripping stare.

Rain started to patter down onto her head, sprinkles at first but then heavier and heavier and she made no move to get out of it. The morning was still dark, the six am sun not yet ready to peak it's weary head over the horizon just yet and she was thankful. She preferred days like these, the ones that reflected her mood the best. She laughed sadly to herself as Luka's words echoed in her head.

_"I can't stop thinking about you..."_

"Oh, you have no idea..." She shook her head and walked to the centre of the ambulance bay and opened her arms to the sky, tilting her head upwards and allowing the rain to wash away her silent tears.

Luka exited the hospital through the back entrance and glanced at his watch: 06.01. He looked up and stopped.

Smiling to himself, he stood under the shelter of the corrugated iron roof and watched as Sam stood, arms spread wide, dancing in the rain, laughing gently to herself. He could hear her childish giggles from where he was standing and he felt himself grin.

Her jacket was wet and hanging around her elbows, her eyes closed, her tongue sticking out between her lips, her thin red top plastered against her body, her long curls hanging straight and sticking to her face.

She had never looked more amazing.

_The rain is like an orchestra to me  
Little gifts from above meant to say  
Girl, your falling at his feet  
Isn't it lovely, you're stunning today_

She knew he was watching her, she could feel his eyes on her back but didn't hear his footsteps until he was right next to her and his lips were on hers. She didn't even attempt to push him off of her, didn't care that they were standing in the middle of the ambulance bay and that anyone could walk out at any minute and find them there. All that mattered was that he was there and she was there and that they were there together.

She felt his arms slide around her back and she grinned against his mouth as she felt his tongue run along the edges of her teeth but she pulled away slightly, her body still crushed to his.

"Somewhere else," she panted against his face and saw a grin spread across his face. "You're car?"

He nodded and kissed her again, backing their bodies out of the bay, his hands never leaving her.

_I'll find a way to see you again  
I'll find a way to see you again_

"I'm not, going to have... sex with you... on the hood of my new car," he said breathlessly as Sam tugged his shirt out of his trousers and pulled his aching body against her, as she leaned further back onto the shining black hood of his car.

He felt her legs hook around his waist and he tried to contain the low groan escaping from his throat and failed - miserably. He managed to pull himself away from her - using every last ounce of will power to do so and knew that if she pulled him down again he would be helpless to do anything but take her right there and then, on the hood of his new car in the brightly lit parking lot of the hospital.

He slid back and she moved with him, her legs still wrapped around his body, as her lips connected with his jawline again. He slammed her against the passenger door and fumbled with the keys as he tried to unlock the door.

Her bewitching assault was more than a _little_ distracting.

"This is familiar," she murmured as she ran her hands over his butt and pulled him closer to her, while sucking gently on his neck.

She couldn't believe she had jumped him, especially after the speech she had given him about this not happening again.

"Stop it," he demanded but she only grinned and blew across his neck where her lips had been. His head dropped onto her shoulder and he growled in the back of his throat.

He finally managed to get the door open and he uncermoniously deposited Sam onto the seat, trying to ignore the fact that they would both be dripping water onto the soft, new leather of his car.

He literally ran to the other side of the car and jumped in, fastened his seat belt and started the engine, ignoring Sam's hand that was pattering across his chest, as she slid a leg over both of his.

"Sam," he turned to her with a raised eyebrow and he saw her try to hide her smile.

He just wasn't threatening when his eyes were dark with passion and his lips were curved seductively up at the corners.

"Keep that up and we won't make it to my house alive," he told her, his voice oozing seduction with every word.

She closed her eyes and nodded against his shoulder but didn't remove her leg from its position and continued to draw lazy patterns on his chest, her lips occasionally connecting with his neck.

_Hey Kid, your time has come to change  
Though I need you more than I've needed anyone in any way tonight  
Hey Kid, I know it won't be long  
The Captain's calling - come to see you back where we belong _

He stumbled up the last two steps as Sam stood before him, pulling him by the collar up his stairs, her lips on his. She grabbed his keys out of his hand as he pulled them out of his pocket and turned her back to him as she slid them slowly into the keyhole. He stood behind her, his hands automatically resuming their position under her breasts, dragging his thumbs across the swells and he could feel himself coming undone.

He leaned down further and nipped lightly on the lobe of her ear, before brushing the hair off of her neck and tracing his tongue along the dip at the base of her skull. He heard a thunk as her head hit the wood and he laughed, his breath causing shivers to run around her body.

This was a feeling that they both knew neither would tire of.

_Hey Kid, do wishes count at all?  
Can you give me a sign - give me anything?  
I won't tell a soul you told  
Hey Kid, will you hold me when I sleep?  
Will you find me when the tide decides that I got to leave?_

He fumbled with the lamp in the lounge but Sam's hand on his arm stopped him.

"Leave it," she ordered and he stopped, turned his body into hers and quickly pulled her jacket off her shoulders.

She squealed in response but instantly tugged at his coat and they both fell to the floor with dull, wet thuds. He stood back and took in her form: her top was moulded to her breasts and her nipples were erect, her eyes closed and bosom heaving.

"Lijep..." he muttered and he saw her shudder and reach out to him as her knees weakened.

He reached out and yanked her top over her head and quickly removed her bra, with a back fastening this time. He pulled her backwards onto the sofa and she fell on top of him. He attempted to roll her underneath him but they fell to the floor and they both laughed, but when he felt Sam's hands glide up his chest and over his shoulders, pushing off his shirt that she had unbuttoned in the car, his laughter turned to moans.

"Sam... Sam I need to feel you," he said desperately and Sam could only nod as she felt a deep hollow feeling envelope her stomach.

She quickly pulled his belt from its resting place around his hips and pulled his trousers from his long, long frame. She pushed him off of her and stood up in front of the coffee table and undid the drawstring on her scrub bottoms and pulled them down along with her panties. She stepped out of them and kicked them to the side.

_Sunset sailing on April skies  
Bloodshot fire clouds in her eyes  
I can't say what I might believe  
But if God made you he's in love with me _

She watched him for a moment, his dark, green eyes burning her image to his memory. His chest was heaving up and and down, as he lay with his whole upper body weight resting on the back of his forearms, his legs bent at the knees, splayed to the side, waiting for Sam to step into him.

They both knew they would never make it to the bedroom.

She stepped towards him and lowered herself onto him and both of them moaned the other's name. He wrapped his arms around her waist and began urging her body faster and faster against him until they both reach their peak and shook violently, calling out each others names and panting words that they would later have no recollection of.

"I love you."

"I love you, volim te..."

_So now I stand  
I never stood before  
What's better left unsaid is done, buried and dead and you're alive  
Girl I think you might just stay the night _

Luka woke slowly and felt a weight on his chest. He looked down his nose slightly and saw Sam curled around him, her upper body thrown across his chest, her head resting on his left shoulder, while both her legs were wrapped around his left leg.

He stroked her hair gently as she began to stir against him. She tucked her head further into him and then she looked up with a lazy smile on her face as her eyes were half closed with sleep.

"Time is it?" She asked, and Luka decided that he very much liked the way her voice sounded just after she woke up.

"About noon," he mumbled against her lips as she kissed him lazily.

She sat up slightly and pulled herself over to his right side, covering her top half with the sheet.

"I should go, Steve will be wondering where I've been."

Luka resisted the urge to pull her back down and kiss her until she fell back asleep, instead nodded and watched as she stood up, then hauled himself out of bed too.

They got dressed in a comfortable silence in which they caught the other staring many, many times.

Eventually Sam was able to pull away from the slow, sensual kiss that was quickly becoming something a lot more passionate and backed out of the room.

"We still have to talk about this, Sam," he told her and he watched her smile grow wistful, then she nodded.

"But not just now. We're on the same shift tomorrow, we can talk after that."

He nodded and walked her to the door, where he kissed her again, making sure she remembered that.

"How you getting home?" He asked when he pulled back and fiddled with a strand of her hair.

"There's a cab station around the corner," she told him and he nodded his head.

He pecked her lips again and felt her smile.

"I'll see you tomorrow." He watched her walk away and reach her hand up to her neck. "Hey, Sam?" She turned to him with a small frown on her forehead. "I'm glad you wear it."

Several minutes after Luka closed the door there was a knock on it and he grinned as he stood to answer it from his position on the sofa.

He opened his mouth to say "What did you forget?" but when the door opened to reveal Abby he paused and then smiled.

"Abby? What are you-"

She kissed him.

"Haven't seen you in a while, thought I'd come on by and see how you were doing."

Luka smiled slightly and looked to where his bedroom was and frowned, knowing that the bed would still be warm from where he and Sam had slept in it. Panicking slightly he led Abby to the sofa and sat her down.

"How about some lunch? Let me get cleaned up and we can go out," he said as he kissed her forehead and she nodded.

When he reached the bedroom, he closed the door and leaned heavily against it.

What the hell was he doing?

_But in this light  
In this atmosphere  
I'm starting to believe  
The other side of me but who's to know  
Honey... surely one of us is crazy _

**TBC**

Songs are  
Rachael Yamagata: I'll Find A Way  
Five For Fighting: Maybe I...  
Five For Fighting: If God Made You...


	22. Chapter 21

"Luka, x-rays are back for Mr McGowan in two," Sam shouted as she rushed past admit, and deposited a large bundle of clipboards in the rack.

"Sam, you're guy in four was looking for you, something about a date...?" Abby winked slyly at Sam who simply turned and raised an amused eyebrow to the ceiling.

"Oh yeah... cause I go for the liver spots," she laughed as she quickly glanced to Luka, who was looking at her with his tongue sticking out between his teeth, resting on his bottom lip.

She _knew_ what _that_ look meant.

She heard Abby laugh as she continued walking down the corridor towards the elevator that would take her upstairs to surgery, where one of the children who had been involved in the MVC had been taken and was now asking for her.

She waited for the elevator to arrive and when she stepped into it, it was empty. She glanced at her watch: 14.10. She grinned and giggled slightly to herself. In less than three hours she would be off, in less than four hours she would be almost ready for her first date with Luka Kovac and in less than five hours, she would be _on_ her first official date with Luka Kovac.

She knew she shouldn't be excited because she really shouldn't be going on _any_ kind of date with Luka Kovac, considering that they were both already in long term relationships. But she couldn't help it; she was infatuated by the man, by the way he made her feel whenever she was near him. She shook herself out of her thoughts and smiled up at the corner of the elevator.

Steve hadn't even questioned her whereabouts the day before, when she wandered in from the night shift eight hours after her shift ended. He had simply pulled her to him and told her that he wanted her right there and right then. She had complied and maybe even enjoyed herself a little but she didn't experience the all over tingling when Steve touched her that she did whenever Luka _breathed_ on her.

She giggled again but caught herself and stepped out of the elevator when the car arrived at the desired floor.

Four hours and forty eight minutes to go.

Luka bobbed his knee slightly as he sat on a swinging chair in admit and stared at the clock. 

Four hours and thirty minutes and he would be on his first date with Sam. He grinned at the thought.

"You know staring at the clock won't make it go any faster," he turned towards the voice and smiled, standing up. "What, you got a hot date tonight or something?"

He gripped his hips with his hands to stop himself reaching out and touching her. She smiled up at him with her mouth wide and her tongue tucked into her cheek and he raised his eyebrow at her, trying to conceal his grin.

"I don't know about a date, but I know that there's going to be something hot there," he said playfully and Sam swatted his arm and he flinched away chuckling slightly.

"Hey, Sam, you got a phone call," Jerry called from the opposite side of admit and Sam sent Luka one last playful glare before walking away and picking up the receiver from it's resting place on the worktop.

"Sam Tagger-"

"Hey beautiful," Steve's voice sounded on the other end and Sam frowned slightly and leaned her hip against the edge one of the chairs.

"Steve," she said and looked up to Luka who had his back turned to her and was reading one of his charts.

"Just called to tell you that I'm on my way up to Elgin, my dad's in hospital again," he said and Sam realised that the sounds in the background were moving traffic. 

"What?" She exclaimed louder than she meant to and several of the ER staff and some patients turned their heads towards her. She turned away from Luka's surprised eyes and tucked the receiver against her shoulder. "When? Why didn't you call me?"

"Last night, my mom called just after you left this morning, I didn't want to bother you at work," he said as his reception began to break up and Sam frowned.

"You should have called me," she said, slightly annoyed. "I would have come with you." She knew she probably wouldn't have. 

"And put me through yet another one of your fights with my mother?" His tone was amused and Sam automatically reached up to her jaw and she ran her finger along the place where the bruise had once been. She shook her head and laughed breathily.

She saw a white-coated arm reach past her into the chart rack and she turned to see Luka's face and she smiled slightly at him. He placed a hand on her shoulder and moved away, taking a fresh bundle of charts. The ER was in overflow at that moment.

"How long will you be away for?" She asked as she watched Luka walk off down the corridor, with two med students following on his tail.

"I'm not sure, about two weeks - maybe three. Look I gotta go just now, reception is really bad. I'll call you when I get there."

Sam nodded and said her goodbyes then hung up, her eyes still on the spot where she had last seen Luka.

"He's too young for you, Sam," she heard Abby say from beside her and she turned to her with an amused frown on her face.

"What?"

"Oh come on! I saw you checking out the new med student. Have to admit, he's kinda cute," Abby said with a laugh.

"I did not!" Sam exclaimed loudly, her pitch rising a few octaves and Abby laughed only harder.

"You talking about her checking out the new med student?" Susan said as she took up residence on the other side of Sam's body.

Sam gawked at them both and shook her head while she laughed.

"I was not checking out the new med student, I wasn't." She couldn't help but laugh.

"Who was on the phone?" Abby asked as she indicated the device with her pen and looked to Sam.

"Oh, uh... Steve. He's gone home - uh up to Elgin for a couple weeks - his dad's in hospital again."

She looked down slightly and felt Abby's hand on her back.

"Sorry. Why didn't you go up with him?"

Sam laughed again.

"His mother and I don't exactly get along. Remember the bruise?" She pointed to where it had been. "Threw a shoe at me because I said that the movie she was watching wasn't that great."

Susan and Abby raised their eyebrows and pursed their lips.

"Ouch..." Susan said and looked sympathetically at her.

"Yeah, especially when her preferred brand of footwear is Timberland boots," she shook her head.

"Speaking of footwear..." Abby said conspiratorially and Sam and Susan subconsciously leaned closer to her to hear her lowered voice. "I was thinking that, since we all somehow managed to get the weekend off, we could go shopping, get some lunch..?"

Sam and Susan nodded.

"And that new Johnny Depp movie is out this weekend - Finding Neverland, we could go and catch that."

"Hell yeah," Abby said with a sigh and a grin on her face.

"Now that is hot and check-out-worthy," Sam said and laughed along with Susan and Abby.

"What's check-out worthy?" Pratt asked as he walked up to admit and looked at the three cooing ladies who were in a Johnny Depp inspired dream world.

"Johnny Depp's ass..."

"Johnny Depp's eyes..."

"Johnny Depp's... Johnny Depp."

They all cracked up at Sam's last comment and Pratt simply raised his eyebrow and shook his head. 

"And here was me thinking you were after the new med student, Sam," Pratt said sarcastically and Sam stared at him with her mouth and eyes wide.

"Oh my God! Did someone put a post-it somewhere that said I was checking out the new med student?"

"Ha! So you admit it?" Abby said as she slammed her pen down and pointed at Sam.

"No!" She laughed again and Susan's eyes slowly widened.

"You did! You were! Oh my _God_!"

Sam grabbed a few charts and walked out of admit, shaking her head.

"I wasn't!"

She disappeared around the corner and Susan and Abby shared a look with one another and Susan ran over to the stationary drawer.

Sam walked up to admit and propped her hip against the edge of the worktop next to Luka who was smiling down at her.

"Hey," she smiled and reached behind him to pull out another chart.

"So I see you have the hots for one of the med students."

Sam pulled her hand back and folded her arms, trapping her clipboard against her chest and raised her eyebrow to Luka who was trying not to grin. It was when she saw his eyes surreptitiously drop to his fingers that she saw the white post it attached to his right index finger.

"I am going to kill them!" She screeched as she reached out and pulled the post it from his finger. "Where the hell did you get that from?" She asked as she placed one hand on her hip and looked around her.

"Which one? I saw at least twenty and I just came over here from trauma one," he said with laughter in his voice and Sam gawked at him. He held his hands up and laughed at the expression that was forming on her face.

"I am _so_ going to kick their asses!"

Luka laughed at her again as she made to walk out of admit.

"I don't think that you are," he said as he gripped onto her wrist and pulled her around to face him, bringing her body closer to his. "They left an hour ago," he said and tugged her towards the lounge. "And we are leaving now, our shift ended forty seconds ago."

Sam laughed but shook her head.

"I still have to sign my patients over to Haleh," she told him as she began walking backwards, away from him.

"Already taken care of," he urged her back towards him with a smile.

"Why, Doctor Kovac, you seem to be in a hurry to get us out of here."

He raised his eyebrow towards her and cocked his jaw.

"I wonder why," he leered and Sam smiled invitingly.

"Well, in that case, we'd best get moving."

At 19.58 pm Sam heard a knock on her door and she smiled as she wrapped her scarf around her neck and pulled her long, black coat over her shoulders.

She opened the door and saw Luka standing, his own long black coat dropping just below his knees and smattered with the remnants of the snow storm outside. They stared at each other for a second, then he looked down and bit his lip, smiling gently.

"Ready to go?" He asked as he stepped into her apartment and looked around.

She nodded and grabbed her bag off of the bookcase and looped her arm through Luka's.

"Let's go," she said and he smiled as she locked her apartment and wrapped his arm around her slender shoulders.

_Here where the world starts spinning round  
take a ride and you'll feel what you've never found  
Here when the stars start fading out  
you hear the angels laughing without a sound _

He watched her as she fiddled with the rim of her wine glass before she picked it up and placed it to her lips, taking a drink from it. He took her in again, enjoying the way that her sky blue top dipped into a deep 'V' and tied at the side. He had been pleasantly surprised when he removed her jacket and saw that she was wearing a knee-length, black floaty skirt with strappy sandals. Her poor toes looked chilled, but _she_ looked great. Her hair was straight, making it seem longer and a few strands hung over her bosom and he felt jealous of their gentle touch on her skin.

"You look amazing," he whispered and he kicked himself for speaking so openly.

She looked up at him with a gentle smile and he saw a blush touch her cheeks.

He felt her eyes travel over his form and he smiled under her gaze. He had opted for a black turtle neck sweater that fitted his form well and a pair of plain black slacks - he could tell from the way that she stuttered when she tried to speak to him that she had appreciated the way he had dressed.

The restaurant they were in was on the east side of the city and they were situated at one of the wall booths at a table with a single tea-light candle flickering between them, the only other light being the romantically dim lighting from the overhead bulb two tables away from them. The music was gentle but he didn't recognise the artist, but he didn't really mind. She was pushing her fork around a plate of Bolognaise and he laughed as he remembered her face when she had asked for conchigli instead of spaghetti.

_"I don't want a tomato mouth..."_

"What?" She asked him and he shook his head at her.

"Nothing," he sighed as he put his glass of coke down and looked at her again. "We still need to talk about..." he motioned between them with his two index fingers and saw her nod. "I know that we are in relationships." She tried to interrupt but he shook his head and she quieted again. "I know that. But I also know what it's like to be with you... and I don't think I can live without that anymore."

She stared at him in silence for a long time and Luka began to think that he had spoken again in Croatian and was about to say her name when she ducked her head and took a deep breath.

"I know. God, I know... and believe me I've tried..." He smiled at her faltering words and reached out to capture her hand in his. He watched as his necklace sat delicately on her breast bone and he resisted the urge to reach out to it. "But... Abby's my friend and... I have Steve... and... I need to know if... I don't know..."

"Sam," he urged her to look up to him and only when his eyes met hers did he continue. "I need you, I want you and not just for the sex. I enjoy your company. I can talk to you and I like to think that you can talk to me. And I... I don't know... I think that I could... I need you in my life."

Silence ensconced them once again and Sam dipped her head again to hide the sorrowed smile that graced her features.

"We can't tell anyone about this," she said after the waitress picked up their plates and took them away. "There are reasons why Steve and I are still together. Abby loves you and she's my friend and... I don't want to hurt her."

It was Luka's turn to look down.

"I don't think I'll be able to not reach out and touch you every time I see you at the hospital. I don't think I'll be able to hide the fact that I'm falling for you, even more than I already have." His breath hitched slightly in his throat and he looked back up at her, with such pain in his eyes that it knocked the breath out of Sam.

"We have to Luka... imagine how difficult it would be at work. Everyone would hate us: Susan is one of Abby's closest friends; so is John. And they're our friends. We're the bad people in all of this, Luka, whose side do you think they would take?"

He looked down and gulped from his coke as he felt a lump form in his throat.

"I know that you're right. I just don't want you to be." He looked up at her again. "I don't agree with you saying that we are the bad people in this whole thing. We're not; we're trying to be happy. And yes, I am content with Abby - I thought I was happy, until I met you and you showed me what happiness meant again. Since you came into my life, I've changed. John told me how much I'd changed. He says that I 'walk taller, hold my head higher, smile genuinely for the first time since he met me.'" He made quotation marks as he spoke John Carter's words and stared directly into Sam's eyes. "Because of _you_."

"John knows?" Sam asked suddenly, scared that John had somehow figured it out - or that Luka had told him.

He shook his head, and Sam sighed in relief.

"He suspected, at New Years. But he told me that at Christmas."

Sam nodded but didn't say anything.

The waitress came back and asked if they wanted to see the dessert menu, but Luka shook his head and asked for the bill.

"I'm not asking you to pretend," she whispered as she looked back up to him and flexed her fingers against his palm. "I'm just asking you not to display openly to the whole of the ER that we're doing this." She motioned with her free hand between them and saw a smile begin to form on his face.

"So what is allowed?" He asked as he tugged her hand further across the table, causing her body to jerk forward and supply him with a clear view of her cleavage.

"You're a crude, you know that?" She laughed when she saw where his eyes had settled and swatted his hand gently and waited for the waitress to move away from their table after placing the bill there. "No kissing," he pulled a face, contorting his eyebrows. "No touching my ass - or my ass_ets_." He grinned at that one. "No holding hands, no hugging, no... that's it. Everything else is allowed." She smiled up at him.

"So I'm allowed to stare at you - and your assets - as you go about your daily routine?"

Sam laughed and nodded her head as she pulled him out of his seat after she put down enough cash to cover the bill.

_Hey Kid... Your time has come to change  
Though I need you more than I've needed anyone in any way tonight  
Hey Kid... I know it won't be long  
The Captain's calling...come to see you back where we belong _

Sam opened her eyes when she felt the car pull to a halt and she looked out of the passenger window.

"I thought you were taking me home?" She asked as she turned to him and found him watching her.

She smiled self-consciously. It would take a lot of getting used to - seeing him looking at her with such unadulterated passion in his eyes.

"I did."

He stepped out of his car and she followed, walking around to the entrance to his apartment.

She followed him up the stairs to his apartment in silence and waited until he opened the door and then stepped in to his home. He stopped in the centre of the lounge and she stopped behind him, his body turning towards her as she stepped closer to him.

Slowly reaching his hand up to her face, he stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. He traced his hand across the soft skin and tilted her head up to meet his and lowered his head to hers. When his lips were but a scant millimeter from hers he whispered:

"I want you to stay; I can't sleep without you with me... stay with me tonight?" His breath brushed her lips and his eyes were closing of their own accord.

He waited until he felt her head nod against his hand, then used his thumb to motion her lips closer to his and kissed her gently - as though for the first time - on the lips, pulling back after a few seconds, then repeating the motion. He felt her hands on his coat, pushing it from his shoulders and he let it drop from his shoulders before pushing hers off in one swift move, before kissing her again, then pulling back and lifting her sky blue top over her head, wrapping his arms around her back, fully encompassing her tiny form and guiding her to his sofa, as her hand combed through his hair, pulling him further into her.

"Stay with me forever," he murmured in Croatian against her lips and knew, somehow, that she had been able to understand him.

_I won't go  
I won't sleep  
I can't breathe  
And I won't leave  
I can't hide  
I cannot be  
Until you're resting here with me_


	23. Chapter 22

Sam, Abby, Susan and Neela sat outside the changing rooms in some rather comfortable, over-stuffed chairs waiting for Jing-Mei to step out from behind the curtain wearing the dress she was trying on for her cousin's wedding. The five medical personnel had all somehow managed to get the same weekend off and were enjoying that free time. Susan - who was secretly worried about the state the ER would be in when they got back, after it had been left in control of Kovac, Carter, Pratt, Gallant, Morris and Romano - stood up suddenly and went over to the curtain and yanked it back.

Jing-Mei squealed slightly and turned around while the other four stood before her in awe. The silver silk material clung to her body in all the right places, the occasional pattern of flowers only heightening the beauty of the dress.

"You have got to buy this one," Abby said as she stood up, allowing her bag to fall to the floor, and walked towards the woman.

Sam stayed in her seat with her mouth hanging slightly ajar, as she took in the beauty. Beside her she heard Neela mutter an almost silent "wow" and she nodded her head in agreement.

"Seriously, Jing-Mei, it's... wow," Sam said and Neela nodded.

"I'm not sure..."

Ten minutes later, the dress had been purchased and all five of the women were strolling back towards their cars and were discussing their next stop.

"Well, Steve's out of town and I have an apartment, a DVD with surround sound, a massive chick flick DVD collection and a telephone in which to call in whatever food we want..." Sam offered and they all nodded excitedly.

Sam couldn't believe how well all five of them got on, but considering the fact that they worked so closely together and were really the only women on the floor (apart from Weaver and some of the other nurses), it wasn't really all that surprising. It was a relatively new experience for Sam, to have 'girly' days in the town as most of her friends since her early childhood had been men, and none of them really wanted to spend much time trekking through malls buying lingerie, spending forty minutes trying on a zillion pair of jeans and deciding not to buy any of them or laugh over lunch in a cosmopolitan cafe.

She had enjoyed herself and she was happy.

But every time Abby mentioned the name Luka, Sam couldn't help but feel that her day was being tainted. She felt torn: she was falling for Luka but she was also unwilling to give up her friendship with Abby, or her safe bet relationship with Steve. And she knew that she couldn't give Luka up either. Steve had been out of town for three days already and Sam had spent every one of those nights at Luka's apartment, waking up in his bed curled around him in some manner and form.

She smiled slightly to herself as the quintet said their goodbyes and promised to be at Sam's by seven-thirty. She walked to her silver Ford Taurus and deposited her mass of bags in the trunk before sliding in behind the wheel and starting the engine.

She had less than two hours to try and tidy her apartment and put away her purchases before the 'girls' got there. She smiled at the thought.

She had just finished hanging up the new coat she had bought when she heard the doorbell ring and she smiled as she put the coat in her cupboard and rushed to the door. Opening it, she saw Abby and Neela standing there, ladled down with three bottles of wine and bags full of ice-cream and popcorn.

Laughing, Sam ushered them in, closed the door and pointed in the direction of the kitchen. Just then, the phone rang and Sam picked it up on the second ring.

"Hello," she said cheerily and began walking into the lounge, tucking the cordless receiver in between her cheek and shoulder.

"Hey, beautiful, you sound happy," Steve's voice sounded on the other end of the line and Sam smiled at the sound.

"I am. How are you? How's your dad?" She asked as she plopped down onto the sofa.

"I'm okay. He's still in hospital; they want to keep him in for a fortnight. It's his lung again, it's collapsed and their going to try and put a balloon in it to keep it up."

Sam nodded although he couldn't see her.

"I know the procedure, it's relatively straight forward."

Steve laughed on an exhaled breath and Sam smiled sadly for him. The doorbell rang and she called through to Abby to answer it.

"You got visitors?" Steve asked, his tone surprised.

"Yeah, just some friends from work. We've had a girl's day out, just the five of us. Now we're going to stuff ourselves with ice-cream and watch some chick flicks."

"Yeah, speak for yourself Sam; the way I'm going, I'll be sticking to carrot sticks myself!" Susan laughed and Sam shook her head in her direction.

"You look great, Susan, or didn't you see your reflection in those denims?" Sam called back as Susan left the lounge to go into the kitchen, where the other three were.

"Been shopping then, beautiful?" Steve asked while a smile in his voice and Sam smiled herself. "I hope you bought lots of nice things," he laughed gently and Sam shivered.

"Yeah... You sound really tired, are you okay?"

She could hear him light a cigarette and she shook her head slightly - she had tried to get him to stop, but it was a habit of fifteen years and one that no one could break.

"I've just been spending a lot of time at the hospital. Mom's really upset, doesn't think he's going to make it."

Sam shook her head.

"Well, tell her I said that she doesn't have anything to worry about."

Steve laughed on the other end and Sam cracked up herself.

"Oh yeah, I'm sure she would appreciate it," he jested and she heard him inhale a breath of carcinogenic air.

"Well you never know..."

They were silent for a few seconds and Sam heard the girls make their way into the room.

"I'll call you later, babe. Mom wants on the phone to call the hospital to see if we can go up there yet. Love you."

Sam hung up after returning the sentiment and dropped the phone on the floor.

When they were all settled comfortably on one of the two sofas or the arm chair, Sam lifted the remote control and pressed play on the DVD.

"So, what are we watching?" Neela asked with her strong, proper English accent.

Sam tutted and shook her head.

"Wait and see..." When the opening credits began, they all made some form of a squeak and Sam smiled as she settled down, placing her feet over an indignant Abby's lap.

Tears streamed down the faces of the five grown women as the credits of _When A Man Loves A Woman _played across the screen. After a few minutes of sniffing and giggling at one another, Sam heard the doorbell again and frowned.

They hadn't ordered any food in.

Standing, she wiped her eyes again and laughed when she saw Abby's red, puffy eyes and knew that hers were in a much similar state. She glanced at the clock: 23.02.

"You guys didn't order a taxi or something did you?" She asked as she climbed up the platform to the level of her door and waited for them all to indicate that, no they hadn't, before opening the door.

What she saw sent a rush of panic through her and her blood crashing to her feet.

Swinging the door open so he could see fully inside her apartment, she saw his face form an 'Oh' expression and then she spoke.

"Luka!" She said far too loudly and stepped back allowing him entrance into her hall way.

She stared at him with a "what the...?" expression on her face and he shrugged slightly, before removing his jacket.

"What are you doing here?" She asked as she walked back into her lounge and retook her position on the sofa, next to Abby and the largest bowl of popcorn.

"I heard that you ladies were having a girl's night in, thought I might join you," he lied convincingly and placed his hand on Abby's shoulder as he passed her on his way to the foot of the Susan's armchair.

"Yes, Luka, girls' night in and unless you've had plastic surgery performed in the last eight hours, you're not invited," Abby said playfully and threw a handful of buttered popcorn in his direction.

He laughed and moved out of the way of the poorly thrown shot and smiled at the other occupants of the room.

He noted their puffy eyes and the occasional sniff and he frowned in amusement at them all.

"Have you all been crying?" He asked, his tone ridiculing and the girls all looked at one another with embarrassed smiles on their faces.

"We watched _When A Man Loves A Woman_..." Susan supplied as she laughed at herself.

Luka raised his eyebrow and met the eyes of all five of them then shook his head.

"Sam, do you mind if I use your bathroom to clean myself up a little?" He asked as he spotted the two empty bottles of wine and the three quarters full third bottle sitting on the table.

"Couldn't you have done that before you got here?" Abby complained as she attempted to swat his knee and she wobbled on the edge of the couch.

Sam giggled and pulled her back onto the safety of the armrest and nodded to Luka.

"Just through the bedroom, the door on the back wall," she told him and he stood up and left the room.

She had managed to calm her racing heart beat when she heard his convincing lie and she had allowed her drunken eyes to take him in. It seemed like so long ago that she had actually seen him that she felt like it had been months and not merely thirteen hours ago. He looked tired, after what was no doubt a long shift, and Sam knew that he was there to take her to his apartment.

She didn't understand why he insisted that they always retreat back to his place, even when hers was closer but she didn't object. The less time she spent with him in her house would mean the less time she would spend lying awake at night, smelling him on the covers. She preferred his bed too. She was always able to sleep better when she was in his rather than in hers. She had also noticed that when he spoke of taking her back to his place, he always told her he was taking her home.

"Is that you thinking about Ray again, Sam?" Susan jested, her voice dripping with wine as her eyes struggled to stay open.

Sam rolled her eyes and lazily threw a corn at Susan's dosing face.

"I can't believe you made post-its saying that I was checking him out... the poor boy can't look me in the face anymore..."

"Yeah, that's because his eyes are concentrated somewhere else..." Jing-Mei suggested and they all burst into fits of laughter.

"I think men should have boobs," Neela said suddenly and in a tone that suggested that the thought was something of a breakthrough. "I mean... then they would know what it feels like to have them stared at!"

Abby raised her eyebrow at Neela and shook her head.

"Neela," she elongated the vowel in the middle of her name, "men wouldn't care, cause it would mean that they would be able to fondle themselves instead of having to attempt to grope at their... penises."

Sam laughed again and stood up from the sofa. Seeing Abby's confused stare, she thumbed in the direction of Susan who was asleep on the arm chair, her feet curled under her and her head resting on her palm.

"I should probably get her home," Jing-Mei said as they all stared at the blond haired woman.

"I'll get a blanket for her until you guys get your taxis."

Sam left them chatting in the lounge and made her way to her bedroom. When she stepped through the door she let out a strangled laugh at the sight that greeted her.

Luka was lying, face down, arms spread wide across her bed. Sound asleep. She watched him for a second then stepped out into the hall and grabbed Abby's attention.

"Abby, come here," she whispered loudly and Abby stood, gripping onto the furniture for support.

When she reached Sam's side, she leaned against the door frame and looked to Sam with a frown on her face.

"What?"

Sam tilted her head in the direction of her bed and saw Abby's eyes turn towards it. The soft expression that appeared on Abby's face was enough to swell the guilt inside her. She was so in love with this man.

"He looks so peaceful..." She whispered as she scratched her top lip with her index finger. She sighed and continued to watch him. "It's so strange, seeing him like this."

Sam turned from her watch of Luka's back rising steadily up and down as he breathed in the deep breaths of a peaceful sleep.

"Like what?" She asked hushedly, with a frown creasing her brow.

"Sleeping so peacefully. In the few times that I've actually spent the night with him, he's always had nightmares."

Sam looked away from Abby's face and stared at Luka. He had never had nightmares while she was with him. She looked down at her feet, then to Abby.

"The few times?"

"Yeah. He never stays over. And if he does, it's always at my place. Never at his. I can count on one finger the number of times I've woken up and he's still been with me in the morning."

Sam frowned more deeply at that.

"I thought you two had been together for like... eighteen months?"

Abby nodded against the doorframe.

"We have."

"Then I don't..."

Abby sighed.

"Ever since I've known him, Luka's been suffering from PTSD. On the rare occasion that she does stay over, he'll wake up in the middle of the night out of a nightmare about... well about his past and he'll leave. Maybe not physically but he won't be completely with me. I don't think I've ever woken up in his arms. He's always sitting up on the side of the bed watching me, or lying on the complete opposite side of the bed. Or not in the room at all."

Sam gulped down hard as she stared once again at the prone man lying on her bed, with his head tucked into the fluffy comforter. She thought back to the past three mornings when she had woken up from a peaceful slumber and found herself curled up in Luka's arms. The guilt inside grew.

"Wow..." She muttered and smiled sadly to Abby.

"I don't know where he goes at night. It's a place he's never let me into. Sometimes, I'll be awake and I can hear him talking to himself, muttering in his dreams but when I ask about them he brushes me off. And it's at times like those when I think that I don't know him at all."

Sam wanted to cry. Luka hadn't told Abby about his family - or what he had told her had been vague and empty, not the same heart wrenching tale that he had told her of the day that they had all died and when a part of him died with them.

"I hate to wake him when he's sleeping so calmly," Abby muttered and Sam turned to her.

She looked back at him and weighed her choices.

"He can stay here tonight, that way you know where he is," she murmured and saw Abby turn to her with glassy eyes.

Abby reached her hand out and touched Sam's shoulder gently and smiled.

"Thanks, Sam," she whispered and pushed herself away from the door. They were almost in the lounge when Abby turned to her again. "Since he's in your bed, where will you sleep?"

Sam laughed slightly and shook her head.

"I said he could stay here tonight, I didn't say he could sleep in my bed. I'll drag him by the foot into here and prop his sorry ass on the sofa!"

She could lie convincingly, too.

Abby laughed and nodded as she picked up her coat from the back of one of the sofas. Jing-Mei and Neela were already waiting to go and Susan was semi-conscious and asking for the IV bag. Sam smiled. Outside, they heard the tooting of a car horn and Sam moved to the window to check that it was the taxi.

"I'll help you down with Susan," she said as she moved towards the door but Abby shook her head.

"It's fine, we've got her. You gotta save your energy for shifting that six foot four trunk of wood in there," she laughed and nodded in the direction of the bedroom and tucked Susan's arm across her shoulder.

"I'll see you all on Monday," Sam said as they left her apartment and she closed the door and locked it.

She leaned against it for a second before moving away and into the lounge. She picked up the empty bottles and took them into the kitchen and deposited them in the garbage can. Deciding she was too tired - and a bit too drunk - to try and tidy up any more, she went about putting the lights out and then made her way to her bedroom.

Luka hadn't moved. He was still lying across her bed the wrong way, his shoe clad feet dangling off the side. He must have literally dropped onto the bed.

She moved to him and slipped his shoes off his feet and attempted to lift his legs but to no avail. Never before had she ever thought of his height as an inconvenience - until now.

She went to her drawer and pulled out a set of new pajamas - a tank top that said "Sparkies, open twenty four hours" and a pair of shorts to match - and made her way into the bathroom to cleanse her skin and throw on her nightwear.

When she exited ten minutes later, Luka had pulled his body onto the bed and was at least lying on it the right way - if not under the covers. Sam smiled and moved to the dresser at the foot of the bed and sat on it. She had put out all of the lights, the only stream of light was the moons reflection of the sun that slid across Luka's back. She pulled her knees up to her chest and watched as his handsome face twitched slightly and then his fingers as they reached up and rubbed at the end of his nose.

She couldn't believe the person Abby described was the same person that was lying before her now, so peaceful, so beautiful, so calm.

She sat like that for what felt like an eternity just watching him. Eventually, she uncurled herself and slid off the dresser. Moving slowly, she knelt on the edge of her bed and crawled up Luka's back until she was lying with every inch of her front resting against his back, her legs on his, her head in the middle of his shoulder blades, her arms stretched to the side and her fingers curled around his wrists.

She was falling in love with him.

_Here where the world starts spinning round  
__take a ride and you'll feel what you've never found  
Here when the stars start fading out  
you hear the angels laughing without a sound _

Welcome to the beautiful... the beautiful


	24. Chapter 23

Luka sat up and grabbed the phone from its resting place on his bedside table. He felt Sam slide in behind him to the warmth that he had left on the bed and smiled at her tired groan.

"Hello," he almost barked down the phone when he eventually answered it.

"Luka, it's me. Where are you?" Abby asked, her voice filled with worry.

Luka frowned slightly as though she were there in the room with him and silently hoped that Sam wouldn't make any more noise. He turned his body slightly so he could see her head tucked against the very bottom of his spine, her arms thrown across his low(_low_)er abdomen. He could feel her breath on his back and he tried to stop from grinning.

"I'm in bed, why, where are you?" He asked as he slid forward, attempting to escape Sam's comforting grasp as he felt the now familiar rush of guilt pass through him.

"Outside your apartment door."

_Shit._

"We're having lunch with Carter and Susan and Chuck, remember?"

Luka swivelled around and glared at his alarm clock for not ringing and he jumped off of the bed and to the other side of the room when he heard Sam began to awaken.

"That was today?" He asked stupidly and he heard her sigh in exasperation.

"What's been wrong with you lately, Luka? You forget everything, you're late to work, you always look really tired..." She paused then growled slightly. "For God sake, are you going to let me in or not?"

Luka nodded and told her he would be there in a second and then dropped his phone on the chair that sat in the corner of his room. He moved back to the bed and shook Sam's shoulder gently to wake her up.

"Sam, wake up." She groaned and he smiled slightly. "Sam, Abby's outside, she wants to come in."

She sat straight up and whacked her head off of Luka's cheek and they both yelped at the contact.

"Shit, Luka, what are we going to do?" She asked as she frantically looked around for something to pull over her naked body.

He reached down to the floor and picked up his shirt that had been discarded there the previous night and tossed it at her face.

"Just... stay in here. Hide under the covers or something," he laughed and stood up, pulling the trousers from the same pile as the shirt.

He didn't wait to see Sam's reaction and left the room and closed the door behind him with a click as the blood pounded around his veins. This was _not _good.

Sam had stayed with him every night since Steve had left, two and a half weeks ago: even when they were on different shifts, they would meet at his place and for the two nights that he had been on night shift, Sam had slept alone in his apartment. Or she had been alone in his apartment - she had made a very loud complaint about the fact that she hadn't slept at all while he wasn't there because she could smell him on the covers. He liked the way that she peered up at him with sleep glazed eyes when he woke up in the morning, and the way that she would draw circles on his chest to lull him into sleep.

He opened his front door and pushed thoughts of Sam to the back of his mind - or as far to the back of his mind as they would go.

"Abby, I'm sorry, come in, come in. Give me ten minutes and we'll be on our way."

Abby stepped past him but shook her head.

"I've called them and told them we're going to be late. We have to talk Luka - I'm worried about you."

Luka sighed and dropped onto the sofa, surreptitiously looking around for signs of Sam in his apartment. He heard Abby bustle about beside him on the sofa and eventually he out his hand on her knee, urging her to stop.

She looked at him with an apologetic smile and sighed.

"I never see you anymore, Luka." He dropped his head to his chest and watched her from the corner of his eye. "And whenever I do, you look tired. And you're forgetting things - things that you would never forget."

"Like what?" He asked, just for something to say, as he rolled his head on his neck and looked in the direction of his bedroom door. He wondered if Sam could hear them.

"Like lunch today, the fact that John was supposed to come over the other night, that it's your birthday in less than a week-"

"I didn't forget that, I just... don't want to think about it," he laughed slightly at looked to Abby who was frowning at him.

"We're celebrating your birthday Luka, whether you want to or not."

He laughed again and shook his head.

"I'm fine, Abby. I just haven't been getting much sleep lately."

And he wasn't lying.

Abby was silent for a second, her eyes flitting between him and her hands and then the clock on the wall then his eyes again.

"Why not?" She asked eventually and Luka looked into her eyes until she looked away from his scrutinising gaze.

"Look at me Abby," he urged her with a finger under her chin and he drew her face to his. "I'm fine, I'm fine."

Again, he wasn't lying. He was more than fine. In a secretive, deceitful kind of way.

He kissed her lingeringly and when he felt the kiss become deeper he pulled back and rubbed her cheek gently, like he used to.

"I better get dressed. Make coffee, I'm going to need a kick to get me started. I'll be out when I've showered," he told her as he stood up, hoping she didn't catch the nervous twitch in his voice.

As he walked past the long table in the hallway he picked up Sam's keys and clasped them in his hand as he walked back towards his bedroom.

Sam turned from her watch over the dozing city when she heard him re-enter the bedroom. He didn't look at her until he had the door firmly closed. They didn't move towards each other, just stared at one another with an anguished stare and Sam was the first to look away.

"I feel horrible," she whispered and saw him move around the bed towards her.

"Abby and I are going out to lunch. Here's your keys. And..." he reached into the pocket of his trousers and pulled something out. "Here's one for this place." He pressed the cold metal key into her palm and Sam looked at him with her mouth hanging open slightly, her eyes wide and questioning.

"Luka..." She said and he shook his head, lowering his eyes to her hand and closed her fingers around it.

"I want you to have it."

Sam nodded and moved past him and slid back into the bed and pulled the covers over her head and heard Luka laugh lightly in the back of his throat. She felt the bed dip as he sat on it next to her. She felt his hand through the thick comforter on her head.

"Sam?"

She didn't say anything and then felt him gently pull back the cover and kiss her forehead before returning it to where it had rested.

He didn't say anything else and Sam stayed where she was as she heard him go about getting dressed.

She felt horrible. The whole situation was ridiculous. She was hiding under his covers, for crying out loud, while her best friend - his girl friend - was in the other room and could walk in at any moment.

Five minutes later, Sam felt his hand on her head again and she smiled to herself, then was left alone in his room and two minutes later, alone in his apartment as she heard the front door click shut.

She felt _horrible._

_But in this light  
In this atmosphere  
I'm starting to believe  
The other side of me but who's to know  
Honey... surely one of us is crazy _

"Hey, Sam, delivery came in for you about five minutes ago," Jerry called as Sam rushed past admit.

She turned to him with a question on her face and saw him shrug.

"It's back there," he thumbed and Sam nodded.

When she got "back there", she saw Neela and Ray standing around a large tray. When she reached their side, she looked down and saw that the crate was filled with tubs and tubs of ice cream. She smiled to herself and reached between Neela and Ray - who she noticed were becoming quite close - and picked up the note that was sitting on top.

_Hey babe, sorry I've been gone so long. Will be back this weekend. Enjoy this ice-cream with your girlfriends. _

Love Steve.

"Can I have some?" Ray asked as he watched Sam reach out and pick up a tub of _Ben and Jerry's Cookie Dough Ice Cream _.

Sam nodded quickly, still embarrassed by Susan and Abby's little stunt and plopped onto one of the swivel seats. Neela sat next to her and moaned in pleasure when she put the first scoop of Karamel Sutra into her mouth. Several other members of the ER staff came up and picked up a tub, asking for Sam's permission.

Sam had only nodded in answer to all of their questions as her mind wandered over the events of that morning and what the letter from Steve meant: only two more nights of living with Luka.

_Woah-ho-ho-ho_, her brain supplied and she shook her head fiercely at that thought. _Living with Luka? _

Oh, she really was losing it.

Reaching up to her necklace, she fiddled with the pendant and the key that Luka had given her earlier that morning. She couldn't help but feel smug about that fact. He had _given_ her a _key_ to his _apartment_. She also felt ripped apart inside by guilt. Abby had been with him for much, much longer than she had and she had only stayed with him on a few occasions.

Sam wondered why she deserved any special treatment from him.

"I still can't believe how beautiful that is, Sam," Chuney spoke around her spoon as she pointed to Sam's fingers and Sam laughed slightly, dropping the pendant. "Who did give it to you by the way, if it wasn't Steve."

Sam looked around her. Oh crap.

"Uh... a friend, from out of town." It wasn't a total lie. "Sent it through the post from Illinois, said it reminded her of a design I used to draw when we went to school." Okay, so _that_ was a lie.

Chuney nodded, seemingly buying the lie and Sam sighed thankfully.

"Who sent you all this anyway?" Jerry asked with a mouthful of ice cream and Sam grimaced at him. "Sorry," he said after he swallowed.

"Steve did. It's like... I was working in an ice-cream parlour when we first met. Steve and his buddies would come in after work - he was working construction then," she smiled at the memory. "He was all tanned, sweaty, his little cowboy boots..." she giggled slightly at the memory and Neela laughed at her.

"How old was he?" Ray asked around his spoon and Chuney laughed as a slobber dripped down his rock-top.

Sam frowned and shook her head.

"Twenty-three." Neela raised her eyebrows at her.

"And you were fifteen?" She asked, shocked.

"Yep." The other four or five in the group looked at her with different versions of shock on their faces and Sam stared back at them. "Disgraceful, huh?" She paused as she took another spoonful of - now melting - ice cream. "He used to come to my school and pick me up in this old Mustang he was always fixing up. We'd go out driving or go play X-men in the arcade. One time we just parked somewhere and..." she looked down and laughed slightly. "Steamed up the windows."

Neela drew her head back in shock and blinked a few times.

"And your parents had nothing to say about this?"

Sam looked at her with a mocking look on her face and laughed again.

"They had plenty to say but I didn't listen." She smiled wistfully.

"So, what happened?"

Sam didn't say anything and dropped her head as she thought about her son, Alex. She sighed and could feel the silence becoming uncomfortable.

"Doesn't anyone have any work to do around here?" Romano barked as he walked in for the start of his shift.

The group who were gathered eating ice-cream dropped their tubs in the bin and began picking up charts and filing out of admit, one behind the other. Sam stopped when she felt a hand on her arm and turned around and saw Neela looking at her.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry earlier, I was just... it's a very compelling story," she said quietly and Sam nodded.

"It's fine," she said with a smile and patted Neela's hand. "Wasn't that bad, I'm still with him ten years later."

Neela nodded and moved away. Sam groaned when she realised that that was how long she had been with Steve. Ten years of the straight line and then when a tall, dark and very handsome man comes along with an accent that could melt the iceberg that sunk the Titanic she is thrown so far off the tracks that she can't even hear the trains trundle past anymore.

Then she frowned at her minds' mention of a train and gulped down the instant gagging sensation she was impeded with whenever she allowed herself to remember the disaster site from her first meeting with Luka Kovac.

_Well_, she laughed to herself, _if that isn't an omen_...

"Like I said, work to be done, Nursey."

Sam turned and glared at Romano before walking away and realising that she had absolutely no idea what the hell to get Luka for his birthday.

**TBC**


	25. Chapter 24

Luka frowned as he walked into his empty apartment. Sam had finished her shift three hours before he had and had told him she would see him later. And yet she wasn't there. He dropped his keys onto the table at the foot of his entrance stairway and shuffled out of his jacket and tossed it over the back of one of the dining room chairs.

He was quite gutted. This was the last night Sam would be able to stay with him because Steve was coming back from Illinois the next day and Sam wouldn't be able to stay in his house anymore. And she wasn't there. He felt a hollow feeling in his bones as he looked around his dark, empty house and he realised that he had grown accustomed to Sam's stay in his house.

He knew she was upset about Abby showing up at the apartment two days before and then with the trial she had attended for Layla, the pregnant teenager. He was so proud of her for the fact that she had stuck to her word and supported the young woman through the opening trial. She had come home to him and broke down in tears and told him, again, about Alex and the too few months she had with him. He had told her about his life with Jasna and Marko and of how he had come to meet Danijela and she had taken it all in with a watery smile and knowing eyes.

He knew he was in love with her but yet he kept falling further and further, becoming more captivated by her movements than ever before. He had been surprised at her submissive nature in the bedroom - especially considering her independant nature - but he had enjoyed it. _Boy_ did he enjoy it.

He thought briefly of waiting up for her but knew that, if she did come, she had a key to get in. He smiled at that. It had seemed so natural to simply hand over the key to her and yet strange - he had only known her for seventy two days and had been seeing her for thirty eight of those days (not including the three week "break" between their first encounter and their second). When he thought about it like that he realised that he couldn't possibly really know her at all - although he felt as though he had known her for as long as he had been alive. 

_I feel like you know me  
I know well I know I know you do  
I've got this thing going on, inside my head  
I've got this thing for you_

He made his way to his bedroom, slowly unbuttoning the black shirt that he had found in his wardrobe the day before (a gift from Sam for ruining his favourite black shirt in one of their more passionate trysts.) He kicked his shoes off as he went and carefully pulled the belt from around his hips (the hinges still stiff, as this was another gift he had received from Sam "Just because".) He had woken up that morning to an empty bed but when he turned and brushed Sam's side of the bed; he found the picture of the two of them from the Christmas party sitting haphazardly on her pillow. And when he went into the kitchen, he found another wrapped gift with "Don't open till I'm there" written on the label. Like a child, he shook it gently, listening intently for any sounds that could indicate what it was but received none.

He smiled gently to himself. He knew what all of this was in aid of - his birthday was tomorrow. Another reason why he was gutted. He shook his head as he unzipped his trousers and pulled them off his legs. He tossed them and they landed on the chair at the foot of the bed and he saw a pile of Sam's t-shirts, jeans, scrubs, shoes and other delicacies wobble slightly. He smiled at the sight.

_I like your face, I like your body,  
I like your feet, I like your nose,   
I like your chest beneath the covers  
I like your heart, I like your soul_

Deciding he simply couldn't be bothered pulling on any form of sleepwear, he fell into his bed and wrapped the comforter around himself and tried to imagine Sam's form wrapped around his side.

_I like your life inside me pounding, like a heart inside a dream  
Inside a dreamer that's been dreaming of a perfect symphony._

She watched him as he slept, his arm draped across her pillow, his head tucked into it. She knew that if she stared at him long enough and hard enough that he would rouse from his slumber.

She kept watching him.

_I like the way you walk beside me, like a paper in the wind  
The way you swing your arms so gladly  
Where you end and I begin, I like everything  
About you, baby I do._

Luka's subconscious kept nagging at him to wake up because someone was watching him. Groaning slightly he rolled onto his back and sat up slowly. He rubbed his eyes with the pads of his fingers and tried to take in his surroundings. The room was in darkness, the curtains drawn, effectively obscuring any light that may have filtered through. He couldn't see her but he knew she was there. His eyes were drawn automatically to the large wooden chair at the foot of the bed and he saw the outline of her form, her hair waving gently around her shoulders, her legs crossed neatly over one another, her eyes trailing over his body. He felt his breath catch in his throat at the possession her presence held.

"Sam-" he began but she cut him off.

"Ssshh..."

He quieted and stilled, his eyes on her silhouette as he felt her eyes rake in his body. He was acutely aware of the level of light rising in the room from the wall lights and he realised that she must have found the remote control to control the dimmer switch for his lights.

Her silhouette emerged into her body, but the room was left in relative darkness. He could see that she had on a dress of some sort, and could make out the three inch heels at the base of her feet. After a few minutes of silence, in which Luka's confusion grew, he saw her swing her legs so they were no longer folded and saw her frame uncurl from the chair. In her hand he saw a box - the box he had found in the kitchen. He watched, hypnotised, as she moved slowly towards him, her hips swaying gently and he realised that she was wearing the outfit she had worn to the Christmas dance. He remembered telling her - not even a week ago - how much he liked it, and how much more he would like to see it lying on his bedroom floor.

When eventually she reached his bedside, she held out the box and he took it from her hand, his eyes never leaving her body. That dress sure did accentuate her every curve.

"Open it," she commanded and he did so.

He pulled the ribbon from it and then gently peeled back the sticky tape that was holding the edges down. He tried to ignore the eroticism of this whole encounter but her heaving chest directly in his eye line was just a tad distracting and he found his eyes wandering over her on more than occasion.

When the paper was completely off, he opened the lid of the box and pulled out a length of black satin. His respiratory system broke down as he realised what it was and what it meant and he looked up directly into Sam's dark eyes that were boring into his, her lips full, her face expressionless.

"Oh... _God_..." He muttered at the passion he saw in her eyes and he reached out to touch her but she pulled away from him.

She shook her head and motioned for him to lie back. He did so and saw her step out of his vision. He sat up slightly and saw her standing off to the side at the foot of the bed, her hands hidden behind her back. He heard the soft sound of a zipper coming undone and his autonomic systems kicked in and he gulped in a breath of air as he saw her slowly, tantalisingly peel the dress from her body. He groaned but she quickly stopped and put her finger to her lips, motioning for him to be quiet. He bit down hard on his lip as he stared at her. He could feel himself pulsating and he shook his head at the effect this woman had on him.

Eventually she stepped out of the dress and Luka tried not to squeal at the sight of her in only her underwear - rather fetching underwear, his mind noted - and three inch black heels. He watched as she stepped over the silk material and made her way back to the bed. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. He was only vaguely aware of her leg reaching across his lap until he felt her kneel across his upper thighs, her knees trapping his hips between them. He felt her hand on his, briefly, as she pulled the satin from his grip, the soft cool fabric sending shivers down his spine.

He could feel her breath on his forehead and he placed his hands on her hips but she yanked them away, shaking her head. She had said only three words. He tried to contain the rumble in his chest as he felt her fingers in his hair as she placed the satin across his eyes and blinded him to her actions. He felt her breath on his ear, sending waves of arousal deep into him. Then her hand was on his shoulder gently pushing him back onto the mattress.

He was enjoying this show of dominance from Sam.

He felt the weight on the bed shift as she left it and he sighed slightly, trying to regulate his breathing.

He felt her weight across his hips and he felt her hands next to his head. He jerked back slightly when he felt something soft and ticklish on his chest and he groaned when he felt Sam's tongue touch his lips. Quickly her tongue was replaced with a finger as she hushed him. He felt the feather light touch travel across his chest, tracing around each nipple and then delicately migrate south, across one side of his rib cage, along his waistline and then up the other side of his rib cage. He inhaled sharply as the evanescent whisper touched a particularly sensitive spot and he could imagine the seductive smile that was gracing Sam's features. The feathery touch continued down the middle of his navel and swirled around in his button and then down across his hipbone again, down his thigh, over his knee, then his ankle then he laughed and twitched his foot when he felt it on his sole. She repeated the motion on his other leg and by the time she reached his boxer clad waistline he was panting heavily and trying _exceedingly_ hard not to make any sound. He felt her touch on his lips again and then he felt her nowhere.

A few minutes passed and Luka was torn between wanting the touch again, wanting to feel her and wanting time to allow his mind to calm.

He hissed when he felt an ice cold drip on his navel and he let out a haggard sigh as he tilted his back. He felt the ice cold drop travel across his waist and drip onto his back and then onto his bed. She really was trying to kill him. He squeaked through his teeth when he felt the ice-cube cover his right nipple and he crushed the sheets beside him into a tight ball in his fists as his hips automatically surged upwards. The ice cube trekked east-wards across his chest and onto his other nipple and he barely subdued a moan when he felt Sam's tongue on his chilled and erect nipple. She bit down gently on it and he could feel her smile against his skin.

He was _painfully_ aroused.

His hand gripped into the back of her head and he was surprised when she violently pulled back from him and slammed his hand back to the bed. He couldn't contain his grin but he felt her weight shift off him again he cursed his wandering hands.

- -

Sam sat on the chair at the foot of the bed and watched Luka's chest rise up and down quickly as his breath came in short, low rasps, his eyes blind to her silent observation of him. He was entirely vulnerable, with no idea where she was, what she was doing. Five minutes had passed since she had last touched him and she was enjoying dragging out his torture. She was finding it increasingly difficult to stick to her plan as she felt his body reacting to her actions but she was persistent.

This was a birthday present he was _not_ going to forget.

- -

Her hands on his hips surprised him and he lifted them off the bed at her silent command and felt her pull his boxers down across his body, and he had to bite down onto the flesh between his thumb and forefinger to stop from crying out when he felt her gentle breath wash over his arousal.

"Turn over," she commanded as he felt her weight shift as she stood above him on the bed.

What he wouldn't give to see her at that moment, towering above him. He realised that he didn't even know if she was still in her underwear or if she had removed that. He shuffled around and tried to make himself as comfortable as possible with his rather protruding arousal pressing into the bed.

He felt her sit across the base of his back and he grinned, realised that she still had her panties on at least. And her heels. Her hands on his shoulders were strong and possessive as she massaged them, kneading the taught muscles there and then working her way across his back. Occasionally, he felt her hair brush his skin, or her lips gently pressing against the slight scars on his neck. After what must have been forty minutes of gentle massaging, Luka was almost asleep. 

Until he felt her lips on his spine at the very, very base of his spine, her tongue sworling its way back up the centre of his central nervous system. He muffled his groan in the pillow and bit down on it slightly as she nipped at the skin on his shoulder blades. He felt her hands trace his sides and then slide around to his front, her fingers making the briefest of contacts on his centre.

He couldn't take much more of this.

"Turn around," she whispered into his ear and he complied, happy when she didn't move away from him and he felt her body pressed against his as he turned.

He knew she was having the same difficulty that he was.

She leaned down and darted her tongue across his collar bone and up his neck to his Adam's apple and Luka arched his neck to allow her better access. He actually wanted her to brandish him as her own, to let her teeth sink into his neck slightly. But she didn't.

Instead, she pulled back and off of him and let out a deep groan at the loss of her heat on his body. A few seconds passed and he heard an almost silent "thunk" as something hit the floor and he grinned, knowing that it was her bra. He felt the bed dip form the bottom and felt her fingers dance across his calves, play across his knees and circle up his thighs until she came to his core.

He felt her fingers touch him and he jerked at her touch and he heard her laugh slightly. But she didn't touch him further. She instead traced her fingers up either side of his torso, under his armpits, across his collar bone and meet under his chin. She tilted his head back slightly and breathed out onto his lips. Automatically, they parted slightly and he could almost feel her grin. Her thumb pulled his jaw down slightly, prising his mouth open and he felt her tongue slip between his lips, past his teeth and coax his tongue into a feud.

It was a frenzied kiss, in which passion controlled and sense was pushed away to the side. He kept his hands prone at his side - and boy was that a hard task - as she battled his tongue for dominance. He let her have it, willingly. Her tongue brushed over the roof of his mouth and he whimpered into her mouth at the sensation and he felt his head press harder into the mattress.

Then he realised that she hadn't kissed him all night.

He moaned into her mouth as she slid onto him, her warmth welcoming him in. Then she stilled all of her movements and Luka let out a strangled sound.

"Sam... Please..." Even he couldn't understand what came out of his mouth but she seemed to understand as she kissed him, hard and fast, her tongue's caresses matching exactly with the thrusts of both of their hips.

It didn't take much to send them both over and he climaxed, releasing the tension that had been building within him over the past hour and a half. He tore his mouth away from hers and called out her name as she did the same with his. He still couldn't see her. He felt her muscles contract around him and he used his hands to help her reach the peak of her climax. Mere seconds later she was there, with him, calling to him, to God and to anyone who could hear.

Minutes later, as she lay collapsed across his chest, he ran his fingers up and down her back, feeling both of their bodies still shuddering gently, her breathing still, like his, erratic.

He had never experienced _anything_ like that.

He knew that if he were to attempt to stand, he would fail: his legs were so weak, his whole body so weak, his muscles completely relaxed.

He felt her gentle hands on his face, pushing the blindfold away from his eyes. Instantly, he reached up and pulled her head down to his for what could only be labelled as a heart wrenching kiss. Minutes later, she pulled back and stroked his forehead, pushing away sweaty hairs and flattening his eyebrows.

Her eyes searched his for something and, seemingly finding it, she leaned down close to his ear and whispered:

"I love you. I'm in love with you."

_love was always there  
knowing someday I would share  
in a life-long love affair with you  
in a life-long love affair with you _

**TBC**


	26. Chapter 25

Luka groaned as he rolled over onto his back and was about to reach out and hit off his alarm clock when it stopped of its own accord. Frowning, he sat up and saw Sam sitting on the edge of the bed, wearing one of his shirts, holding two cups of steaming coffee.

She looked just as tired as he felt.

He grinned as he remembered his birthday present as he reached out to take the coffee from her grasp.

"Morning," he said, his voice croaking slightly.

He saw her smile and motion him to move over so she could crawl back in beside him.

After she had whispered those words into his ear, he had flipped their positions and revelled in his own exploration of her body - an adventure that had lasted for the best part of two hours - to show her how much he loved her. He couldn't believe how well he had managed to hold himself back from her begging, pleading and threats for him to take her, but he had and was glad as it meant that when they did join in a timeless melody, her highly sensitised body was more than ready.

He placed his coffee cup on the table at the side of the bed and shuffled so he was lying on his side, watching her. He could tell that there was something on her mind, her brow was furrowed and her top lip had been curled around the rim of her cup for over a minute. He reached his hand out and traced her hand bones with his index finger.

"Are you okay?" He asked gently as he shuffled closer to her.

She turned to him and smiled lazily, her eyes travelling over his body with a look that he would never tire of. She nodded and turned to place her own cup on her bedside cabinet.

She shuffled down so she was facing him and reached her hand - that was covered in his shirt because it was far too long for her arms - out and placed it on his hip as her thigh slid between the two of his. He tucked his head into his chest slightly and looked up at her through his eyelashes.

"Are you sure?" He asked again as his fingers traced over her thigh underneath the shirt.

"Muscles that I didn't even know I had are aching," they both smiled at the memory of how she had come to know of those muscles, "but I'm fine." She allowed her hand to travel up his side and comb through his hair. "What about you?"

"I ache... but I'm fine," he grinned at her. "Way more than fine."

They were silent for a few minutes and Luka could see that Sam wanted to say something but was holding back. He combed his hand through her hair and played with her eyebrow with his thumb for a second before pulling her head to his.

"What's wrong, Sam?"

She was silent for a second and wouldn't look at him.

"Last night was the last night I'll be able to stay here... for a while at least."

And, suddenly, he remembered that Steve was coming back and his own spirits dampened. He couldn't imagine coming home and not to have her with him.

He pulled her by the hip closer to his body and felt her thigh slide further between his legs and he licked his lips against the sensation.

"Then we had better make the best of the time we have left."

He attempted to kiss her but she pulled back and slid out of the bed, leaving him there confused.

"We have work in less than an hour, Luka. We better get ready to leave."

He watched her move around his room for a second in confusion, as she gathered up clothes to wear to work. Eventually he rolled out of bed when he saw her move into the bathroom and he followed her. He saw her leaning over the faucet with her toothbrush in hand and he moved behind her, placing his arms around her waist and watching her reflection in the mirror.

"What's wrong?" he asked and felt her head shake against his chest and he sighed. "I know you, Sam, what's wrong?" She shook her head again and met his eyes in the mirror and smiled slightly. "Fine," he said as he moved away and turned the water in the shower on.

He stepped under the water and it was only when the first droplet hit his head that he remembered something he had forgotten.

He turned and, through the frosted glass, he could see her shape leaving through the door.

"Sam?" He called and saw her stop.

"Yeah?" She said as she turned her head back towards him.

He smiled even though he couldn't see her.

"I love you, too."

There was a momentary pause and then he heard the door click shut and saw her silhouette move towards him. She stepped into the shower and he laughed when he saw her, fully dressed, pull his body to hers.

"Uuh... haven't seen him!" Sam shouted to Abby from exam two as Abby asked of Luka's whereabouts.

"Dammit," she muttered and then moved towards Sam. "Is Steve coming tonight?" Abby asked Sam and Sam nodded.

"Yeah, I let a message on his cell phone telling him where we would be." Sam smiled as she finished hanging an IV drip and Abby nodded.

"Good. It's about time that we met him. Susan and Chuck are coming too," Abby told Sam with a smile.

"I thought Susan couldn't get the night off?" Sam asked with a frown on her face as she patted the young boys arm. "Someone will be in to see you soon."

"Apparently she sweet talked Kerry."

Sam scoffed as her and Abby made their way to admit.

"Someone managed to sweet talk Weaver?"

Abby simply shrugged as she and Sam picked up charts and went in two different directions.

John Carter watched from his place at the table as Sam, Neela and Ray Barnett entered the restaurant and made their way to the long table that had been set up for their dinner for Luka's birthday. The birthday boy was sitting diagonally across from John and John saw Luka's eyes travel up and down Sam's body, and John could feel his own doing the same.

She looked amazing. She wore a simple pair of dark blue jeans that cut off _just_ above her waist, revealing a large expanse of skin and defined hip bones before they disappeared under her top. Her top, he noticed, was a light pink and white corset and pulled her already tiny waist into an even tinier one. Her hair was pulled back and flipped up into a clasp, showing off her defined jaw, her cheek bones and a very beautiful chain pendant. He tried not to allow his eyes to linger too long on her cleavage (which was difficult, the closer she got) and he closed his eyes slightly.

When he opened his eyes again, he saw her standing beside him, leaning over the table and allowing Luka to kiss her cheek before turning to him. He stood quickly and copied Luka's gesture, placing a hand on her arm and pulling himself back to look at her.

"You look... great."

Surely his voice wasn't always that high?

He saw her smile wanly and look around.

"So, where am I sitting?" She asked of Abby who was watching John with an amused eyebrow raised.

Abby motioned to one of the two seats beside John and Sam sat down next to him, placing her gift bag on the floor and John averted his eyes when he realised that he could almost see straight down her top. He felt himself flush slightly at the look Abby was sending him.

He was vaguely aware of Susan and Chuck arriving at the table, followed by Kerry Weaver and Sandy Lopez. John did a double take and dramatically turned to Luka, raising an eyebrow and saw Luka shrug his shoulders amused.

Neela, who was sitting next to Luka, directly across from John and diagonally from Sam, reached her hand out and grabbed onto Sam's wrist, causing Sam to yelp slightly. John and Luka looked down quickly to Neela's hand and John heard her excitedly tell Sam to turn around.

"Why?" Sam asked, laughing at Neela's behaviour.

"Cause there is a _really_ hot guy checking you out," Neela told her and Sam raised her eyebrow and bit her lip to stop from laughing but turned around slightly and saw the 'really hot guy, while Susan and Abby squeaked when they too looked at him.

All the men at the table looked to one another and rolled their eyes to the ceiling, trying to ignore the fact that their women were checking out another guy.

"Yeah, well he should be, that's Steve," Sam told the group as she stood and John noticed that she was a couple of inches taller than normal and his eyes travelled to her feet and saw that she was wearing heels.

"_That's_ Steve?" Abby squeaked and Luka turned to her with an eyebrow raised. "Why the hell didn't you tell us he was so hot?"

"Uh, hello, excuse me, other half sitting here!" Luka exclaimed waving his hand in front of Abby's face with a mock disgusted look on his face.

Sam moved away from the table and went over to Steve. John watched as he wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her. He looked away. When she came back to the table, she was grinning from ear to ear but John noticed that she was avoiding Luka's eye. He tried not to reach too much into it.

"Guys this is Steve," Sam said as she motioned to the tall, sandy brown haired man standing at her side, with a protective arm around her waist. "Steve, this is, Kerry and her girlfriend Sandy, Luka and Abby, Neela and Ray, Susan and Chuck and John." As she said their names she pointed to them all and Steve either shook their hands or nodded in their direction.

He saw Neela, Abby and Susan staring at the handsome new comer and John and Luka caught each others attention and rolled their eyes. They were acting like teenagers. Ray put his hand on Neela's arm and Neela turned to him with an embarrassed smile.

"Are you ready to order?"

Hours and many drinks later, John Carter flopped back into his seat next to Luka and tried to regain his breath from his round of dancing with Sam and Neela. When eventually he did regain his breath, he continued to watch Sam (and Steve) and the others who were dancing on the dance floor in the restaurant turn bar turn dance hall. He felt Luka's eyes on him and he turned in his direction and smiled.

"You're attracted to her aren't you?" He heard Luka ask and he quickly looked away. "You do know that the man she is dancing with is her boyfriend of ten years?"

John nodded and turned back to Luka.

"Yep. Doesn't mean that I can't look at her though."

Luka raised his eyebrow at him and shook his head.

"I can see it in your eyes. It's not just an attraction is it?"

"You're one to talk," he retorted quickly.

"What?"

"I see the way you look at her, Luka."

"Come on, John, we've talked about this. There is nothing going on with Sam and I."

John turned to him then and stared at him hard.

"I didn't say that there was. I've never said that there was."

"No but you implied it." Luka stared him down and John eventually looked away. "Look, I'm your friend and I'm glad that you're getting yourself back together and taking an interest in the opposite sex again-"

"I never lost interest in the opposite sex." He laughed slightly. "I just had a difficult time after I came back from Africa, forgetting about Kem." (John came back early, around the time Luka did in the show. In this, Luka never went.)

"You were in love with her?"

John nodded then smiled.

"So much but she didn't want to come back, it crushed me. She obviously didn't feel the same way about me as I did about her." They were silent for a minute then he raised his eyes to the dance floor and saw Sam dancing with Abby and Susan while Steve was nowhere in sight. "I am attracted to her. But I can see that she is in love," he turned to Luka. "And I would never interfere with that."

He saw Luka's eyes drift away from his face and flitter to the three women laughing and gripping onto each other for support as their heeled feet became a hassle.

Luka saw Sam's eyes drift to him and she smiled gently at him before turning away and throwing her arms around Susan to help her off of the floor.

Eventually, they were back at the table and Sam flopped into her seat - that was now ridiculously close to John's - and fell against his side as she laughed. He automatically put his arm around her shoulder and laughed at her drunken state.

"I think it's time for Luka to open his gifts!" Abby cheered as she bobbed in her seat slightly. John found it amazing how someone could get drunk on Coke alone.

He saw Luka roll his eyes and felt Sam move out of his grip as Steve came back to the table.

"I feel like a ten year old," Luka complained as they all placed their wrapped/bagged boxes in front of him.

"Yes, well, add twenty three years onto that and you're about right," Weaver laughed from her position at the end of the table as she and Sandy placed a rather large box on the table.

Luka grinned sarcastically at her and reached for her gift. It was a new stethoscope with his name inscribed on it.

"Wow," he said genuinely pleased and surprised. "This is great. Thank you."

He made his way through the bags and when he got to the second last one, he looked to Sam with a smile on his lips.

"I didn't know what to get you," she smiled at him and John saw him bite his lip as he reached into the bag and pulled out a small envelope.

He watched as Luka slowly opened it. He laughed at the shocked expression on his face and he leaned over the table to see what the envelope held.

"You bought him tickets to the NBA finals?" He said shocked and glanced to Abby who had her eyebrows raised, like him.

Sam shrugged her shoulders and looked around the table, then her eyes settled on Luka.

"Like I said, I didn't know what to get you. I thought you and Abby could go, or you and John."

Luka nodded and placed the envelope in his shirt pocket.

"Your gift was great, Sam."

John looked to Sam in time to see her roll her eyes and blush slightly as she looked away and tuck herself closer to Steve.

John Carter looked away.

As the night drew to a close, they all meandered outside. John's car was waiting for him so he offered lifts to them all but they all politely declined.

Eventually, it was just Sam and Steve and Luka and Abby.

Sam and Abby were talking animatedly about one of the bouncers who, according to them, was quite 'spunky'. Luka tried to keep his eyes from ravishing Sam's body but it was a hard task. The silence between Luka and Steve was palpable and Luka kept looking at the man, who was freely watching Sam.

He sighed and rolled his shoulders, hugging himself against the cold air. Sam and Abby must be absolutely freezing as both were wearing dressy and minimalistic tops and neither had a jacket.

Luka was finding it increasingly difficult to keep his hands off of Sam as the night progressed and they both became drunker and drunker. He kept finding himself reaching out to touch her every time she looked at him - which was quite often. He had been absolutely stunned by Carter telling him that he was attracted to Sam and he hadn't known how to react. A possessiveness had instantly threaded its way into him and he had tried to crush it.

He was acutely aware of the insane jealousy he felt whenever Steve touched Sam and he could see the same jealousy reflecting in Sam's eyes sometimes when he was with Abby. He sighed.

This was _so_ much harder than it should have been.

"Taxi's here," Steve called out to Sam who managed to pry her way away from Abby.

As Steve put his arm around Sam's shoulders, another taxi pulled up and Luka and Abby moved towards it.

"See you tomorrow, bright and early, Sam," Luka jested as he put his arm around Abby's waist.

When they reached the door to their respective cars, Sam and Luka turned and stared back at the other.

This was the most difficult part of the night: he wasn't taking her home with him.

For the first time in three weeks, he wasn't going home to (or with) Sam.

He smiled and he saw the same sadness reflect in her smile that he knew would be in his and she disappeared into her cab.

He leaned his body against the door frame and then went in, sitting next to Abby and told the driver Abby's address.

**TBC**


	27. Chapter 26

**_One Month Later_**

_I'm Dying, Dying to wake up without you, without you in my head again  
I'm Dying, Dying to forget about you, that you ever lived  
I'm Dying, Dying to find a distraction, get you away from me  
I'm Dying, Dying to reach a conclusion, so that the world can see  
I'm Dying to live without you again _

Luka sat straight up in his bed, sweat gliding down his back, his forehead, his chest and soaking into the sheets beneath him. His breathing was erratic and penetrated the thick air around him.

He kept seeing their faces, calling to him, needing his help.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to the sky. "I'm sorry I couldn't save you, Danijela..."

He rolled out of bed and made his way to the shower trying to ignore the pile of Sam's clothes that were sitting in a pile on top of his dresser. Today was his family's anniversary. He could feel his heart, like a dead weight in his chest, pounding the blood around his veins.

For some reason, it was hitting him harder this year. He'd had the dreams every night for the past fortnight and he was shaken every time a young family or a child was brought into the ER. He could see Sam and Abby's growing worry for him but he couldn't speak to them. He felt guilty every time he spoke to Sam, not just because he was cheating on Abby with her but because he felt like he was cheating on his wife by being so in love with her.

He stepped under the jet spray and closed his eyes as he let the water soak his body, trailing down his face and over his chest.

He shouldn't be going in to work in this state.

He hadn't been with Sam for two weeks, hadn't really seen her except in work. They had been on opposite shifts for the past fortnight. They had managed a few passionate kisses, stolen away in elevators or at their cars as they passed by each other at the end or beginning of their shifts. But in the few hours that he did get to work with her, he could see that she knew he was hurting and he had tried to block her out.

He felt guilty for not talking to her about this. She spoke to him about her son and let him help her... but he simply couldn't return the favour.

When his body was thoroughly cleansed, he stepped out of the shower and dried himself, making his way to the bedroom to get dressed. He passed the pile of Sam's clothes on his dresser and he couldn't repress the smile that broke onto his face and he lifted them up and placed them in his cupboard on the shelf. They could stay there for the time being.

Sam walked through the doors of the ER and saw Luka standing at admit, in his green scrubs and she smiled slightly. She had missed him lately. She walked up to admit and propped her elbows on the desktop and let her chin rest in her hands. He turned to her and she was surprised to see how pale and tired he looked. His eyes were dark, way beyond what was a good look for him and his hair was standing up in all different directions. He copied her stance on the opposite side of the desk from him and he smiled tiredly at her.

"Morning," he muttered and moved his hand so that he touched her gently on the arm and smiled slightly, but Sam could see that it didn't touch his eyes.

"Morning," she smiled at him in the same manner he did to her. "You okay?"

She saw him look away from her and nod slightly while biting his lip.

"I'm fine, how are you?"

She leaned back off of the desk and began walking away, knowing that he would follow her, towards the lounge.

"I'm fine. I haven't been sleeping well lately. I keep waking up in the middle of the night, for absolutely no reason."

She felt him at her side and saw him shake his head.

"I've not been sleeping much lately either."

Sam could see that he was battling with something in his head and she pushed open the door to the empty lounge.

"Why not?" She asked as she pulled her scarf from around her neck and moved to her locker.

He shrugged from beside her and then shook his head. She saw him lean against the set of lockers lining the wall and she turned to him slightly, seeing him moving his mouth but not hearing the words escape.

"It's their anniversary today," he said eventually and clasped his hands together in front of him and Sam turned fully towards him after taking her jacket off. "Every year it's the same. I have..."

He trailed off when the door opened and Sam turned and saw Abby walk into the lounge, a cup of coffee clasped in her hands.

"Hey," Sam greeted her and glanced again at Luka who looked as though he was in great physical pain.

"I hate this double life," Abby complained as she put her cup on the counter and turned her back against the edge of it and looked at the two of them. "I've had four hours sleep up in the on call room and now I'm on my med student shift."

"You love it really," Luka laughed tiredly and moved towards Abby and touched her arm slightly.

Sam looked back into her locker and pulled out a bobble to hold her hair back. She had known that there was something on Luka's mind and now she knew why he had been on edge for the past fortnight. He looked really tired. She silently cursed Abby for walking in and interrupting him talking to her about what he was going through. She saw the struggle it took for him to say to her in the first place what today was and she wasn't sure that he would open up to her like that again.

"We better get out there, it's like a madhouse," Luka said as he walked to the door and Sam turned around and saw that he had closed off again.

She caught Abby's eye and saw Abby close her eyes and shake her head, indicating that she didn't know what was wrong with him.

Sam sighed and left the room.

_There's always one reason  
to feel not good enough  
and it's hard at the end of the day  
I need some distraction  
oh beautiful release_

"What have we got?" Luka asked as he snapped his gloves over his hands and moved towards the three rolling gurneys that were being pushed through the entrance bay to the ER.

"Mother and two kids. Mother suffering from severe smoke inhalation, severe burns to her body, crushed underneath about a tonne of rubble."

"What the hell happened?" Luka managed as he looked at the family and saw the father standing in the background, following the three gurneys into the trauma rooms.

"Building collapsed. The husband was out getting some shopping, mother stayed at home with the kids. Something about unsteady foundations."

Luka followed the gurney with the mother into trauma one and he saw Sam begin to attach her up to various machines. His eyes scanned across the woman's body and he could already tell that there was not much that he could do for her. He looked through the partition doors and saw Carter and Haleh and Neela working on one of the children - a boy of about two years who had already been intubated. Behind them he saw Pratt, Chen and Ray Barnett working on the other child - a girl of about seven years old. He felt his throat close up as his mind supplied him with fresh images of his own family, lying dead around him.

He turned and saw Sam watching him with a questioning look on her face but he simply looked away from her. He saw the husband standing outside the doors of the trauma room, looking at Luka, his eyes pleading for him to try and save his wife.

"She's flat-lining!" He heard Abby say and he snapped out of his reverie and rushed towards her.

"Sam, start compressions, Abby charge the paddles!" He said as he ran towards the doors and threw them open calling for Haleh to help him.

Forty minutes later, Luka could feel exhaustion overwhelm him as he continued to compress the women's chest. He could feel the eyes of Abby, Haleh and Sam on him but he couldn't give up. His arms shook and his legs felt as though they would give out soon. But he couldn't stop.

He'd been where the man outside the door was. He'd _been_ there. And he didn't want anyone to have to experience losing everyone they had ever loved within minutes. Carter had come in ten minutes before to tell him that neither of the children had survived.

He could feel tears prickle at his eyes but he blinked them away.

"Luka," he heard Sam's gentle voice say to him and he looked up at her. "It's time to stop."

But Luka shook his head and continued his compressions.

"Luka." He felt Sam's hand on his wrist but he pulled away from her.

"No one should have to experience this Sam!" He shouted at her as he pulled his whole body away from the bed and he could feel his throat close up and he swallowed hard to dislodge the lump there.

"For God sake, Luka-"

"No!" He shouted again as he moved towards the bed again but Sam grabbed his hands.

"She is not Danijela, Luka!"

He froze and snapped his head towards her.

From the corner of his eye he could see Abby freeze and look up.

Haleh looked to Abby. Abby looked to Haleh. Haleh and Abby looked slowly towards Sam and Luka who were standing on opposite sides of the bed, the dead mother laying between them on the gurney.

"You have no idea what this feels like, Sam," Luka said coldly and Sam pulled back from him and stared at him in disgust. "You have no idea what it's like to lose a family."

"I lost my son!" She shouted and Abby and Haleh frowned at one another in shock and turned back to the scene that was unfolding before them.

Abby tried to ignore the fact that Sam knew about Danijela.

Sam and Luka stared at each other from across the gurney and Abby could see the realisation wash over Luka's face and then guilt and regret began to seep into his eyes.

"Sam..." he began but Sam shook her head and walked out and Abby saw the tears shining in her eyes.

Abby watched as Luka closed his eyes and took a breath.

Abby tried to ignore the fact that Luka seemed to know that Sam had had a child while Abby didn't.

Eventually Luka opened his eyes and snapped his gloves off and brushed past Abby and Haleh without looking at either of them and stormed out of the trauma room.

"I didn't know Sam had a kid," Haleh said eventually when the air in the room lost none of its tension and Abby turned to her and shook her head, watching Luka's retreating form.

"Neither did I."

_I can't remember how it went  
You looked like everything I wanted  
And as you came along  
Slowly everything began to change _

Sam sat before the husband and the father of two and watched as his face was lost in his hands and his body overcome by violent convulsions.

"We tried everything we could," she whispered to him as she felt her own tears begin to threaten her eyes.

She hated doing this. _Damn_ Luka for buggering off like that. This was his job, she shouldn't be the one to do this.

"Doctor Carter will be in to tell you more information, if you want to know the specifics."

Sam saw the man nod his head and she stood to leave but the man's hand on her wrist stopped her and she looked down at his soaked face.

"Thank you."

Sam nodded and turned her head away from him as she pulled her lips between her teeth and screwed her eyes closed to stop tears from falling.

"I'm glad you told him to stop."

Sam looked back down at the man, who was now staring at the floor.

"Even if he had managed to bring her back... she would never have woken up, would she?"

Sam shook her head and cleared her throat.

"No," she muttered and swiped at the rebellious tear that streaked down her cheek. "Her brain had been deprived of oxygen for too long... she would never have woken up."

The man cried again and Sam blinked away the tears in her eyes. She could kill Luka right now for leaving like he did.

"Then thank you. I wouldn't have been able to survive with her living like that. It would tear me apart." He was lost in sobs again and Sam placed her hand over his that was still resting on her wrist. "Because then I would have been the one to tell them to switch it all off..."

Sam stayed for a few more seconds but then she excused herself and escaped into the corridor where she allowed a few tears to trek down her cheeks.

"Hey, are you okay?" She looked up when she heard John and saw that his eyes were red-rimmed.

"No, I just had to tell him that his wife and kids are dead." She sobbed slightly but then straightened up and wiped at her face and smiled at him.

He watched her for a second then looked down to his feet.

"I heard about what you said to Luka..."

Sam winced and looked away down the corridor and drew her lips together.

"I feel like such a bitch," she muttered through clenched teeth and she saw John nod.

"Yeah. But... I also heard what he said back to you. None of us knew you had a kid, Sam."

"He knew," Sam said quickly and looked back to John, her eyes holding fire.

They were silent for a second and then John put his hand on Sam's wrist and tugged her closer to him slightly.

"I'm not going to get mad at you for kicking Luka's ass but... he went through a hard time, dealing with what happened. He doesn't talk about it to anyone. He only told me about ten minutes ago what actually happened to them."

"He's still here?" Sam asked shocked and pulled back from John slightly.

He nodded and bit the inside of his lip.

"He told me... it doesn't matter what he told me but... he's - upset with you right now."

Sam laughed in the back of throat but it wasn't a pleasant sound.

"Right now, I feel like hitting him over the head with a fucking hammer," she muttered and sniffed.

John smiled slightly and then pulled Sam into a quick hug.

"If you ever need to talk about... you know, I'm always willing to listen. You're a good friend."

Sam smiled against John's shoulder and nodded slightly.

"Thank you," she muttered into his shoulder and pulled back from him with a smile on her lips. "You better get in there." She motioned behind her and saw John nod and move past her.

She walked up the corridor towards the lounge thankful that her shift was now officially over. As she passed admit she felt the eyes of many of the ER staff on her back and she heard Abby call out to her.

"Sam, wait up!"

Sam paused for a second until she saw Abby appear at her side and then began walking.

"If you've come to tell me how shitty I acted towards Luka don't bother, I already know," she said before Abby had a chance to speak.

"I was going to say congratulations for kicking his ass - he needs it sometimes."

Sam turned to her and raised her eyebrow.

"So... you don't think it was crap?"

Abby shook her head.

"I didn't say that," she laughed and pushed open the door to the lounge. "But... someone has needed to kick him up the ass like that for years. He needs to talk to someone, get help, but he won't. He doesn't talk to anyone about it."

Sam looked down from Abby's eyes and bit the inside of her lip.

There was silence while the both of them fiddled about inside their lockers.

"Why didn't you tell me that you had a son?" Abby asked finally and Sam looked away and winced.

She shrugged and looked at Abby - who was now wearing scrubs - and shook her head.

"It's not something that I like to talk about."

Abby nodded and popped a sweet in her mouth.

"That's understandable. I just... wish you'd told me."

Sam smiled and placed her hand on Abby's shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I just... don't like talking about it."

Abby rolled her eyes as they made their way back out of the lounge.

"You sound just like Luka."

Sam smiled and said her goodbyes before leaving the hospital and made her way up to parking lot towards her car.

_It don't make no difference  
escaping one last time  
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh  
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees_

Luka leaned against the hood of her car and saw her approach. As she drew closer, he could hear her sniffing and he closed his eyes against the sight of her tears.

He had been so angry with her when he had spoken to Carter but now he just wanted to talk to her, to apologise, to see her.

He looked up when he heard her keys rattle. She wasn't even going to acknowledge him.

He pushed himself off of the hood as she moved past him, her eyes cast downwards.

"Sam..." he said as he reached out to her but her hand evaded his grasp.

"Luka... don't. Not now."

"Sam, please," he pleaded with her, his hand finally finding hers.

"No, Luka. I just... don't think I can be alone with you just now."

He felt his heart stop at those words.

"Please..." he choked out and his eyes stared into hers." Come home with me. Please."

He saw her nod slightly and he sighed.

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase _

Luka allowed Sam to open the door to his apartment and he followed her inside. They had driven there in his truck in silence. He could see that Sam was fighting with herself in her head and he had wanted to reach out and take her hand but he knew that she was still mad at him for forgetting she had lost her child too.

Hell, _he_ was still mad at himself for saying that to her.

They sat on opposite sides of the sofa and he watched as she drew her knees up in front of her chest and hugged them.

They sat in silence for a long time and Luka let his eyes wander over his apartment. He spotted the pictures on one of the shelves next to the bookcase. His mother and father, him and Abby, him and Sam, John and him, the staff at the ER. There was none of his wife and children. They were all still in a box in the spare bedroom, hidden underneath piles of old clothes and linen.

He heard Sam sigh and he turned his eyes back to her.

"I'm sorry, Luka, about today. I just... I don't like to see you hurting like that." He could hear the tears in her voice and he felt his own tear ducts spill over.

They were silent for a while after that and Luka thought back to his photographs. He stood abruptly and saw Sam look at him. He motioned her to be still.

"I'll be back soon, there's something I need to do."

He watched her nod slowly and then left the lounge, making his way to the spare bedroom.

He slowly opened the door and looked at all the boxes still piled in there years after he had unpacked the rest of his things.

_I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears _

He pulled the tape off of one of the boxes and sat down next to it. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest and he couldn't control the tears in his eyes.

He slid his hand into the box and pulled out an album. He heard his own sob as he looked down at the white, leather bound album. It was his and Danijela's wedding album. He simply sat with his hand on top of it for a few minutes, allowing his own mental images slide across his memory. Her smiling widely as she walked down the aisle towards him looking more beautiful than anything he had ever seen. Her teary eyes as she muttered that she would forever be his, forever love him. He slowly opened the album and looked down at the first picture. It was just the two of them, looking at one another and laughing, her hand resting on his cheek.

_As memory seeps from my veins  
let me be empty  
and weightless and maybe  
I'll find some peace tonight_

He smiled at the memory and flipped through the rest of the photos quickly, none really comparing to the ones he held deep inside of his heart.

When he pulled out the next album his whole body froze - it was the baby book. The one that had all of the pictures of the children in it.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears _

He wept openly as he flipped through them, stopping occasionally to observe one or two and allow his own memory to take him back to the beautiful times they had.

Another hour passed and he made it to the end of the last album. He looked back to the ajar door and thought of Sam in the other room. He was surprised that she hadn't come looking for him. But a part of him told him that he knew that she wouldn't. She knew that he was doing something that he had needed to do for a long, long time.

He leaned his back against one of the heavier boxes and held a framed photograph of him, a pregnant Danijela and Jasna to his chest and tilted his head back.

_You used to captivate me  
By your resonating life  
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind_

"I was so in love with you that it almost killed me," he whispered to them, as though they were there in the room with him. "I am still so in love with you, with all of you. I think about you _every_ day. I miss you so much, _so_ much. I'm sorry that I couldn't save you, any of you." He paused as his throat closed. "When I saw you being lowered into the wet ground all those years ago back in Croatia, part of me went with you, and I'll never be able to get that part of me back." His voice croaked as he spoke and he sniffed every few seconds. "But I have to let you go. I know I promised to love you forever, and I will. But I'm in love with an amazing woman. I know, Dani, that you'll totally disapprove of the way I'm acting with her but I'm in love with her and... You'd like her, a lot. I know that I do," he laughed slightly but lowered his head. "I feel like I'm cheating on _you_ by being with her, not Abby. I love Abby, I really do, but... there's something about Sam that makes me think that she is the one that I could love for the rest of my life."

_I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me _

He picked up the albums and put them back into the box. Looking to the ceiling one more time he put his hand over his heart and whispered:

"I'll never forget you."

He made his way back into the lounge and saw Sam sitting on the couch, the same way she had been when he left. She had been crying. Her eyes turned to him and he smiled slightly at her.

Sitting close to her, he pulled her body into his and held her against his chest tight.

"I miss them. And it's so hard to forget about them," he muttered into her hair and stroked her back.

He could hear her sob into his chest.

"You can't forget about them, Luka... They're a part of you. You should never want to forget them and I would never ask you to. Or stop missing them. Or stop loving them. It's a part of you, Luka, and its part of the reason why I'm so in love with you."

He cried again and kept his arms wrapped around Sam's body, gripping her body tightly to his.

"I love you, Sam," he murmured into her hair, repeating it a few times in both Croatian and English.

He picked her up and carried her to their bedroom some time later, when he heard her breathing even out. Gently laying her down, he stood back and watched her as she automatically shuffled over to her side of the bed, her body curling at the stomach and one of her hands rising to rest under cheek.

He didn't even bother to take his clothes off as he slid under the covers beside her and spooned her back to his chest.

_You are pulled from the wreckage  
of your silent reverie  
you're in the arms of the angel  
may you find some comfort there_  
**  
TBC**

Songs used: Dying, Five for Fighting  
Angel, Sarah McLachlan  
My Immortal, Evanescence  
Vertical Horizon - Give You Back


	28. Chapter 27

Sam groaned as she rolled out of her bed at the sound of her doorbell ringing. She had only had three hours sleep. Her sleep fogged brain was telling her to lie back under the covers and pull the pillow over her head and go back to sleep but the insistent _tring!_ told her that that was not going to be possible.

Throwing a blanket around her shoulders, Sam's frown deepened with every step she took as she thumped through her apartment towards the door. She was more than willing to show whoever was at the door that she was most definitely _not_ a morning person.

Unlatching all the locks on the door, Sam yanked it open and propped her hip against the doorjamb but then quickly stood up straight when she saw who was standing on the other side.

"Mother?"

Sliding back into the apartment, Sam allowed her mother in and smiled happily when she threw her arms around her in a welcoming hug.

"Hello, Sam. How are you? You look really tired."

"Well considering I have had only three hours sleep, that's not surprising," Sam laughed as her mother ruffled her dank hair. "I've been on night shift."

Sam led her mother into the lounge and sat her on the sofa.

"You look great, mom, have you changed your hair?" Sam asked as she took in her mother's appearance.

Sam took in the appearance of her five foot two inch mother. She wore a pair of light blue jeans, a green roll neck sweater and a short tweed effect jacket. Her hair was hanging loosely around her face and rested lightly on her shoulders. 

Sam moved into the kitchen and began preparing two mugs of coffee.

"I just had it highlighted with a darker colour. Do you like it?"

Sam could imagine her mother twirling her finger around a curl self-consciously and smiled.

"Oh yeah!" She called. "How's dad?" She asked loudly over the sound of the kettle boiling.

"Oh you know... playing golf, picking up another new way to lose a few extra pounds... you know what he's like. He misses you."

Sam smiled warmly at the fond memories of her father.

There was a pause and Sam pursed her lips waiting for her mother to speak.

"So... how is Steve?"

Jocelyn Taggert was not a fan of Steven Curtis and she had made that fact very clear when Sam had come home and told her that she was pregnant by the twenty three year old. 

"He's fine," Sam replied and picked up the two mugs and balanced them in her hand as she made her way back to the lounge.

"And where is he?" Jocelyn asked as she looked around, expecting him to walk out of one of the rooms from his hiding place.

Sam frowned at the question as she realised that she didn't actually know.

"Uh... I don't know."

"Still running off in the middle of the night with strange women, is he?"

Sam barely refrained from telling her mother that it was she that was (not quite) running off in the middle of the night with another man.

"That only happened the once mother, and you know it," Sam admonished and stared her mother down.

Jocelyn looked away and sipped on her coffee.

"I know, I know." There was a silence, in which both of the women took in the others' appearance and smiled. "Oh, my goodness!" Jocelyn burst out and Sam looked up at her in surprise, her hand automatically going to her dank hair and her eyes following her hands journey trying to assess what her mother was gawking at.

"What?"

"That necklace is beautiful!" Sam instinctively drew her body away when she saw a finger approaching but stopped when she realised her mother was not going to harm her. "Did Steve buy this for you?" She muttered as she fingered the pendant, and subsequently the key that still hung there.

Sam flushed slightly, the way she always did when someone asked about where her beautiful chain had come from.

"Uh... it was a Christmas gift from a friend at the hospital."

Jocelyn looked up to Sam when she heard the slight waver in her daughter's voice and she raised her eyebrow in amusement.

"A male or female friend?" She asked, her hand still holding the chain and Sam could feel her cheeks redden slightly.

Her mother sure could see right through her.

"Uh, male. How about some brunch or something? We could go shopping?" Sam evaded effectively and her mother laughed, pulling back from her daughter.

"Sure. You go get cleaned up."

Sam eyed her mother sceptically, with a smile on her face and then stood and left the room.

Five minutes later, Jocelyn was observing the numerous photos on the wall and on the bookcase when the phone rang. She was about to leave it to ring when she heard Sam yell from the shower:

"Could you get that for me?"

Smiling at her daughter through the closed bathroom door, she moved to the telephone and picked it up.

"Hello, the Taggert/Curtis residence," she spoke politely down the receiver and heard the callers breath pause slightly.

"Uh... hello," she almost melted at that single word. "Is Sam there?"

It took her a while to regain her breath and when she did she fumbled over her words slightly.

"Uh... she's in the shower. Can I take a message?"

She heard the man laugh slightly down the phone and she tried in vain to place his accent. That was a voice, tone, timbre and accent she would never tire of hearing. She wondered what he looked like.

"Just tell her that Doctor Kovac called," the voice said and Jocelyn smiled at the way he pronounced his name.

Behind her, she heard the bathroom door open and she spoke into the receiver.

"Hold on one second, she just came out."

"Who is it?" Sam asked as she plodded down the hallway towards her mother, her hair dripping wet on her shoulders.

"Doctor Kovac," her mother quietly imitated Luka's voice and Sam smiled gently and took the receiver.

"Hey," Sam smiled and caught the look her mother was sending her and she amusedly shooed her away.

"Halo hej zdravo," Luka spoke down the phone to her and heard her groan slightly and he laughed.

"English at all times, please," Sam complained as she leaned against the wall next to her telephone.

"How are you, Sam?" He asked and Sam could hear the laughter in his voice.

"Dripping wet, how are you?" She smiled when she heard him release his own groan.

"Fully clothed images at all times, please," he complained, mimicking her tone from earlier and she smiled. "I'm fine. We're a bit quiet in here today and I... I don't know - I just wanted to talk to you."

Sam smiled and pressed her forehead into the wall as she listened to him breathe down the phone. 

"Sam?" She heard him inquire gently and she opened her eyes.

"Hm?"

He laughed.

"Just making sure you were still awake." She smiled slightly and let a laugh out on a breath. "I wasn't sure if I should call in case I woke you up," he said and Sam smiled again.

"And what would you have did if I had been asleep and you woke me up from my beauty sleep?"

She heard him laugh gently and she felt a shiver run down her back. She simply couldn't get enough of his voice.

"Speak to you in Croatian until you eventually woke up enough to speak to me." She felt herself laugh and shook her head at how easily she did that around him.

She looked down to the table where the phone rested and saw a note scribbled to her from Steve.  
_  
Out of town for a while. Your mother is coming to visit, so I took my leave. Said she'd be there about ten thirty in the morning. Tried to call you at work, but you were busy._

Love you, Steve.

"Sam?"

She turned her eyes back to the receiver as though she could see him through it and raised her eyebrow.

"What?"

He laughed again.

"I asked you who answered your phone," He repeated and Sam raised her head slightly in understanding.

"Oh, that was my mother. She's in town," she said and turned back to the lounge where she could see her mother looking at something in her hand. Frowning slightly, she looked away. "She dropped by this morning, so Steve took off."

"Steve's not in town?" Luka asked, his interest peaked but Sam could hear the slight admonishment in his tone.

"Yep."

"Since when?"

Sam laughed at him and she could hear him huffing on the other end.

"Since early this morning."

"For how long?"

"I don't know."

"Are you on tonight?"

"Nope."

"Well... good."

Sam laughed again and looked back into the lounge where her mother was now standing with a hand on her hip, staring at Sam with a raised eyebrow. Sam shrugged her shoulders in her direction and shook her head slightly.

"Listen, I better go, there's an MVC rolling up. I'll... call you later."

"Speak to you later," she muttered and tried to keep the regret from her tone.

"Oh and Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Volim te."

"Shut up, Luka."

He laughed and Sam hung up.

Turning back into the lounge, Sam stepped up to her mother who had not moved since Sam last looked at her.

"'Shut up, Luka'" her mother imitated her with an exaggerated flirtatious tone and Sam swatted her arm slightly. "What's going on Sam?"

Sam shook her head and smiled and looked away.

"Nothing."

"Oh please." Sam turned to her mother who was holding up the original picture of her and Luka from the Christmas party - the one with Sam and Luka Kovac scribbled across the back that she had stored away in a favourite book of hers. The one she had left at Luka's for his birthday was the result of her chasing down the med student who had taken it and paying him to make another copy. "I take it that this," Jocelyn pointed to the Croatian doctor, "is the man you were talking to on the phone?"

Sam stared at her mother for a few seconds before she nodded.

"Yes. Yes it is." There was really no point in lying; his name was scribbled across the back of the picture anyway.

They stared at each other and Sam could feel her mother's stare burning through her.

"Just be careful, Sam."

Sam frowned at her mother's words, shocked that she had not dressed her down.

"Mom, come on..."

"I take it he's the one who gave you that?" She asked and pointed to the chain on Sam's neck.

Sam reluctantly nodded and began walking out of the lounge.

"I'm going to get dressed and then we'll get something to eat."

Sam was halfway out the door when she heard her mother call out to her:

"For what it's worth - he is _hot_ and that accent..."

Sam laughed and pulled the towel from around her body not caring that she was now fully naked, it was only her mother, and tossed the sodden garment at her.

"Oh shut up!"

**TBC**


	29. Chapter 28

Sam sighed as she sifted through her cupboard in search of somewhere to hang her new purchases she had bought that day with her mother. Sam couldn't remember _ever_ having so many clothes. And she had a rather large (and growing) stack of clothes camped out in Luka's cupboard.

Sighing, she threw her three new pairs of jeans onto the bed along with her new jumpers, strappy tops and basic tees, resigning herself to the fact that they simply wouldn't fit. She looked to the bottom of her wardrobe and saw that she had piles and piles of shoes that she had yet to wear and decided she would choose her shoes and work her outfit around them for her dinner with Luka. 

_Speaking of Luka... _

She glanced to the clock on the bedside cabinet and cursed. She was waaay late. He would be there in thirty minutes.

Quickly shedding her clothes, she jumped into the shower after and soaked herself - the rain outside had caused her hair to turn to frizz. Using her coconut body wash, she cleansed herself and rubbed shampoo into her hair. She cursed when a sud of soap worked its way into her eye and she stood under the spray, holding her eyelid open with two eyes and attempted to rinse the nip away.

After a five minute battle with her conditioner - of which there was a distinct lack - Sam jumped out of the shower and hurriedly dried herself. She hopped over to her underwear drawer and pulled out fresh, lilac lace panties and a lacy bra to match and pulled them all on. She pulled out her new pair of low rise, dark blue Levi jeans (the ones that, apparently, twisted with your body), pulled the label off of them and just managed to get them buttoned before she heard the door bell sound.

She stumbled out of bedroom and rushed down to the door, her soaking hair sliding across her back, sending droplets of water down her spine. She pulled the door open, forgetting that she was dressed only in her jeans and bra, and saw Luka standing on the other side.

"You're early," she complained as she turned back into the apartment. 

She felt his hands on her waist and she turned around in his loose embrace.

"Do you always answer the door like that, or is this special treatment?" Sam could see his eyes take in her body and saw his tongue run over the scalloped edges of his teeth.

She felt his hand trace its way in small circles up her back and she shivered against his touch.

"Luka, we're going to be la-"

His lips on hers cut her off and she felt all of her prior occupations disappear as she felt the instant stirring within her that was only incurred by his touch. She melted against his touch and felt her body being pushed backwards into the wall.

"Lijep... zelim te..." he murmured against her lips and Sam felt the vibrations deep inside her stomach.

His hands were everywhere, in her hair, on her stomach, on her back, on her breasts... She moaned into his mouth and arched her neck when she felt his lips there, biting down firmly onto the skin that joined her neck and shoulder and she yelped slightly and moaned again when he began suckling over the same area.

She pushed her hands up his back and lifted her leg so he could catch the back of her knee. She felt his hand where she wanted it, and felt his weight press further into her as his free hand trailed down her side and then back up and covered her breast, massaging it gently.

She was in the process of removing his shirt when:

"Sam I was just... leaving!"

Sam pushed Luka's body away from her and turned her eyes to the door where her mother was stood, frozen, clearly _not_ leaving. Sam could feel Luka's eyes on her and she looked back to him as he innocently placed his hands in front of him. She tried not to grin at the complete look of mortification that was crossing his features.

"Mother... this is Luka Kovac, Luka this is my mother, Jocelyn Taggert," Sam said as though her mother had not just walked in on her and Luka seriously making out and smiled as she introduced them.

"Nice to meet you," Luka smiled tightly and held out one of his hands for Jocelyn to shake.

Jocelyn stood rooted to the spot, her eyes not leaving Sam's face. Sam tried hard not to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation and stepped forward, in between Luka and her mother.

"I hope you're not going to insult my intelligence and tell me that this isn't what I think it is," Jocelyn managed and Sam could feel Luka's haggard breath on her shoulder as he stepped closer to her, secretly asking for protection from the clearly seething mother of the woman who he had just been caught making out with.

There was silence and Sam allowed herself to step back slightly into Luka's warmth, secretly seeking reassurance from him. Feeling his gentle hand on her back, his thumb stroking up and down her spine, she finally shook her head in her mother's direction and moved to sit on the sofa.

"I think you should go and find something to wear, Samantha," Jocelyn said and Sam stopped abruptly, remembering her semi-naked state and at the fact that her mother had called her 'Samantha'. She looked quickly to Luka and saw the panicked look that crossed his features and then moved out of the room.

-

Luka sat awkwardly on the edge of the sofa and looked around him 'casually'. 

"You know that she is seeing someone?"

Luka looked quickly to Jocelyn and took her in. She was just an older version of Sam: the same curly hair, the same brown eyes, the same round face.

He nodded at her and cleared his throat.

"I know... so am I."

Jocelyn gawked at him and looked down trying to conceal her outright disgust at the disgraceful actions of her daughter and this man.

"And suddenly that makes everything that much better?"

Luka stared at the woman and understood instantly where Sam got her personality from. This woman _was_ just an older version of Sam.

"I never said that," he could tell that his accent was confusing her as he watched her brow furrow and then nod.

"So... whose idea was it to participate in this... affair?"

Luka winced. He hated to be reminded that he and Sam were having an affair and were not in an open relationship. Although sometimes it felt as though they were openly seeing each other.

Lately, it had become glaringly clear to Luka that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Sam. They had been seeing each other for only four months but she had imprinted herself so fully into his life that he wasn't sure that he would be able to survive if she ever left him.

"I think it was sort of... mutual," he muttered as he glanced around the floor at his feet.

"Sort of? What do you mean sort of? Who made the first move?" She asked, her voice rising in pitch and Luka pursed his lips and glanced around the room wondering where the _hell_ Sam was.

"Uh... that was most likely me," he said with forced nonchalance and smiled politely at Jocelyn who simply raised her eyebrow at him.

"I see."

"Anyone want a beer?" Sam asked as she came back into the room and Luka quickly took one of the proffered bottles, taking a long swig instantly as he felt Sam sit beside him on the sofa, now wearing a rather large, baggy t-shirt.

He had been quite enjoying himself, actually, before they had been rudely interrupted.

"I can't believe you, Sam. After the shit that you put Steve through for cheating on you and then you go and what? Return the favour?"

"Oh and now suddenly you're on Steve's side?"

"You know that I will never be on his side, Sam."

Luka sat quietly between the two bickering females and sipped on his beer.

"I just don't understand how you could do this."

"Neither do I, mom."

Luka turned his head and stared at Sam who was tactfully avoiding his gaze. Frowning, he propped his elbow on the arm of the sofa and placed his thumbnail at his mouth and watched Sam as she contorted her face.

"But... I'm in love with him."

Luka couldn't help it, he smiled.

There was a heavy silence in the room and Luka watched as Jocelyn's face twisted as she fought the condemning words that were on her tongue.

"So it's some sort of love affair?"

"Don't call it that," Sam muttered as she shook her head and tucked her chin into her chest.

"Why not, Sam? That's what it is. You are having an affair. No matter what way you look at it." Luka heard Sam sigh from deep within her and he fought the urge to reach out and touch her.

He seemed to be doing that a lot lately. And it was becoming difficult, almost to the point of impossible. He knew that Abby knew that he was attracted to Sam, and he knew that Abby was sometimes sceptical about their relationship but he simply couldn't get Sam out of his head. When he saw her at work, even if she was just passing past the room he was in or standing beside him as they discharged patients at admit, he found it to be the biggest test of his wills not to reach out and touch her. 

He didn't think he would be able to keep it in any longer. 

Carter already knew that he had very strong feelings towards the young nurse and he had tried to keep his composure whenever he was around her in public for the sake of Abby at least but he was slowly realising that that just wasn't possible. It was second nature for him to watch her, touch her, and want her.

He shook his head and looked away down to the floor at his side.

"I'm not ready to talk about this. I'm still in shock at walking in on you two. I'm going to go home, and I am going to try and forget about this until tomorrow." Jocelyn stood and waved Sam down when she stood up. "I know how to get out. And I just have to tell you, Sam, that I am so disappointed in you."

With that she was gone and Sam and Luka sat in silence. He could feel her body shake beside him and when he turned to her, he could see that she was caught between laughing and crying. He put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her to him.

"Well that wasn't exactly how I imagined our evening would have turned out," he muttered into her hair as he pressed a gentle kiss to her crown.

He felt her shake beneath his cheek and he smiled when he felt her hand blindly flail in his hair.

"She's right you know," Sam said after a long silence and Luka pulled away from her slightly as she turned her face to look at him.

"What about?" He asked with a frown on his face.

"Us. This is an affair. We keep trying to pretend to ourselves that it's not. But it is. For so long we've pretended that Steve and Abby don't exist but they do. We've pretended that was we're doing isn't wrong but it is."

Luka pulled away from her fully and looked at her, feeling his heart breaking as he looked down at her distressed features.

"What are you saying, Sam?"

He watched her, breathlessly, for a few seconds as he watched her lips move as no sound came out. He felt like he was losing her.

He saw her shake her head eventually and he let his hand drop from her shoulder.

"I'm just reminding you of what we really are."

"We don't have to be this, Sam."

He watched as Sam slowly looked at him with confusion in her eyes.

"What are you saying, Luka?"

He shook his head slightly and looked away from her.

_I can't keep pretending that I don't even know you  
And at sweet night, you are my own_

"I'm in love with you, Sam. And I... I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I want to wake up every morning and see your face lying beside me on the pillow."

Sam sat in stunned silence for a few minutes and then looked down, shaking her head.

"Luka... we... I..."

"I can't keep pretending that I'm not in love with you, Sam. It's killing me." He watched as she raised her head and he felt his heartbreak, for the second time in his life, and he looked away from her. "We're at a dead end Sam. We've gone as far as we can in this thing we call a relationship. We can't go back because that would kill both of us - well I know that it would kill me anyway. The only way we can go anywhere is if we move forward," he looked at her tear filled eyes and shook his head. "But I can see that you're not ready to do that, for some reason. And I have to stop this... because this will kill me, it's already killing us."

He could feel his chest empty and his weight double as his heart seemed to grow heavy. His shoulders shook slightly as he tried to repress his sobs.

He leaned closer to her and when his lips were a millimetre from hers he whispered:

"I'm in love you. I will _always_ be in love with you. But I have to do this for us. I would have given everything up for you. _Volim te_. Remember that."

He gently pressed his lips to hers and could feel her whole body shake against his and he stood letting his hand linger on her cheek for a second longer then turned away from her and left her apartment. 

Once he was outside her building he leaned his forehead against his truck door and allowed the tears to flow freely down his cheeks, allowed his body to convulse in violent racks as he realised that he had just let go of the only person who was able to make him happy again.

He'd just lost the one person he had loved more than anything in this life.

And he wasn't sure he would be able to get over her.

_You gave me words I just can't say   
So if nothing else  
I'll hold on while you drift away  
Cause everything you wanted me to hide  
Is everything that makes me feel alive_

**TBC**


	30. Chapter 29

_The rain is like an orchestra to me  
Little gifts from above meant to say  
Girl, you falling at his feet _

The dusk slowly turned to deep night, the clouds darkening from gentle white puffs into heavy, fat rain clouds. Her wind shield wipers thwooped across her shield and she allowed the monotonous sound lull her into a hypnotic state.

She was numb.

The skies began to drip heavier, showering the dull Chicago night with its dreary wetness. Falteringly, Sam brought her hand up to her face and swiped at a few errant tears that slipped past the barrier of her eyelids, as she sat, blinded by her eyes' natural shields, not noticing the changes in the atmosphere around her.

She had lost Luka. She swallowed past the lump in her throat and licked her lips as she leaned her head forward and rested it gently on the steering wheel. Her head hurt so badly, a result of three hours of constant crying into her sofa's arm after Luka had left her apartment.

Her mind drifted back, of its own accord, to the last images she held of Luka, his eyes tortured, heavy, pleading with her to tell him that what he was saying was wrong. She had wanted so badly to tell him that she was willing to take that further step, to turn that red light into a green one... but he hadn't let her, the power of his words had stunned her into silence and she simply couldn't speak past the Luka-enforced lump in her throat.

She hadn't even tried to stop him from leaving. She had simply watched his retreating form, her fingers raising to her tingling lips and when she heard the door close, she had let out a gut wrenching sob. And then another. And another. And another until eventually her stomach hurt and she had to lay herself down on the sofa and clutched a cushion to her abdomen as she was thrown into a pitiful state of tears.

She had wanted to get up and follow him and yell at him to stop, that she loved him, that she wanted to be with him... but she didn't. And so, three hours later, she had picked her shattered self off of her sofa and grabbed her car keys and simply drove.

Two hours later she had ended up here.

The heavy, fat drops thundered onto her roof and Sam could see that each falling drop was sending splashes of two feet into the air. Still she couldn't move.

_But everything inside you knows  
Says more than what you've heard  
So much more than empty conversations  
Filled with empty words_

She didn't know why she was here. This was the last place she would have expected to end up.

Reaching her hand up to her cheek, she could still feel Luka's fingers on her skin. Her chest heaved as she attempted to breathe in. It hurt to even do that. There was an ache in the hollow of her chest and she didn't know what it was. Her bones felt cold and empty, and she wondered how she had managed to drive while her body shook as violently as it did. Her shuddering hand climbed across her face to her lips and then her other hand joined it and pressed hard into her face as she sobbed again.

_"I would have given everything up for you. Volim te. Remember that."_

She was positive that she would never forget. She could feel his arms wrap around her as she remembered lying feeling, for the first time in her life, safe in his arms. She could still feel him inside of her.

They still had so much to discover in one another.

_All those smiles unexplored  
All the words left unsaid  
We strung our dreams  
On and all to slender thread_

She saw his hands play with a fork as he sat across from her in a restaurant. She saw his hands rub his eyes as he woke up from a peaceful slumber. She felt his hands rub across her arms.

She dragged one hand down her face to her neck and she grasped his chain in her hand and yanked, snapping the fine chain. Looking at the pendant, she could see no beauty in it now, the beauty tarnished by her memories. She stared at the key and felt his fingers close around hers and secure the metal object in her grasp. She opened her hand and turned her palm upside down, allowing the tarnished white gold slither from her grasp.

_So I will head out alone and hope for the best  
And we can hang our heads down  
As we skip the goodbyes _

She waited outside the door, the rain soaking through her baggy T-shirt and causing the material to cling to her body.

"Sam?"

Sam looked up at her mother and felt tears spring to her eyes and she couldn't breathe as her cries caught in her throat.

"Oh my God, Sam..."

She lunged at her mother and they both tumbled into the room. Sam couldn't even hear the door close behind her. She cried into her mother's chest and could feel a drip of saliva rolling down her chin, could feel her nose clog up. Gripping onto Jocelyn's back, Sam pawed around, searching for something to hold onto as she felt herself slide into a deep, dark oblivion that she didn't know how to get out of.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
and I held your hand through all of these years..._

"It hurts," Sam managed through her tears and she felt her mother's hand in her hair tense slightly. "Why does it hurt so much?" Her words almost silent as they caught in the back of her throat. "Make it stop hurting... I can't make it stop..."

Jocelyn could feel her own tears begin to course down her face as she held her broken daughter in her arms.

"I don't know how, Sam. I don't know how."

She didn't even need to ask what had happened. Her daughter would never cry over Steve like this. 

"Please... I don't know how to make it go away..." Sam hugged herself after pulling out of Jocelyn's grip and she rocked herself backwards and forwards on her haunches, gripping painfully onto her ribs.

By now, Jocelyn was shaking almost as badly as Sam, her heart being pulled apart at seeing her only daughter hurting so much.

"Did you love him?" She watched as Sam nodded vigorously, attempting to stem the flow of emotions. "Did he love you?"

"Volim te..."

Jocelyn frowned at her daughter.

"What, Sam?"

Sam's dead eyes stared back at her and she flinched slightly at the emptiness they held.

"It's Croatian for I love you." She sniffed and Jocelyn nodded in understanding. "I didn't know that until tonight..." she shook her head and looked away." He said that to me all the time..."

Fresh tears fell down her cheeks and Jocelyn reached out wipe them away, knowing that they would only be replaced by more.

"What happened tonight, Sam?" She asked gently and shuffled closer to her daughter, who had curled herself up in a ball in the corner of the room.

"He loved me too much to keep pretending..." Sam reached her hand up to her lips again and Jocelyn could see that she was remembering his touch there. "I was so in love with him... he... 've with me... it was killing us... keep pretending and we'd have died..."

Sam closed her eyes and shook her head.

"I think that would be better than this." She looked up at her mother. "I don't know if I can live without, mom. I don't know how..."

_Why do the street lamps die  
When you're passing by  
Like a hand that won't stay on my shoulder tonight  
If you held me close, would you laugh it away  
Would you dare the glance that I steal to stay_

It's not that I don't understand you  
It's not that I don't want to be with you  
But you only wanted me  
The way you wanted me

Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me

For you left me  
With so few memories  
I could close my eyes and cling to  
Just a fading photograph  
I'd sometimes sink to

**TBC**

Songs used:

Rachel Yamagata - The Reason Why, I'll Find A Way  
Evanescence - My Immortal  
Switchfoot - On Fire  
KD Lang - Love Affair


	31. Chapter 30

Sam sat in her car and stared at the ominous door in front of her. Breathing deeply, she reached out a shaky hand and pulled the latch that would let her out. She felt a hand on her arm and she turned to her mother.

"I'll be here, Sam - if you need me."

Sam nodded and stepped out into the chill seven am Chicago air, wrapping her mother's jacket tighter around her body. Reaching into the pocket of her jeans she fiddled with the contents as she climbed the stairs. Upon reaching the door, she pulled out thekey on thechain and held her shaking hand to the door lock.

It took her a few seconds to finally get the key in as her hand shook violently in fear and cold and... _fear_. Slowly, she pushed the door open and stepped into the apartment.

Her senses were hit instantly with _him _and she let out a haggard breath as she leaned against the door to close it. She took in the state around her. His jacket was tossed on the back of the sofa, his coffee mug sitting - empty and cold - on the dining table. The dark green walls were almost black in the morning light. She could smell that scent that she knew was distinctly him but that she could not distinguish as reminding her of anything else.

Pushing herself away from the door, she knew that he wasn't there. She couldn't feel his presence there. She moved towards the bedroom, keeping her head bent as she fought against the memories threatening to overwhelm her. She couldn't possibly have any more tears left to cry.

Reaching the door to the bedroom, she paused and leaned her forehead against it, trying to sense if he was on the other side. Pushing it open, she stepped in and paused as she was flooded with memories.

_Luka traced happy faces on her back with his fingers and Sam turned to him, a frown on her face. _

"What are you doing?"

"Drawing on your back."

"Happy faces?"

"I'm happy. I'll draw happy things."

Sam sighed and walked past the bed and headed towards the dresser, pushing all the memories to the back of her mind. Opening her palm, Sam looked down at the pendant, key and broken chain in her hand. Swallowing hard, she placed the tarnished memory onto the top of the dresser and arranged it delicately next to the photograph of them that he kept propped against the only mirror in his house - other than the one in the bathroom. Breathing heavily, from deep within her, she moved to the wardrobe in the corner at the opposite side.

Pulling the door open slowly, she saw her collection of tee, jumpers, jeans, shoes and underwear hung, folded and placed neatly amidst his numerous shirts, suits, belts, ties and shoes.

She was overwhelmed by the smell of him seeping out of the rows of shirts. Reaching in, Sam pulled out her items of clothing and paused when she saw the dress hanging over the door.

_"I liked that dress. It looked... really good on you. But, I think it would look better on the floor, just down there," he sat up from their joined bodies and leaned over the edge of the bed, pulling her with him, indicating a spot on the floor. "Right there." _

And she laughed, pulling him back to her and kissed him deeply. She was so in love with him.

She made it back to the lounge before she felt tears jump into her eyes again and she shook her head. How can it be possible to still have tears within her ducts?

She shifted the pile of trousers over her arm and stretched her fingers around the handle of the three bags that now contained her other clothes. This was the last time she would ever be here. Glancing around again, she allowed herself to be assaulted by him.  
_  
"This is it, Sam, this is us home..." _

"I love you. I'm in love with you."

"Do you want a drink?" "No, I want you."

_"You have me... forever."_

Outside it was raining again, and Sam could see her mother inside her rented car. Moving away from the doorway, she turned one last time and saw his bedroom window high above her, a window that allowed the best view of the city - a window that she had loved to look out of at night and had made Luka move his bed so she could see the city from there.

"Bye, Luka..." She muttered into the wind, her words swallowed by the howls and she felt tears mingle with the rain as it streaked across her face.

She tossed her clothes in the trunk of the car and rushed around to the passenger side and jumped in beside her mother.

They sat in silence for a while, Jocelyn having no clue what to say and Sam simply unable to say anything.

"Get what you needed?" She asked eventually and Sam nodded.

"Yeah..."

Another silence followed and Sam tapped her foot against the floor.

"Take me home, mom," she whispered into the air and saw her mother turn towards her.

"To your apartment?"

Shaking her head, Sam turned towards her and pursed her lips.

"No... take me home."

Jocelyn nodded and turned the key in the engine. At the T junction, Jocelyn turned right and towards the freeway, towards the road that would lead them to east, towards Elgin, and lead Sam home.

**TBC**


	32. Chapter 31

_Skies without stars  
all the nights without you  
I watch the world  
from a room without a view_

Lying in his bed, he stared out of the window, clutching her parting gift in his hand fist. That's all he seemed to be able to do. From his vantage point, he could see over the city. It was a beautiful view, normally, but for the past four days he couldn't see beauty in anything.

He hadn't been able to settle when he left Sam's apartment five nights ago and had jumped into his car and driven to Lake Geneva. He hadn't lifted his coat and in the few seconds it had taken him to reach from his doorway to his car, he had been soaked through and through and chilled to the bone. But then, he didn't know if the chill feeling in his bones was of the same origin as the hollow feeling in his chest, or the cold. He doubted it was the cold as, now, laying under his duvet, with sweat slicking his legs, he could still feel the chill in his bones.

Standing from his bed, he walked towards the window and pushed it open, feeling the smattering of rain hit his bare chest and he leaned his side against the sill. The midday sun was streaking its hazy rays across every building he could see glinting off of the metal of the cars in the streets below, blinking off of the panes of glass that served as barriers against the smattering of rain that hadn't really stopped for the past week. In the distance, above the freeway, he could see a rainbow and could almost hear Sam's giggling, child-like voice as she stared in wonderment at the multi-coloured arc.

Closing his eyes and opening his palm, he traced his fingers over the pendant and sighed. He felt as though he had lost his family all over again. And he felt guilty for that. He had been with Danijela for years, had had two children with her - loved them all and was still so very much in love with them. But, in the few months he had known Sam, he had come to be more in love with her than he had ever been, and being without her was causing such turmoil to his body that he wasn't sure that it was healthy.

He couldn't remember the last time he had eaten a proper meal. He had a few scrimps and scrapes here and there but that was all. He'd had no substantial meal for days. He had called into the hospital the second he arrived back from Lake Geneva and had asked for the rest of the week off. He had unplugged the phone after that and sat in solitude on his sofa, staring at the blank screen of his plasma television feeling _nothing_.

Nothing but her touch. Nothing but her essence in his home. What he had come to call _their_ home.

As soon as he had stepped foot inside his apartment, he had known she had been there. He could just feel her. And when he had moved to his bedroom and saw her dress spread out on his bed, his assumptions had been confirmed. His eyes had scanned his wardrobe and noticed the lack of her clothes. He can remember freshly how empty that had made him feel. He couldn't remember the last time he had ever thought that his house had felt more empty.

And then he had seen the pendant, her key and the broken chain - a symbol of their relationship. Beautiful, right up until someone yanked it from them. And he had been that someone. He was a masochist. He _had_ to be. _No one _else would cause such pain to themselves.

Opening his eyes, he looked down at the piece of metal in his hand and smiled slightly.

_He liked that expression appearing on her face. Maybe it was the sheer amount of alcohol he had consumed but she seemed to be genuinely happy by his little impromptu gift. _

"Luka... oh my god..."

He loved the way she pronounced his name. Watching her fawn over the white gold chain, he was overcome by the sudden desire to lean forward and kiss her. But he didn't.

"I just... saw it and thought of you..."

He still thought about her when he saw it. Reaching down he inserted the plug for the phone back into the wall and stood straight again, looking out over the city.

He wondered where she was, what she was doing. Was she, like him, thinking of their lost time together, their happier times - for him, some of the happiest and most peaceful times of his life. Checking his watch, he realised that that was probably not likely as she was supposed to be at work. Had she called in like him? Or had she been able to brave the world and go in?

He jumped slightly when the loud, shrill sound interrupted the silence. His jerk had caused the chain to fall from his hand and he watched, frozen as it slid onto the sill and out of the open window. Suddenly, realising what had happened, he surged forward and attempted to grab it but it was out of his reach before he could.

_Symbolic..._

"Hello?" He barked when he yanked up his cordless receiver.

"Luka? It's me Abby."

He closed his eyes and shook his head. He really didn't want to talk to anyone, least of all her. He felt horrible about the way he had treated her.

"Ouch... we were wondering if you had seen Sam?"

Luka frowned and sat on the edge of the window sill, cocking his head into the phone.

"No, why?" He asked, testily.

There was a pause.

"Well... she hasn't shown up to any of her shifts this week and she hadn't called in... and we thought maybe you could go around and check her apartment?"

"Haven't you called her?"

"Of course we have," she replied angrily and he could tell she was frustrated at him. "Her cell and her house, her cell is off and there's no answer at her home number. Luka, we're really bogged down here, we could use all the help we can-"

"I'm not coming in."

"Luka what the hell is wrong with you? You never miss a day of work and here you are, taking a whole week off. And at the same time Sam goes MIA. And now you don't want to help us find out if she is okay? What the hell is going on with you?"

"Look, I'm fine. I just... I need time to recharge. I've been running on empty for a while now. I just need to get some things sorted in my head before I come back - or do you want me to come in and misdiagnose patients?" His tone had been harsher than he had intended but he was not about to apologise.

She was silent for so long that Luka feared she had dropped the phone and had left him hanging.

"Can you at least go around and check on her apartment for us?" Abby asked, her voice defeated and pleading.

"I don't think that would be the best thing I could do," he whispered truthfully, his voice having lost its edge and he could hear Abby's confused breath on the other end of the line.

"Have you guys had another stupid fight?"

Luka lowered his head then turned and stared down to the street below and saw the chain reflect the sun's rays as water bounced around about it.

"I wouldn't call it stupid but yeah - something like that..."

"Do you think that has something to do with her taking off?"

Luka wanted to badly to tell her yes. But he didn't even know if she_ had _taken off. But something inside him told him that she was no longer in Chicago.

"I don't know... I don't think so," he lied.

"Okay." There was silence for a while. "When will you be in?"

"Two days, I'm on seven until nine."

"And you complain about running on low..." she accused lightly and he smiled slightly, his head sticking out of his window, bent down to the ground.

God but he must look odd to passers by.

"So... I'll see you on Friday?"

Luka nodded.

"Yeah."

"Okay. Bye." There was another pause. "I love you."

He couldn't say it to her. He couldn't.

"Yeah."

And he hung up, tossed the phone aside, pulled the plug out and ran to the door, down his flight of stairs and onto the street to retrieve her necklace.

He wasn't ready to let it go yet.

It was the only part he had left of her and he wasn't sure he would ever be able to let it go - it was part of his memory, part of their memory - and could never let it go... even if he wanted to.

_If you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone..._


	33. Chapter 32

"I'm moving back to Elgin," she said as she watched his eyebrows crease together and he pursed his lips.

"I don't want to move back..." Steve began but trailed off as realisation hit him. He pursed his lips together and closed his eyes. "You don't want me to go back with you." It was more of a statement than a question.

There was a beat of silence and then Sam nodded her head and rubbed her sweaty palms over her linen clad legs. Outside, the rain had ceased but the clouds were still dark and heavy and she knew that it would only be a few minutes before the next fat drops plummeted to the ground. The air in the apartment was musty, thick and heavy and she could tell that none of the windows had been opened in the place for the whole time she had been away. Cigarette smoke clung tightly to every length of fabric that was in the apartment.

She tried to breathe through her mouth.

Steve was sitting in the armchair opposite her, his legs spread wide, his elbows resting on his knees and his head resting on his fists. His stubbly chin looked ginger and his eyes were dark with lack of sleep.

"I don't understand, Sam. Why?" He asked eventually and Sam stared at him.

"I just... things haven't been good between us since we moved here... since before we moved here. I just think it's time that we were apart. We're holding each other back, I have a job waiting for me in Elgin - at the hospital there. You can stay here, or you can move again. I just... I need to get out of here."

There was silence again and they stared at each.

"At least let me help you carry your stuff out, when you go. You don't have to leave now do you?"

Sam shook her head and smiled at his generosity and his never ending charm. It was one of the reasons that she had fallen in 'love' with him when she was nought but a naive teenager.

"I have to go to the hospital, hand in my resignation. It'll be a couple of hours at least," she told him as she shuffled about on the sofa.

It was his turn to nod and he slapped his thighs.

"I have to do a couple of hours down at the yard anyway... Don't leave before I get back?" He pleaded and Sam smiled again, sadly this time, at him and nodded.

"I'll be here when you get back. Then you can help me carry my stuff out to the car."

He nodded his head and stood up moving to her and kneeling in front of her. He drew his thumbs across her cheeks and looked into her eyes, his blue stare making her shiver.

"I love you," he whispered. "I always loved you. Remember that."

He brushed his lips against Sam's and turned and left.

Sam meanwhile, sat stunned at his words, and felt her mind fly back to the night Luka had muttered those exact words to her. She shivered at the memory and felt the familiar ache in her chest.

Moving to her bedroom, she saw her suitcases already packed and waiting for her to have them carried out to her car that was out front.

Sighing, she left the room and made her way to the hospital.

Susan and Abby stood at admit, reading over some charts and sharing the occasional word. The ER was almost empty, unlike the previous seven days, and the two females were enjoying the time they had to catch their breaths.

"Luka should be here soon," Susan said as she turned and leaned her hip against the edge of the wood and looked at Abby.

Abby simply nodded and kept writing.

"I wonder if Sam will be in," she muttered eventually and Susan frowned at her in confusion. Abby caught the look and shook her head. "Oh come on... don't tell me you don't find it strange that they both just happen to have disappeared at the same time?"

They were in silence after Abby's little outburst and Susan pursed her lips.

"I still haven't heard from Sam, have you?"

Abby sighed and shook her head. She hadn't meant to burst like that but there was a worry nagging deep within her that there was something going on with Sam and Luka and she _really_ didn't want to think about it.

"I'm really worried about her, Susan. It's not like her to not show up without calling... it's like she's disappeared off the face of the Earth," Abby said and sighed again as she flicked a lock of hair from her eyes.

"Who has?"

Abby jumped at the sound of his voice and she turned to him and smiled but the smile faded when she took in his appearance. His normally sallow skin was pale and looked drawn tight around his eyes. Said eyes were dark rimmed and tired looking. He had lost a _lot_ of weight in the nine days that she hadn't seen him. His chin and cheeks were covered in a layer of stubble and he kept biting his lip nervously.

This was not the Luka Kovac that she knew.

"Uh... Sam..." she said eventually and saw him frown at the shaky voice that she had used and then she saw a deep emptiness creep into his eyes.

She didn't want to see that look.

"Still haven't heard from her?" He asked casually as he reached behind her to grab a chart, his eyes not meeting hers.

"No-"

"Hey," Jerry called from the other end of admit as he held the phone to his chest. "Weaver called," he said as he placed the receiver down on the cradle and the medical personnel turned to him and raised their eyebrows. "Said to tell you that Sam was here and she just handed in her resignation."

"What?"

Abby turned to Luka as he almost shouted that single word and saw how his face had lost even more colour – something that she hadn't thought possible - and saw him reach to the side and grab onto the worktop.

"She's moving back upstate." He shrugged and turned back to the computer screen.

There was a tense silence in the trio and Susan looked to Abby who was standing in shock, her hands gripping her hips, her eyebrows raised as she stared at Luka. Susan then turned to Luka to see that he was frozen, his jaw hanging loose, his eyes blazing with... fear. His knuckles around the metal clipboard were white and the clipboard shook in his grip.

"Luka?" She asked eventually, reaching her hand out to him and turning to Abby quickly, asking for help.

"Here," was the only word he said as he thumped the clipboard into Susan's chest and walked out of admit, towards the lounge and, two minutes later, Susan and Abby saw him leave the hospital with his keys gripped in his hand.

Abby tried not to notice the look that Susan was sending her.

**TBC**


	34. Chapter 33

Standing outside her door, Luka drummed his fingers against the doorjamb as he waited for her to answer his knock.

He couldn't believe she was leaving. Living without her, not seeing her at all, not being able keep a watchful eye over her... those thoughts scared him beyond belief and he was shaken, again, by much he had come to depend on seeing her.

The past week had been hell for him. And knowing that she had not shown up to any of her shifts had scared him.

He straightened when he saw the door open before him and he took in her appearance, shocked.

Her normally buoyant, blonde curls were straight, her left eye partially covered by a chunk of hair that now held more brown than blonde. He saw her freeze and he knew that his face held the same look of shock, fear and hope that she had.

"You changed your hair?" He asked the first thing that came to his head and he had to push his hand out to stop the door from closing as she attempted to slam it. 

He pushed it open and stepped into her apartment, looking around at the barren shelves surrounding him and saw four suitcases piled up in front of the sofa, with cardboard boxes gathered at the sides.

"What are you doing, Sam?" He asked as he turned back to her and saw that she was watching him, her hand on her hip.

He saw her raise her eyebrow at him then look away towards where his eyes had been.

"I'm leaving."

Talk about stating the blindingly obvious.

"Why?"

She scoffed and snapped her head back towards him.

"There's nothing to keep me here," she told him truthfully and he could hear the hurt in her voice.

He winced at the knowledge that he had caused it and bit his lip. He felt a drop of water fall from his rain soaked hair and trickle down the side of his eye and he reached up to wipe it away.

"Is Steve going with you?" He saw her shake her head and he closed his eyes. "You broke up with him?" She nodded once he had opened his eyes and he looked away again. "Why?"

"Things weren't working out," she replied quickly, harshly and moved past him towards her bedroom.

He stayed, rooted for a second then followed her and saw her toss numerous objects into yet another box. 

"Sam..."

She turned to him at his use of her name and tried to ignore the gentleness his tone held, the same as when he had said her name before.

"It's going to be easier this way, for both of us..." she felt her voice thicken and she blinked back tears and turned away from him.

"Running away isn't the answer, Sam," he said and she heard the genuine fear his tone held.

He looked like hell, she noted as she glanced quickly at him one more time.

"I'm not running away," she snapped at him and he raised his eyebrow, his back straightening, heightening him.

"Really?" He motioned around the room with his hands. "That's what it looks like to me, Sam."

Sam lowered her head, raising her eyes to him and pushed her tongue into her cheek to stop from snapping back at him instantly. She raised her eyes to his and stared hard into the dark azure abyss.

"I can't be running away. I have nothing to run away from."

She saw him flinch and, internally, she flinched, feeling the bite of her words herself.

"I can't let you just walk away, Sam."

"You were the one who walked away, Luka. Remember?" She waited for him to nod. "I have never felt so empty in my life, Luka. Do you really want to know why I left Steve?" She waited for him to nod again. "Because I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't let him have this shell of a person. He deserves so much more than that. A shell, Luka. That's all I am. Because of you. _You_."

She saw that he was struggling, his lips continually drawing in between his teeth, his eyes not meeting hers and flicking around the bedroom. 

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Sam. But if we had kept going on the way we were, we would have hurt each other more than this," he said and motioned between them.

Sam felt tears jump to her eyes again and she blinked furiously, trying to rid herself of them.

"I don't think anything can hurt more than this..." she muttered and he closed his eyes for a second, against the truthful tone in her voice, against the plain pain on her features.

Opening his eyes again, he walked cautiously towards her, reaching his hand out to her and then paused.

She watched his eyes for a moment, and then slid her teary vision down his body, down his long arm until she reached his fingertips. Her arm, which up until that point had been limp at her side, rose and she brushed her fingers over his. He could feel the slight jolt of electricity that shivered its well-worn track around his body, he could feel her eyes studying him and knew that she could feel his doing the same to her. He reached his hand up a centimetre or two until his fingers touched hers once more and intertwined them with hers, then he tugged gently but firmly until he felt her body pressed fully against his, chest to chest, leg to leg.

He held her to him, pressing his chin into her hair, letting her know that he was there, that he was feeling the same pain as him. She wasn't openly crying but he knew her well enough to know that she needed to be held. By him and only him. Letting her go was one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do - and to let her leave the city... he wasn't sure how he would cope with that little twist of fate.

He tried not to think about how utterly intimate this whole situation was as his fingers slid under the rim of her thin jumper - tried to tell himself that it was oh-so-wrong that his hands were moving further and further up her back, that it was wrong to be leaning into her lips and urging her to part hers with his tongue. He felt her hands move from his stomach: one went under his shirt at the front and began tracing swirls up his body, the other moved to the back of his neck and she pulled him further down into her. His hand that had been resting on her waist slid up the side of her body, over her hip, the dip where her hip ended and then tracing over her breast until he reached her neck. He pressed his palm flat to her cheek for a few seconds before pushing his hand into her hair; pulling it down from the 'up-do' she had had it in and angling her head differently to allow him better access to her mouth. His other hand continued to hold her body to his whilst scratching lightly at her skin. He felt her shiver against his body and didn't know whether it was from crying or another, more appealing, source. He felt her running her hand down his back to his waistline and fully un-tucking his shirt from his trousers. He felt the coldness of her fingertips burning through his skin and he moaned slightly into her mouth. He felt her smile under his lips and he himself grinned, before pulling back only long enough for her to tug his shirt over his head, not bothering with the buttons up the front. 

He held her eyes and noticed the familiar look of passion filling them: the dark, dark colour of her irises; the deep flush covering her cheeks and the way she kept glancing between his eyes and mouth. He leaned forward for only a second, brushing his lips quickly over hers, before pulling his hand out from under her top and pulling her even closer to him. He placed butterfly kisses on her neck and felt her ragged breath brush past the hairs at the side of his ear.

He smiled onto her skin.

_So tired of the straight line  
And everywhere you turn  
There's vultures and thieves at your back_

She held her breath as he traced her collarbone with his lips and tongue, leaving no centimetre of skin undiscovered. She could feel his hard chest pressed firmly against hers and knew that as soon as he stepped back her knees would give way and she would land in a heap at his feet. It was always the same. She tilted her neck slightly to allow him better access and felt, rather than heard him laugh lightly against her goose pimpled skin. 

She couldn't handle anymore of this.

As soon as the thought entered her mind, she felt him pull back and was momentarily confused until she felt and saw him tug her thin sweater over her head. She felt his eyes roaming her body and smiled as she studied his and saw that he was as affected by their encounter as she was. She reached her hand out and traced her nails delicately across his abdomen and saw the slight contraction as she found the weak spot there, just over his hip bone. Her fingers continued their trek to his shoulder, then down his arm. When she reached his fingers, she did not clasp them like he expected but instead lifted his hand and placed each finger separately into her mouth, continually looking at him as she did so. She watched as he closed his eyes and saw his body sway backwards as he tried to regulate his breathing. When he opened his eyes again, she saw that his pupils had doubled in size and that he _wanted_ her.

He reached out to her now exposed waistline and pulled her back to him once more, using the belt hoop of her denims. His index finger and middle finger fingers stepped up her abdomen until he reached the swell of her breast. He fumbled with the clasp of her bra, which was at the front of her black lace garment - it was the same one that she had worn on their first encounter, only in black.

_Ironic..._

His other hand dragged lightly up and down her back, pulling her closer and closer to him. He traced the outline of her lacy bra and she could feel a deep hollow feeling forming in the very pit of her stomach. Finally, he unclipped it and pushed it gently over her shoulders and she heard the dull thud as it hit the ground somewhere behind her. She felt entirely exposed and vulnerable standing in front of him, half naked. But then he kissed her jaw-line with feather light kisses and caressed her breast, rubbing at the already erect nipple and she felt something entirely different.

_Everything I know has let me down  
So I will just let go  
Let you turn me inside out  
'Cause I know I'm not sure  
'bout anything  
But you wouldn't have it any other way_

He shuffled his feet and manoeuvred both their bodies further into her bedroom whilst not removing his lips from her neck. He reached a chest of drawers in the corner and pushed her up against it as he fumbled around it. His actions were made only jerkier as she slipped her hand into the waistband of his trousers and she arched her back, urging her pelvis closer to his throbbing erection. He groaned and his head fell to her shoulder as she darted her tongue over his collarbone, sending even more blood rushing to his pulsating arousal. He manoeuvred around it and they stumbled through the room, only managing to not fall on the floor because the bed beat them to it. As they fell, he cushioned most of the fall on his elbows, ensuring that he did not squash her to death in the process of making love to her. For the last time. 

He gulped down the lump that jumped into his throat at the thought.

He sat up on his elbows and stared down at her; seeing that her eyes were closed and her lips were slightly parted as she tried to breathe in as much oxygen as possible. He traced an almost evanescent line down her jaw and around her eyes and was quite content to watch her pleasure all night, to re-memorise every line of her beautiful face. A face that, in his mind, would never grow old.

_Forever young  
I hope you stay  
Forever young  
Do-do-do-do_

She, however, had different ideas. Before he knew what was happening, he was on his back and she was straddling his hips, leaning forward slightly so that her breasts were in line with his face. Her jean-clad knees braced her weight as they rested against his naked waist. He felt her wiggle her hips suggestively and ignorantly against him and he felt his head fall further back into the mattress. With his closed eyes, he could not see her approach and so was pleasantly surprised when he felt her lips on his, but only for a few seconds and then they were gone again. He didn't have to wait long though, as he felt them once again but on his right nipple. He ground his hips upwards towards her and groaned into the charged air around them.

Her hands were everywhere: In his hair; on his stomach; on the buckle of his belt; on the buttons of his pants. Her body shimmied down his and her toned stomach grazed over his erection sending colours through his brain that only arousal could conjure up.

She always knew exactly what to do and when to do it.

But he had to slow it down or he wasn't going to last. So, mustering every ounce of will power he had, he threw her body off of him and flipped their positions. She was grinning evilly at him from her place on the large bed. Her slightly parted lips were pulsating from their heated kisses, her breasts were swollen from being fondled, her legs splayed slightly indicating that she was ready for him.

He leaned forward and traced his tongue over her lips before pulling fully away and standing at the foot of the bed staring at her lithe form. It took her only a few seconds to realise that his weight was no longer pressing down on top of her. She opened her eyes and drew her lips into a pout and stared at him with hazy eyes. He smiled broadly at her as she lifted her fingers to her navel and began to trace the defined lines of her flat stomach. He could see she was struggling to keep her eyes open at the heightened sensations her own actions were having on her already heated body.

"Look at me," he commanded as her eyes drifted shut in pleasure as her nimble fingers made quick work of the button of her jeans. "Stop moving," he continued.

When she did finally stop moving and looked at him, he nodded and continued to appreciate her semi-naked body. He didn't know how he could ever forget her. Knew that he didn't want to. He already missed her. He already missed the athletic form of her body, that was fit and strong and had curves in all the right places. He could see her bosom rising and falling rapidly, indicating her lack of breath, similar to his own.

His eyes catalogued every curve of her breast, her neckline and when finally he reached her face, he could see her questioning eyes boring into his. He simply smiled and reached down to the already half-loosened belt on his trousers and pulled it fully free and pushed his trousers down, allowing them to fall to the floor and his boxers soon followed, revealing all his masculine beauty, while his eyes never left hers. 

She sat up slowly, pushing up from her elbows until she was sitting at a ninety-degree angle. She slid forward until she sat at the edge of the bed, staring still into the deep abyss of his eyes. Expertly, she eased out of her trousers and slipped them – along with her panties – down her legs and over her feet. She reached her hand out and pulled his body closer to her, tilting her head further up so she could keep her connection with his eyes. Seductively lowering her eyes, she focussed on the fine line of hair from his button to his pubic area. She leaned forward slightly and placed feather-light kisses on those hairs, from his button to where his waistband would start, and then along the tan line he that never seemed to disappear. As she reached his hip bone, she darted out her tongue and danced it over the delicate area and she felt his hand on her head get firmer as he relished in the feelings she was provoking. 

_It don't make no difference  
Escaping one last time  
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh  
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees..._

He revelled in the experience for a few seconds longer, then gently pulled her head away from his body and kneeled down in front of her. He slid his hand up her inner thigh until his fingers brushed over her core. He glanced up at her and placed his tongue on the edge of his teeth. 

She breathed in sharply in the knowledge of his next move. He inched his head further into the 'V' shape she had created with her legs and kissed every inch of her thighs. She no longer had the strength to hold herself up and so she fell unceremoniously onto the bed but did not move her legs. She gripped onto the covers beside her and bunched them in her hands. As his lips finally covered her throbbing bud she let out a loud moan of pleasure and wrapped her long legs around his neck, holding his head firmly in place.

His hands, which until that point had been decidedly idle, slid up the large expanse of her legs until they were tracing circles over her lower abdomen. He could hear her shallow breaths and knew that she was very close. Instead of pushing her over the edge, he slid his body up hers, using the advantage of her obvious pleasure to break free of the chokehold she had managed to maintain on his neck. He ensured that the head of his aching penis touched her opening then withdrew it and all that was touching her were his legs and one solitary finger as it traced her features.

"Now," she growled as she threw her legs around his hips and pulled him down into her.

He slid into her easily, feeling her muscles pulling him further and further in until he felt he would never make it back out. Wanting to never make it back out. They both let out moans of pleasure at the sensation of him filling her completely. She opened her eyes and stared directly into his as he began thrusting. He had initially thought of keeping a level pace but her hands on his butt and shoulders, squeezing gently, ensured that no such action would be appreciated. She thrust upwards, meeting his every deep, penetrating blow each time, heightening both of their pleasures.

He tried to concentrate on her face, on her noises but his fast approaching climax took over his mind and drove all thought of thinking from his mind. He barely heard her gasp the word "together" as he felt her muscles contract around him, as he followed her to a world that existed outwith the boundaries of reality. He heard her cry his name loudly, and he could hear his own voice calling hers as they knew each other for the last time. He could feel their hips grinding together painfully but he couldn't concentrate on that. All he could hear was her chants, her calls, her small gasps of pleasure as they both slowly came down from their high.

His head, which had dropped onto her shoulder at some point, turned further into her neck and he placed tired, wet kisses there. Her fingers were running through his hair, stroking it gently at the back, placing kisses onto his head, her chest and throat squeaking with unreleased tears.

He raised his head after another few moments, when he had his breath back. Her hair was stuck to her forehead with sweat and he reached up and brushed it away with his hand, attempting to control his own tears. Her eyes were still clouded but he could see her bittersweet contentment in them.

"That was…" She began, trying to dispel any awkwardness that might come over them.

He smiled somewhat arrogantly and nodded. "I know."

She smiled and pulled his head down for a slow, passionate kiss that spoke more than any words. When they broke apart, he saw her tears begin to flow again from her cheeks and he leaned down, pressing his lips to them, attempting to drink in her pain. He could feel his own emotions become a struggle within himself and he pressed his forehead to hers, screwing his eyes shut as he felt his lips tremble against hers.

Eventually, he leaned up and looked into her eyes.

"You know that I-" he began to speak but she cut him off.

"I know." She stared at him and nodded, biting down onto her lip.

"Yeah," he answered and looked at her for a few moments longer.

He slowly pulled back from her, pulling his body away from hers and slid his legs over the edge of the bed, searching for his pants and boxers.

"I never want to forget you, Sam..." He muttered as he stood to pull his trousers on and he heard her breath catch in her throat. "I don't want anything to tarnish my memories of you... of us."

He heard her laugh slightly and he turned to look at her.

"So... you're going to live a life of celibacy to ensure that?" She asked, smiling half-heartedly.

He stared into her sorrowed eyes and slowly nodded.

"If that's what it takes. This..." he motioned between them with his index finger. "Will never grow old, the memory of this... I... Volim te..." he muttered, knowing that she would never understand that he had spoken the words that she had attempted to stop him from saying earlier.

_I had a dream  
Strange it may seems  
It was my perfect day  
I hope you never grow old_

She looked away from him and he continued pulling on his clothes and when he was fully dressed he turned back to her, leaned his head down and brushed his lips over hers.

"Goodbye, Sam."

"Bye, Luka..." he heard her mutter and he turned away from the tears, from his own tears, knowing that he would not be able to stop himself from kissing them away. She spoke to him when he reached the door. "Volim te... I love you, too..." he turned his head slightly, but still couldn't see her, knew that he couldn't. "I will always love you. Remember that."

Luka nodded slightly, stepped out of her bedroom and closed the door.

_Broken by the rules of love  
And fate has led you through it  
You do what you have to do  
And I have the sense to recognize that  
I don't know how to let you go  
Every moment marked  
With apparitions of your soul  
But I have the sense to recognize  
That I don't know how  
To let you go  
Deep within I'm shaken by the violence  
Of existing for only you  
I know I can't be with you  
I do what I have to do _

**TBC**


	35. Chapter 34

Steve paid the cab driver and closed the door, and turned to walk back up the stairs to his and Sam's apartment. He made it to the corner of the building when he saw the door open to main entrance and he stalled.

Doctor Luka Kovac stepped out of the door and looked around the street.

Steve pulled himself back around the corner so as the good doctor wouldn't see him and craned his neck around so he could still see the man he had always thought Sam was fucking.

He could see the tall man was debating with himself, pivoting on his heel back towards the entrance, then away then back and eventually he kept walking away. Steve watched as Kovac turned his head back and upwards and direct his stare towards the window of Steve and Sam's bedroom.

Eventually, he left.

Steve stood where he was, could feel the anger bubbling inside him. His breath was still tinged with alcohol - that stupid bitch actually believed that he was going to work. Work? He hadn't been to work for over a month. He could feel the alcohol push the blood around his veins hard and he could feel the hairs on his neck stand up, the way they always did when he was seriously pissed off.

Her leaving him was one thing, he could handle that. But her leaving him and then going and screwing some loser Slav in what was now _his_ bed? No, that was unforgivable.

He wondered, acidly, how often it had happened before.

He saw a black truck leave the street, driving past him and he sent his own, one finger salute towards it and turned back towards the apartment building.

There was no way she was leaving now. If he couldn't have her, no one could have her.

She was not getting away with this, with this direct attack on his pride. He was better than this, he deserved some respect.

And he would make sure that he got it, he thought as he climbed the last few steps and opened the apartment door.  
**  
TBC**


	36. Chapter 35

"Hey, we got a domestic turn MVA coming in!" Jerry called down the corridor towards Abby as she headed out of admit.

Turning, she moved back to Jerry and propped her elbows on the desk above the radio that was still babbling into his ear.

"Domestic turn MVA?" She asked as she attempted to hear over the radio.

This sounded like the most interesting case she was going to have today. The ER had been under an onslaught of traumas that day but she had not been involved in any of them, too busy trying to figure out where the hell Luka was - although she could hazard a well-educated guess. She hadn't seen him for over two hours since he stormed out of the ER and she was beginning to worry.

"Yeah. I'm getting to details from the cops at the scene - the medics are still trying to get the woman out of the car. Violent domestic, apparently, then as the woman tried to get the hell away in her car, he followed her and rammed her off the road. He's AWOL. Oh and Gallant is there - he says to prepare yourselves..."

Abby raised her eyebrows and pursed her lips. This sounded intriguing.

"I'll take it, and find Carter or Luka and get them ready. I'll be in triage until they are on their way."

Five minutes later, she waswaiting in Trauma Onefor her first trauma in the long run of horrifying traumas that the ER had experienced that day. She was trying to resist the need to nibble at her nails, instead reverting to flicking her shoulder length hair around her face.

Her mind rolled back to Luka and how distant he had been with her for a few months now.

She flicked her eyes around the trauma room and took in the various machines around her and saw a couple of nurses meandering around waiting, like her, for the trauma to roll through the doors. Her mind wandered back to earlier in that day when Jerry had informed them all that Sam had handed in her resignation to Weaver. Her worry for Sam had been growing ever since she had vanished nine days ago. She still wasn't sure if she was still in Chicago.

She had tried to ignore the look of fear and panic that had settled over Luka's face as Jerry had passed on Weaver's message and then how he had left the ER and had yet to come back.

She wasn't stupid, shesaw the looks that passed between Sam and Luka sometimes but she trusted Luka and she trusted Sam. The 'looks' had began not two months after Sam had first arrived in the E.R. and Abby had confronted Luka immediately and they died down. They hadn't disappeared completely but they were sufficiently reduced to a state of where she was able to ignore their existence.

She didn't want to think about Luka having an affair - especially not with Sam. She trusted him. Sam had become one of her close friends and she hoped that Sam would not take advantage of her like that.

But that hope was slowly dwindling.

Suddenly, from behind her, she heard the medical students rushing down the corridor and heard the sound of a gurney being pushed down the corridor towards the bay. Snapping out of her reverie, she turned towards the sounds and saw a frantic Luka sitting astride the motionless form issuing orders, compressing the chest of victim, the faces of the doctor and the patient hidden from her.

The gurney burst through the doors of the trauma room and Abby looked at the body Luka was frantically trying to resuscitate and she froze.

It was Sam.

As Luka raised his head and his eyes met Abby's, she knew in that second that all that she had tried to ignore, all she had tried to deny was true. She stood still for a second and her eyes roamed over the battered, bruised and split face of Samantha Taggert. She then raised her eyes from the wreck and looked at the distraught face of the man she loved.

The anguish burned through her. The pain those blue eyes held chilled her deep into the bone. The panic they held was enough to spur her into action to attempt to save the life of the woman the man that she loved was in love with.

**TBC**


	37. Chapter 36

"What we got in here?" John Carter asked as he stepped into the trauma room and snapped on a pair of gloves.

He saw Luka standing frozen at the foot of the bed, his hand pushed into his hair, his eyes staring at the limp form on the gurney. Abby snapped her head towards him.

"Sam!"

John felt the blood leave his body and he looked at Luka again.

"Get him out of here!" Abby shouted again and John grabbed on to Luka's jacket.

"No! I want to stay - I need to stay!" Luka protested as he attempted to shrug out of John's firm grip.

"No, you need to get out of here and let us help her," John told him and pushed the taller man through the doors.

He watched for a moment to ensure that Luka didn't attempt to come back in and then walked up beside Abby who was in the process of intubating Sam, and Gallant who was using the ultrasound to see into her belly.

"There's a lot of fluid... We already called surgery. They're waiting for her."

John looked to him and nodded.

"Sats are dropping and she's on one hundred per cent oxygen!"

"She needs the OR," he told them all and they nodded.

"She needs to..." the heart monitor beside them started screeching and Abby jumped onto the bottom rail of the bed as she shouted:

"She's crashing!"

John jumped towards the crash cart and pulled it towards the bed.

"Round of epi!" He shouted to Chuney who was already holding the needle over Sam's chest and stabbed it into her. "Charging to two hundred! Clear," he waited until Abby pulled her hands away from Sam's body and then compressed the button on the side of the paddles and saw Sam's body jerk.

"No change!" Abby yelled into the room as she continued compressing and Gallant intermittently squeezed the bubble that supplied their ailing friend with oxygen to the lungs.

"Charging to three hundred - clear!"

Again he waited and then compressed and saw her body jump off the bed.

"Got a heartbeat," Abby said, relief flooding her voice as she looked up to John with a look of panic on her face as the monitor started beating rhythmically.

John inhaled a deep breath and looked back to Abby who was now standing over Sam, her hand on her bloody face.

Looking down at Sam himself, John finally took in her battered appearance. There was a deep laceration stretching across her forehead, her eyes were swollen shut, her whole face covered in bruises and blood dripped from her nose, lip and a deep gash down the left side of her face. Her clothes were torn from where the emergency response team had pulled her out of the car and he could see that her whole body was bruised. He could see that some of her ribs were broken, as they jutted out from her body. Her belly looked swollen slightly. Her leg was sitting at an odd angle, telling him that it was broken.

She had been battered.

"We're going to need to do a rape kit..." The detective said as he popped his head around the door and the silent occupants of the room turned to him.

"What?" Abby asked, shocked and turned towards John who had a similar look of disgust on his face.

"It's mandatory in all domestic cases of this stature."

They were in silence and Abby looked back down to Sam's broken body and swallowed.

"What did that bastard do to you?" She asked quietly as she stroked her unconscious, intubated friend, as she stroked her head.

"Do you know who did it?" John asked as he turned his eyes away from the body.

"We have two suspects," the detective confirmed and nodded, looking directly at John.

"Two?" Gallant asked, surprised, his eyes darting out the door to where he had last seen Kovac.

"I'm not at liberty to discuss their names at the moment." There was a silent beat before John stepped away.

"We need to get her up to the OR," he said again and Abby nodded.

"I'll take her up," she told him as her and Chuney began to un-brake the wheels and move the gurney out of the room.

John stood silent for a few moments, his eyes closed, his thoughts on Luka and Abby. Luka had been through so much in his life - this was just the icing on the cake. He had looked utterly lost, his eyes filled with such a deep anguish that John couldn't deny the truth any longer. And Abby... Abby had seemed empty too, as she too must have seen Luka's reaction to Sam. He wouldn't wish this on anyone.

His own panic, worry, fear for Sam was barely contained and he knew that Luka would be in much a similar state - only deeper, more desolate. He always had tried to bury things within him - but now John wasn't sure Luka had anywhere else left to bury things.

Leaving the room, the detective following him, John headed up to admit and saw most of the ER staff gathered there, listening to Gallant tell them about Sam's condition.

"Hey, has anyone seen Luka?"

They all looked up to the attending and shook their heads.

"No," Neela said as she bit her lip and John could see tears in her eyes - she had been rather close to Sam.

"Hey," John said and reached his hand out to Haleh as she passed him. "Do you know where Luka is?"

Haleh shook her head and shrugged her own tears in her eyes.

"I don't know. I haven't seen him since he left."

John frowned.

"When was that?"

Haleh shrugged again and blinked rapidly.

"About ten minutes ago."

John nodded and let go of her arm. He could feel even more tension seep into his muscles as he felt a panic now begin to settle in on Luka's whereabouts.

Now was not the time for Luka to bugger off into his own little self-recriminating world.

**TBC**


	38. Chapter 37

Luka sat in utter silence as the few people meandering around him spoke in low voices and glanced in his direction occasionally. He had driven himself here on autopilot - the only place he could go to when he felt at his most desperate. The only place where he didn't need to talk if he didn't want to.

And he really didn't want to talk to anyone - anyone apart from The Man and, even then, he didn't really have to _talk_.

He let his eyes drift over the sisters standing about, some dusting down some of the statues at the altar. Their lives must be so simple, he thought. All they needed was faith and, once received, they held onto that through everything. Believing that The Man had a plan for everyone.

Was this his plan for Luka? To take away everyone he had ever loved? His goldfish when he was five? His father when he was a meagre seven year old? His wife when he was only twenty five? His two children? His mother when he was twenty seven? And now Sam? 

Shaking his head, Luka looked accusingly to the sky and thrust his hand into his pocket, finding there her necklace.

It felt like fire to touch and he yanked his hand back out.

He looked back to the altar, to the crucifix standing in a watchful guard over the proceedings in the chapel. Sitting near the middle of the aisle, in the centre of one of the pews, Luka could see basically everything on the wide expanse of the altar.

His mind wandered back to his days in Croatia - to the days of his unwavering faith. Until that horrifying day in Vukovar when his entire family had been taken from him. Surely God wouldn't be as cruel as to spare him? What had his family did to deserve such a horrid departure from their peaceful lives? What had he ever done to deserve to live with the pain, with the memory of never seeing them again - all of his memories tainted by the last time he had seen them?

He had abandoned his faith then, refusing to believe in a God who was so cruel.

But when he had left Croatia and moved to Rome, he needed something real and tangible to hold himself above the rising depth of his depression and Faith was the only thing that seemed real to him. Of recent years, however, his faith hadn't completely disappeared but had dwindled as he hadn't needed it.

He found it funny - and perhaps a little selfish - that the only time that he reverted back to his roots, to the Catholic within him, was when he needed something. Whether it be a little guidance on where to take his life, or to beg and plead with God to take him, to rid him of his mortal body and let him live in peace with his family in the after life.

And today, he was there simply to ask The Man to spare Sam. He refused to believe that God would be so cruel as to take her from him.

Closing his eyes against the raw pain that stabbed into his heart like a thousand tiny knives, he slid off of his seat and leaned on the bench in front of him. Clasping his hands together tightly, his knuckles crushing painfully together, and squeezing his prayer fist to his lips, he felt his body rock gently against the unreleased sobs in his chest.

"Don't take her from me..." He pleaded silently, his fingers beginning to hurt form being clenched too tightly within one another. "I've repented over and over for my sins... what more do you want from me? What more do you need? Why have you not delivered me from this torment?" He shook his head as tears jumped into his eyes and he swallowed past the lump that was now an almost permanent fixture in his throat. "Is this payment?" He could feel his anger build at The Man but he tried to contain it. "Because our relationship was against the rules, you're taking her from me?" He felt a solitary tear trickle down his face. "I finally find a way to be happy again, after the Hell you put me through... and you take her away from me... make me believe again. Don't let her die..." Glancing up again and opening his eyes, he genuflected and then dipped his head again as he wept.

"She doesn't deserve this..." he muttered as he sat back up on his pew and watched the sisters again.

He envied them their faith.

"Luka," he turned, surprised, at the voice beside him and smiled at the frail woman who he had come to call a friend. "Haven't seen you here for a while... How are things?" She asked as she sat next to him on the bench and trained her gaze forward as she fiddled with the rosary beads in her hands.

He paused for a second as another solitary figure passed by them and then he turned his head slightly towards her and spoke.

"Not good, Mary," he felt his words stick in his throat as they tried to squeeze past his lump.

There was a silence between them again before she spoke.

"What has he done this time?"

Luka smiled tightly at her and turned back to the crucifix before them.

"Nothing he hasn't done before," he told her, his voice low but still managing to echo off the walls. He looked down as he felt another wave of tears strike him.

_Heaven holds a sense of wonder  
and I wanted to believe  
that I'd get caught up  
when the rage in me subsides_

"The woman I love... she was in an accident..." he felt his throat close up - again. "And... she was hurt really badly... her... boyfriend," he looked to the woman beside him as he said it and saw her eyes flicker to him, but she did not recriminate him. "Uh... he... I don't know - I don't know how much damage was from the crash or..."

"He hit her?"

He nodded and pulled his lips together, flicking his eyes around the room.

"Yeah... a lot." He swatted away a few errant tears with his fingers. "They wouldn't let me work on her... I... I left before I could find out if she lived or not."

"You ran away?"

"I didn't run away," he retorted quickly.

She turned her head and looked at him, her eyes holding only a smile.

"And yet you're here and not with her." He looked away at the truth of her words. "I'm correct in assuming that this woman isn't Abby?" Luka nodded. "And you say you love her?" He nodded again. "Then why are you here?"

Luka waited a beat, brushing his eyes again and then turned to her.

"I don't know what else to do..." He let out a sob and dropped his head into his hands.

He didn't feel embarrassed crying in front of this woman.

"Go to her, be with her."

"What if she isn't there?" He asked, his voice filled with dread.

"Go to that place where you will find her," she told him and Luka let out another sob as his gaze became clouded with tears.

"I don't know how to go there... I don't want to have to go to that place," he whispered through his sobs and turned his head in his hands to look at the woman next to him.

"Find out if you need to before you do. If you have to - just close your eyes and she will be there, in every memory, speaking to you as you remember her best."

_Never grow old..._

Luka stayed in his pew next to Mary for a few moments, then stood slowly, genuflected again and then turned to the old, frail woman next to him.

"Thank you, Mary. Thank you."

He placed his hand on her shoulder as he walked past her and squeezed gently.

"I will pray for her Luka, for you."

Luka nodded at her and left the chapel.

**TBC**


	39. Chapter 38

Carter handed him the chart and he thanked him but didn't look down at the chart. Couldn't.

He kept his eyes trained on her legs, the only thing that he couldn't see of her body. The _hiss-click, hiss-click_ beside him told him that she was breathing, the _beep-beep-beep_ across from him telling him that her heart was beating.

Her face was ashen on the thin pillow below her head, her darker than normal hair spread across the pillow in limp waves. Her eyes were still swollen but less so than they had been before. Her lips were double their normal size, cut and still slightly bloody. Her left cheek was covered in bruises and the tiny patches of skin that had somehow managed to avoid bruising were deathly pale, and veiny. He couldn't see anything from her bosom down as the thick blankets surrounding her stopped his eyes from taking her in.

"Bruises cover most of her body," Carter began speaking, quietly and slowly as though he were talking to patient's husband and not Luka Kovac, trained medical doctor. "She has four broken ribs, three on her left side, one on her right. Her lungs suffered a bit of a bashing in the accident, and are bruised. Her rib nearly lacerated her left lung but just missed it and there is a slight tear in the exterior muscle tissue but it will heal. She has broken her leg in two places, has a hairline fracture to her hip that will heal in about two months - she won't be affected by it." Luka nodded as he stared at her legs. "The most severe injury was her head injury. The pressure was building in her skull so they had drill a hole into her head to alleviate the pressure. She's been hooked up to a machine so we can monitor her brain activity."

Normally, Luka would have scoffed at John for explaining this to him in such simple terms but now he needed to hear it.

John kept looking at Luka who had yet to look at Sam's face since he entered the room, twenty minutes before. He curled his tongue in his mouth and then flicked it out between his teeth. If he hadn't known before, it would now be glaringly obvious to him - Luka Kovac had very, very strong feelings for Samantha Taggert.

"Her output is normal. She hasn't suffered any brain damage. She's still intubated in case there was something that the surgeons missed but they don't think they have." Luka nodded and raised his eyes to John's face. "Corday says that she should wake up some point during the night... and if she doesn't then..."

Luka nodded and looked away, across the room behind John and stared out of the window at the end of the room.

"She's going to be fine Luka."

Luka nodded, slowly and turned back to John and smiled tightly.

"The doctor in me knows that. But the man in me..." he trailed off and John saw that his eyes drifted up her body, to the machines around her and then back to his face. "The man in me looks at all this," he motioned around him and John had to swallow past the lump that jumped into his throat at the pain that his best friend's eyes held. "And wonders how she can be."

John pulled a seat across the floor and sat beside Luka as he kept vigil over Sam's bedside.

"They did a rape kit," John said uncertainly and Luka snapped his head to him.

"Oh God..."

"They found semen and they're doing DNA testing."

John could see Luka's face pale slightly as he looked away and raised his thumbnail to his lips and began nibbling on it slightly.

"There was vaginal trauma," he continued and looked away from the look of pain on Luka's face. "There was a lot of bleeding as well - too much to be from the vaginal tears... she had a miscarriage."

Luka froze and felt the blood leave his face and his arms and plummet to his feet that fell from their resting place on the bottom rung of the gurney.

"She was pregnant?"

"Yeah... she probably didn't even know; it was only about three or four weeks - way too small. She couldn't have known. She was going to have that bastard's baby."

John watched as Luka leaned forward onto his knees and screwed his eyes shut.

"I did this to her," he muttered into his hands and John sat up straight, in shock.

"What?"

"I... went to see her earlier, before all of this happened. I shouldn't have done it... I shouldn't have gone... I think I saw him when I left, standing around the corner... but I... I don't know... I was just too..."

"Luka..." John started but trailed off, not knowing what to say. Heaving in a sigh he filled his lungs with air before exhaling it slowly into the air around him. "Luka... when they do a DNA trace... is it going to be a match to yours?" John asked, not knowing how else to ask the man in front of him if he had slept with Sam before she left.

Luka nodded but then stopped and turned sharply to John and stared at him.

"I didn't rape her John."

"I know!" John said quickly, realising that his words had implied that. "You would never do that... but Luka... Why?"

Luka was silent and John was caught between disgust at his friend for cheating on Abby, jealousy because Luka had had Sam and John hadn't and pity for the state the man before him was in.

"Why, Luka?"

"I couldn't let her leave without saying goodbye. We... we broke up last week and-"

"You were having an affair!" John almost shouted as he stood up from his seat. He watched as Luka nodded. "How long?" He asked bluntly, his voice devoid of emotion.

Luka had cheated on Abby. Luka had _cheated_ on Abby.

"About four or five... months."

John threw his hands up in the air and fumbled for words to say. Coming short, he simply stared at the man who used to be his best friend.

"So there is a chance that that baby is..."

Luka shrugged, fanning his fingers out from under his chin and couldn't bring himself to look at John.

"Did you use protection?" John asked incredulously, dipping his chin into his chest and staring at Luka.

He saw Luka's sheepish eyes turn to him and he sighed.

"I think there was once..."

"When you didn't?"

"When we did..."

John threw his hands into the air again and tried to find words to say.

"For God sake, Luka! You're a doctor, what were you thinking? You know the risks of not using protection!"

"She was on the pill!"

John laughed incredulously and spun around in an exasperated circle.

"Everyone knows that that is not one hundred per cent effective!"

He watched as Luka threw his hands up to his face and dragged them across his eyes.

"I know..."

"I can't believe you, Luka. I thought I knew you, I thought you were a man of honour... now? Now I don't know what to think..."

With that John pivoted on his heel and left the room.

Once he was outside the room, he leaned against the wall and breathed deeply. He couldn't believe Luka had cheated on Abby. Sam and Abby were friends, for crying out loud. He dragged his own hand across his face then pushed off of the wall and made for the elevators to take him back down to the ER and to an insanity that was sane than what he had just experienced.  
**  
TBC**


	40. Chapter 39

"Doctor Kovac?"

Luka looked up at the intruder and sighed tiredly. He knew that this was coming, he'd expected it - but he still wasn't ready for it.

"Yeah?" He muttered around his fingers that were clenched together in front of his lips.

"Can I ask you a few questions?" Luka nodded. "Outside?"

Luka looked at Sam's face and was torn - he didn't want to leave her side.

"Is it okay if we stay here? She should wake up soon and I just..."

He heard the police officer take a breath and then nod.

"My name is Officer Sanders. And I'm sorry about having to ask these questions, and I am sorry that you have to go through this."

Luka looked up to the female officer who had her hair tied back into a bun and had a notepad and pen in her hand. Turning slightly, he saw that her partner was standing outside the door, keeping watch over the corridor.

"Have a seat," Luka said politely, indicating the chair that was still sitting next to him since Carter had ran off an hour before.

"So... It is my understanding that you left the hospital at around three pm this afternoon, is that correct?" Luka nodded and turned his eyes back to Sam. "And where did you go?"

Luka sighed and dropped his head into his hand a scrubbed at his face.

"I went to Sam's."

"Why?"

Luka licked his lips and looked out at the door again. It was only the police officer standing.

"I had to try and stop her from going. We had received a phone call from her, telling us that she was leaving and... I had to see her," Luka murmured and he spoke slowly, watching as she jotted down his words.

"What transpired once you reached the apartment?"

Luka bit his lip and rubbed his hands together then dropped them onto his thighs.

"I tried to get her to stay - but she didn't. So... we said goodbye."

"And by 'said goodbye' you mean..?"

Luka expelled a breath of air and turned to the officer and pursed his lips.

"We had sex," he said bluntly, nodding slightly.

"Was it consensual?" Luka laughed slightly at that and nodded his head. "Are you sure?" Luka nodded again. "Okay... and what happened after that?"

Luka scrubbed his face again, pulling his eyelids down slightly to allow his eyes to breathe. He felt as though his eyelids were sandpaper and every time he closed them, his eyes were scratched. What he wouldn't give for his tear ducts to produce some moisture right now.

"We talked for a couple of minutes... I basically told her that I'd never forget about her, she made some joke about living in celibacy... and then I left."

_The hardest thing I've ever had to do..._

"What time was this at?"

Luka thought about it and looked at the watch on his wrist. 0145.

"God... I don't know... about four thirty? Maybe a little earlier? I can't remember."

He saw her nod from the corner of his eye and he closed his eyes and scratched them over his eyelids.

"And where did you go after that?" The officer asked politely and Luka opened his eyes again and looked at her, his eyes were seriously beginning to nip now.

She was actually quite pretty. A little young but pretty. Her deep sallow skin seemed to be glowing, her dark eyes contrasting well with her hair. Luka shook his head against these thoughts and looked away.

"I drove back here, parked the car in the parking lot, went over to the Jumbo-Mart across the street and got a coffee. I sat there for a while just thinking then I came back across here, met the ambulance at the bay and..." he trailed off and his hand involuntarily reached up to Sam. "Then I went to the St John's Chapel and then came here."

There was silence for a few moments and then Luka heard her stand up.

"Thank you for your time, Doctor Kovac," she said and nodded in his direction but he didn't look at her and he waited until he heard the door to the room close before he dropped his head onto the metal rail guard.

_"A shell, Luka. Because of you."_

This was his fault.

_I've been watching your world from afar,  
I've been trying to be where you are..._

Abby stood outside the room, in silence, watching through the window. He looked dead. She reached her hand up and scratched her nose as she sniffed.

She felt someone walk up beside her and she turned to see Elizabeth Corday take up residence at her side.

The hallways of ICU were silent, a few nurses milling around with nothing much to do.

"How is she doing?" Abby asked quietly as she swiped at her nose again.

"I was hoping she would have woken up by now," Corday replied, just as quietly as she crossed her arms in front of her chest, her long scrub coat blowing slightly behind her at the motion causing the only motion in the barren hallways. "She's fine on the whole. But the longer she's down... the more that we should worry that there is something we missed. With a head trauma like that, who knows? There didn't seem to be any serious bruising on the CT but... who knows?"

Abby sighed and nodded, dropping her head forward onto the glass gently.

She could see that Luka was in another world; his eyes open but distant, glazed, staring just over Sam's body, his hand resting near the side of Sam's torso. She felt an ache envelope her chest as she watched him.

"He's lost so much in his life already - he shouldn't have to lose her, too," she muttered as she lifted her head off the glass that had fogged under her breath.

She saw Corday swing her hips so she was looking at her.

"I'm sorry, Abby; I didn't know you guys had split up..."

Abby turned to her and smiled tightly, but didn't say anything.

Turning back to the view before her, she reached her hand out to the side of her and turned the doorknob.

"I'm going to go in and see him."

Corday nodded, placed her hand on Abby's shoulder and walked away.

Abby walked in slowly and then closed the door behind her. She saw Luka turn his eyes to her slowly and then watched as he winced painfully at the sight of her.

"You're in love with her, aren't you?"

He didn't deny it; he simply looked away and nodded.

"I knew - I always knew. I just didn't want to see it."

"I'm sorry, Abby..."

She shook her head and moved closer to the bed, her eyes on Sam, her arms folded in front of her chest.

"Don't be sorry for being happy." Luka turned to her with a pained expression on his features and he dragged his hand down his face. She took a deep breath and continued. "It's funny... cause I'm not mad. I'm just... upset that you didn't tell me sooner."

Luka looked back to her and Abby pursed her lips, her eyes dropping from his and she fiddled with the pocket of her white lab coat.

"Sam's mother is on her way down from Elgin, she should be here in about an hour."

Luka nodded and dropped his hands from his face. 

"You should get some sleep, Luka." She knew it was a futile attempt and when she saw him shake her head, she smiled to herself.

"I just... I don't think I can lose her, Abby."

Abby looked at him, trying to keep the hurt from her eyes, as he shook his head, his Adam's apple rising high up in his throat as he swallowed. It was painful for her to hear him speak of another woman like that. To see him look at one of her friends like that.

"How long?" She asked eventually, reaching her hand up and playing with her ponytail.

Her hands were _actually_ shaking.

She saw him shake his head and look at her.

"Abby..."

"I want to know, Luka."

She was masochist, she decided. Why else would she want him to answer her?

He was silent, pleading with her to desist. She didn't back down and he sighed.

"Four months..."

Abby looked down and drew her cheeks in between her teeth and closed her eyes as she felt the weight in her chest double.

"I'm sorry, Abby," he whispered and watched her and Abby finally lifted her head and looked directly into his eyes. Deep, azure, pained eyes that she had once been able to call beautiful. Now almost dead and empty.

"I'm glad you found someone you could take home at night, Luka - I just wish it had been me, it was a part of your life you would never let me into..." she choked out and Luka stood and moved towards her.

Reaching his hand out to touch her, he decided on pulling her into a hug.

"I did love you, Abby, I still do," he told her as he rubbed his hand up and down her back in what he hoped was a comforting gesture.

"I know, Luka... you were just never_ in love _with me," she muttered into his chest as she nodded her head. They stayed that way for a few minutes and then Abby heaved a sigh and pulled back from him, taking her arms from around his waist. "Thank you, Luka."

Luka looked at her, shocked and raised his eyebrow.

"For what?" He asked, hugging himself.

"Even when you were with Sam... you always made me feel loved. You always treated me well."

Luka opened his mouth to say something but stopped and simply nodded.

Abby waited for a few minutes and then nodded at him, gestured to Sam and said:

"Tell her I said hi and I'll come back up and see her when she wakes up."

Luka nodded and watched as Abby left the room.

When she reached the door, she opened it and stepped out, pausing before she closed the door and heard him murmur to Sam, switching flawlessly between Croatian and English.

"Mon dragi, I'm sorry... Volim te."

She turned slightly and saw him leaning over Sam's head and press a kiss to her forehead before resting his own against hers.

She closed the door and walked away. When she rounded the corner, she saw Susan step out of the elevator and she waved to her.

Susan, seeing the distress Abby was in, held the elevator door open and ushered Abby inside and waited for the doors to close.

"How are you Abby?" She asked as she pressed the emergency stop button to allow them some privacy.

Abby looked at her friend for a few seconds, felt her legs begin to weaken, her chest begin to heave and she covered her face as tears spilled over her eyelids.

"I feel like I'm falling apart..."

Falling into Susan's chest, she wept.

_And I've been secretly falling apart…_

**TBC**

Song used it AquaLung - Strange and Beautiful


	41. Chapter 40

Jocelyn stepped into the room and saw her daughter hooked up to various machines, a rhythmical beeping the only sound that violated the silence and she moved closer to the bed.

The nurse had told her that someone would be in to explain to her what had happened and that, even though it looked awful, Sam was going to be all right, they just needed her to wake up.

Looking around, she knew that someone else had been in the room, the two chairs pulled up to the side of the bed, the almost empty cup of coffee sitting on the bedside cabinet. Jocelyn slumped into one of the seats and leaned her elbows on her knees and looked at her daughter.

She looked like hell.

She would kill that bastard for doing this to her.

When Sam hadn't shown up in Elgin at the arranged time, she had worried and called her mobile and when there was no answer, she worried more. And then she had received the phone call from a Doctor Lewis at County General and she had fled her house, swung by the golf course, picked up her husband and drove down to Chicago to see her daughter.

Samuel Taggert was in the city, trying to find a hotel to stay in and would then be on his way to the hospital.

The door behind her opened and she turned to see a young, brown haired man, wearing scrubs and a white lab coat enter the room and move towards her.

"Hi, I'm Doctor John Carter... I was actually looking for Doctor Kovac..?" He said as he looked about, his brown eyes trying to seek out the elusive doctor.

"Oh... Luka isn't here," she murmured as she looked at her daughter lying motionless on the bed before her.

John started slightly at the use of Kovac's first name and he frowned.

"You know him?" He watched her shake her head slightly.

"I know _of_ him." John nodded. "Do you know what happened to her?"

John nodded slightly and took another step closer to her.

"Yeah."

"Can you tell me?"

John sighed.

"I think it'd be best if Doctor Corday did, she was the surgeon who operated on her," John spoke quietly, afraid that speaking too loud would wake Sam - but from he heard that wouldn't be a bad thing.

"Please..." Jocelyn pleaded, her voice strained and thin.

John nodded and began speaking.

"She has bruises covering most of her body..."

He continued, in the same manner he had when he had told Luka and he could see Jocelyn get more and more distressed as he continued. Then he came to the part that he dreaded the most.

"She was raped, Mrs Taggert. And... uh... she had a miscarriage..."

Jocelyn snapped her head around at that and stared at John with wide eyes.

"She didn't tell me..."

John shook his head and reached his hand out to cover Jocelyn's and looked up at her again.

"She probably didn't know..."

Beside them, the monitor started beeping more erratically and John snapped his head towards Sam and saw that her blood pressure had sky rocketed, her eyes were open, she was crying and jerking around - a lot.

He jumped up from his seat and flew to her side, pressing down on her shoulder to stop her from causing injury to her already fragile ribs.

"Sam, you have to calm down or you're going to injure yourself." To Jocelyn he said: "Go into the corridor and get one of the nurses to page Doctor Corday." Turning back to Sam he eased his grip a little when he felt her settle down but her pressure was still through the roof and her eyes were jumping around wildly. "Sam, you're intubated," he said and saw her attempt to roll her eyes at his obvious statement. "Okay... stating the obvious," he smiled at her and saw more tears trickle down the side of her eyes. "Did you hear what I told your mother?"

She nodded as much as she could and John stroked her forehead gently, attempting to calm her down but he knew that was she needed was not _his _touch.

"I'm sorry, Sam... do you want me to go find Luka?"

He saw her shake her head and close her eyes. He frowned.

"Well hey there, Sam," Corday said brightly as she appeared at John's side and John moved away from her as Corday looked her over. "You gave us all a pretty big scare when you wouldn't wake up," she said as she shone a light into Sam's eyes and watched as the pupils contracted normally. "I think we can take the tube out," Corday said and looked back to Carter. "Maybe you could take Mrs Taggert and get Sam some ice chips?"

Carter looked at Corday, then at Sam and nodded, putting his hand on Jocelyn's elbow and walking her out of the door.

"She's going to be okay."

"Okay, Sam, you know the drill - one, two, three," Corday said as she pulled the tube from Sam's throat and Sam coughed.

When she lay back onto now elevated bed, she coughed again and Corday put a vomit tray in front of her to catch the droplets of blood that flew from her mouth.

"Don't worry, Sam. That's just from the surgery... it'll happen a couple of times."

Sam coughed some more and Corday could see tears jump into her eyes as she clutched at her bandaged ribs.

Eventually, she leaned back onto pillow and stared up at the ceiling, her eyes a dull void.

"Do you know what happened?"

Sam nodded.

"Do you want me to call Luka for you?"

Sam shook her head.

"Do you want me to call anyone?"

Sam shook her head again.

"Is there anything I can do for you?"

"I don't want to see anyone... just the nurses who have to look after me. And close the blinds over the window," Sam answered dully, her eyes not meeting Corday's as she concentrated on a grey dot in the centre of the ceiling.

"Okay... you know where the button is..." She walked towards the door and opened it. "What do you want me to tell your mother?"

Sam didn't say anything.

_Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?  
Can the child within my heart rise above?  
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?  
Can I handle the seasons of my life?  
I took my love and took it down  
I climbed a mountain, I turned around  
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills  
The landslide brought it down_

**TBC**


	42. Chapter 41

"Have you seen Luka?" Carter asked as he walked up to admit, speaking to anyone who would listen to him.

He saw Abby turn to him, her eyes red rimmed and swollen. He walked over to her and placed his hand on her arm.

"I'm sorry, Abby," he said and squeezed her arm gently.

"Did you know?" She asked but there was no accusation in her tone - just curiosity. 

John looked down at his feet for a second then looked back up to her, his hand sliding from her arm.

"He never actually told me... but I knew... all you had to do was look at them..." he said, his words scathing but his tone gentle.

Abby pursed her lips, pulled them between her teeth and dropped her gaze to the floor.

She scoffed slightly and John reached out to her again but she shrugged his hand away.

"I was so... _stupid_."

"You weren't stupid, Abby. You guys were good when you were with him," John soothed but Abby's flash of anger shocked him.

"Yeah... when _I_ was with _him_. Not when _we_ were _together_. I like how you put that, Carter," Abby said icily and pushed her finger into her eye as she took a deep breath.

"I didn't mean it like that."

Abby sighed and dropped her hand.

"I know. And no, I haven't seen him."

John nodded and watched her walk away. He could kill Luka sometimes.

- -  
_  
One Week Later_

"Sam, come on honey, talk to me," Jocelyn urged as she sat, perched on the edge of Sam's bed.

But Sam wouldn't even look at her. She was too mortified to even look at herself in the mirror. She had been raped. She felt disgusting. Broken. Violated. Damaged.

A shell.

"Sam?"

Jocelyn leaned in front of her daughter, the first time she had been allowed in to see her for a week and saw that her daughter's face was sullen, pale and gaunt.

Sighing, Jocelyn leaned back as she realised that her daughter was not going to respond to any exterior stimuli. 

"I saw Luka yesterday," she said and she smiled when she saw her daughter's eyes dip at the mention of his name.

It was more than she had gotten in the last half an hour.

"He stonewalled me too."

Sam turned slowly to her mother and looked her dead in the eye and Jocelyn shivered automatically at the coldness of her stare.

"I'm a failure," Sam muttered and then looked away from her mother again and trained her vision on the closed blinds of the private room she was in.

Jocelyn swallowed some saliva in an attempt to dampen her suddenly parched mouth before she spoke to Sam.

"You're not a failure, Sam," she chided gently.

Sam snapped her head towards her mother and shook her head.

"I lost his child," she said bluntly, loudly and Jocelyn jerked slightly when Sam lurched forward but fell back onto the bed as she winced in pain as she gripped her ribs.

"You want me to get someone to give you something?" Jocelyn asked, standing up and leaning over Sam.

Sam shook her head.

The room was once again filled with silence and Sam breathed loudly, trying to send the pain away.

"You don't know that it was his," Jocelyn managed eventually but Sam said nothing. "You didn't even know you were pregnant, Sam. Even if you did... it wouldn't have changed anything."

Sam rolled slowly onto her side so she was facing her mother and she reached her hand up to her nose and scratched it lightly. She let her hand drop slightly and began worrying her thumbnail with her teeth.

Jocelyn watched as Sam's eyes clouded over as she disappeared into another world, another life.

She didn't know what to do. Everything she said seemed to be the wrong thing. Seeing Luka the day before had been an accident. She was in the local market buying some coffee and he had been there.

He had said hello to her and that had been the extent of it.

He had looked like hell. She had been told by Doctor Carter that Luka hadn't been in to work at all that week and no one had been able to get in contact with him. She had worried, especially after the state she had seen him in. His hair was long, awry and greasy looking, his face pale, cheekbones jutting out more than was normal for a healthy individual, his cart filled with a bottle of whiskey and a loaf of bread.

It was all the proof she needed that this man was in love with her daughter. And it was tearing him apart. She had been able to see from the thirty second meeting with him in the bread aisle that he blamed himself for what had happened to Sam.

"I don't think I can see him again..." Sam murmured and tucked her tired head into the pillow.

"Why?"

Sam opened her eyes again and rubbed at her eyebrow.

"I killed his family. He shouldn't have to see me."

Jocelyn scoffed and stood up.

"That's what you've been doing this past week? Drowning yourself in self-pity? Come on, Sam! You didn't kill anyone! Steve did, that bastard is the reason you are in here!"

"If I hadn't slept with Luka, Steve would never have needed to lash out like he did!"

"So now you're defending him?" Jocelyn shrieked and thrust her hands onto her hips.

"No!"

The two almost identical women stared at each other until eventually Sam looked away and shook her head.

"I want you to leave."

"Sam... come on," Jocelyn said as she dropped her hands from her hips and attempted to reach out to Sam.

"I said leave."

Jocelyn stared at her daughter again and then shook her head and grabbed her bag from the chair before leaving the room.

- -  
_  
One week after that..._

Luka stared out across the city, swinging his legs back and forward, his heels grating off the granite wall of his building. The temperature in his room had risen to a new level of high and now Luka was sitting on his window sill, his legs hanging out the window, as the midnight moon glazed Chicago in its pale rays. 

The air around was hinting at spring, the fresh smell in the air, the pleasant midnight air moist and cooling but not chilling. He could smell newness in the air.

Inside his apartment, in the bedroom behind him, he could hear his phone ringing but he ignored it. Just like he'd ignored it for the past two weeks. He'd be surprised if he still had a job. But he didn't care.

He had did this to Sam.

If he hadn't insisted that they carry out there sordid affair, she would never have been in her current situation. He had promised her he would never hurt her and yet he had, more than he had ever thought possible.

The police still hadn't found Steve and Luka hoped that they did before he did. He wasn't sure he could see the man who killed his child - he just _knew_ it was his - and almost killed Sam.

He felt guilty. He was mourning over the loss of a child he hadn't even known about but had grown to love in the two weeks since he had found out Sam had lost it. He was mourning the loss of this unborn, unknown child with the same intensity that he had mourned the loss of his entire family. 

"... about Sam, call the hospital as soon as you get this... she needs you Luka."

Luka turned to the familiar voice of Elizabeth Corday playing over the answering machine and he swung his legs back into his apartment and let his feet land on the carpet of his bedroom.

He didn't know if he could see her - _he_ had did this to her.

_"She needs you Luka"_

He stood for a second looking at the machine and then picked up his jacket.

That line would get him every time.

**TBC**


	43. Chapter 42

Luka walked down the corridor to where he saw the English doctor, Elizabeth Corday, standing speaking with one of the ICU nurses. She turned and Luka saw that her features dropped slightly when she saw him and he rolled his eyes behind his eyelids.

"Luka," she greeted him as they approached one another and Luka nodded at her. "We've been trying to call you for over a week..." She trailed off, hoping for an explanation. She didn't receive one and sighed. "I'm surprised you haven't been in."

"I've been busy," he mumbled as he thrust his hands into his pockets and followed her to an empty bay.

They both stood at the side of the empty bed and crossed their arms in front of their chests. 

Elizabeth couldn't believe the sight before her. Luka's hair was covering his ears, greasy. His eyes were sullen, dark and empty. His cheeks were hollow, his neck bones protruding sharply. His clothes hung loose on him, his hips shown to her when he thrust his hands into his pockets again and his jacket flew away at the sides. 

"So... what's the problem?" He asked and she could hear the tiredness in him ooze out in that sentence.

She wondered how he had managed to drive to the hospital in safety without nodding off at the wheel.

Clearing her throat, she looked down for a second and then back up at him.

"Sam will be discharged at the beginning of next week," she told him vaguely.

"That's good," he said and she noted how he had somehow managed to make it sound like a question.

She nodded and shuffled on her feet.

"She wants to go back up to her mother's," she spoke quietly, slowly as though Luka wouldn't understand the words she was saying.

Luka bit the inside of his bottom lip and raised his eyebrow, nodding to Elizabeth.

"And..?"

Corday looked at him for a second and then dropped her gaze again. This wasn't the Luka Kovac that she knew. The man she knew wouldn't have left Sam's bedside until he was sure she was going to be okay, not standing in front of her looking like death warmed up asking her why Sam travelling was a bad thing. He should be practically carrying Sam through the doors to his apartment.

"She's unfit for travel, well for travel that far - and her apartment is still a crime scene, the poli-"

"No."

Elizabeth drew her eyebrows together and scrunched up her nose up as she stared at him in disbelief.

He couldn't let her be in his presence anymore. All he had did to her was cause her harm. The last thing she needed was for him to be the one to look after her. He'd probably end up killing her.

"Luka, she has nowhere else to go."

Luka shook his head and clasped his hands together in front of him, raising them in front of his chest then flattening his fingers out against one another.

"Have you asked her if she wants to live with me?"

Elizabeth looked down and shook her head causing a curl to fall in front of her eye.

"No."

"Then how do you know she will? I mean, she has every reason to hate me, why would she want to live with me?"

Elizabeth raised her head at that and stared at him in horror.

"Is _that_ what you have been busy with? Self-pity? Oh, Kovac, _please_!" She threw a hand up into the air, narrowly missing his chest and Luka cocked his jaw at her.

"It's not self-pity. It's the truth."

"Oh please."

"Look, I said no. Find somewhere else," he told her harshly and attempted to step past her but she blocked his path.

"Why are you so reluctant to have her in your apartment? Are you cheating on _her _now?"

She saw the fire erupt in Luka's eyes and she saw his jaw tighten as he stared down at her, his stance almost threatening.

"I said no."

He pushed past her and Elizabeth stumbled slightly and was too surprised to be able to do anything other than stare at his back as he stalked down the halls of the ICU, walking straight past Sam's room without even glancing in at her.

"And you say you _love_ her," she shouted down the corridor, eventually finding her tongue and she smiled smugly when she saw him stop abruptly.

- -

"Luka will be here in about an hour to pick us up," Jocelyn said to her daughter as she stepped into her room.

Sam froze at the mention of his name. Him coming to pick her up.

"What?" She asked, her voice louder than she had anticipated.

Jocelyn smiled innocently at her as she began to open drawers and empty Sam's belongings into a bag.

"I thought we were going home?" Sam asked as she grabbed onto the crutches at the side of her bed and hobbled over to her mother's side.

She found it funny that her crutch was multi-coloured, having been taken from the children's ward so that it would fit her petite form. The _only_ thing that she could laugh at that moment in time.

"You are," Jocelyn smiled at Sam's confused face but tried to hide it. "With Luka."

Sam stuck her bottom jaw out and ground her teeth together slightly as she glared at her mother.

"And when was this decided?" She asked as she hobbled over to the other side of the room.

God, she felt like Kerry Weaver.

"Uh... last week?"

Sam gawked at that.

"I haven't even seen him. Where the hell was I?" Sam asked and raised her hand, realised her crutch was attached to said hand and dropped it back to the ground.

"Uh... asleep probably. He didn't come in, he just spoke to Corday and then went home," Jocelyn stated matter-of-factly.

She folded up a pair of jeans that Sam had insisted she allow the police to give her because there was no way she was travelling in a hospital gown. But the officer had been kind enough to give Jocelyn a pile of Sam's clothes and allow her to go in and remove some underwear from one of the boxes that were still piled at the front of the sofa in the lounge.

"I can't believe him," Sam muttered under her breath as she clicked back over to Jocelyn's side and leaned against the bed. "He wants me to live with him? God, he's a masochist. Why? Why does he want me in his house?"

Jocelyn turned to Sam and raised her eyebrow.

"I thought we'd gotten past this Sam?" She said as she reached out and touched her daughter's arm. "This wasn't your fault."

Sam rolled her eyes and nodded before walking around to the other side of the bed. The sound of her crutches drowned out all other noise in the room. She perched herself up on the bed and reached down to lift her cast leg onto the bed along with her.

When she was sitting up on the bed, she froze as she saw the person standing at the entrance of the room.

"Luka!" Jocelyn said enthusiastically as Sam and Luka stared at each other.

He looked like he hadn't slept at all in days. But he looked good. She hated how he did that. He wore a light blue shirt and a simple pair of black trousers. His cheeks looked freshly shaved, his skin tanned, his eyes dark. His hair was - different. 

"You're early."

"Have you straightened your hair?"

Jocelyn and Sam asked at the same time and Luka dipped his head slightly, lifting his hand to his hair.

"I was at the hair stylist, so I just thought I'd come here as soon as I left," he said to Jocelyn but still managed to answer Sam's question.

Damn, he looked good with his hair like that, Sam noted and chastised herself: she had to stop thinking about him like that, they were _over_.

"Are you ready to go?" He asked again and Sam looked away from him and concentrated on getting off the bed.

When she felt his hand on her shoulder, she stiffened and shrank away from it - she hadn't had a man touch her since Steve... apart from Carter but she really couldn't have stopped him at that point.

He removed his hand quickly and pulled away from her, taking a step away from the bed.

"Yep," Jocelyn answered his earlier question as she zipped up Sam's duffel bag.

"Here, let me take that," Luka said as he reached his hand out, trying not to turn to Sam when he heard her curse under her breath when her foot hit the floor with a dull _thud_.

"No, it's fine," Jocelyn smiled and nodded to Sam. "You can help Sam for me."

She had moved away before Luka could protest and, slowly, he turned to see Sam shooting a glare at the now empty doorway.

He hated that look in her eyes. Even _she_ blamed him for what had happened.

Why had he agreed to this again?

He saw her reach for her crutches and he tried to repress a smile when he saw that they were from paediatrics. He let her walk a few steps and then he reached out and put his hand on her back to guide her out of the room and down the hall but she shied away again.

He clenched his fingers up and hovered them over her back for a second then dropped it, letting out a sigh.

"Žao mi je, Sam," he said as he walked closely behind her.

**TBC**


	44. Chapter 43

Luka rolled onto his side and pulled the blanket closer around his body as it slid around on the leather of his couch. Sighing, he lifted his arm up and looked at the silver watch on his wrist: 8.15. No wonder he couldn't get to sleep.

Sam had been out of hospital for four days now and had still not had a conversation with him. She would answer his questions about her well-being and tell him that no, she didn't need anything. He hadn't been able to sleep well at all, knowing that she was just up the stairs in his bed. His mind wouldn't seem to calm. Her distance from him only confirmed what he had known all along - she blamed him.

Jocelyn was asleep in the spare bedroom that he had made up. She had protested at first but he had reasoned with her, telling her that Sam would need someone because she was unwilling to talk to him. He could tell that Jocelyn was trying to get the two to talk to each other and sometimes he couldn't help but laugh at her attempts to be his mother too: she would make him his dinner, lunch or breakfast when it got to the point where it seemed Luka was not going to make it for himself.

_"Well, we can't have you looking after my daughter if you won't look after yourself."_

He turned again and eventually settled for lying on his back, staring emptily at the ceiling. The last time he had slept on the sofa, he had been with Sam - and even then, they hadn't did much _sleeping_.

Groaning, he lifted his arm again and looked at his watch: 8.21. Oh great. He'd managed to pass a whole six minutes.

He sat up and flipped on the TV, after he heard the water pipes creak as Sam turned on one of the taps in the bathroom. He had heard her complaining to Jocelyn about how she hated not being able to take a shower, and had to be assisted in the bath.

Luka tried not to think of how much he wanted to assist her in the bath.

The pipes stopped creaking and he heard the dull thud of her crutch as she moved about in the room on the floor above him. He tilted his head back on the sofa and groaned.

The doorbell buzzed and he let out a sigh. Finally, a distraction.

He stood from the sofa and pulled his hands through his hair, attempting to flatten it and moved towards the door. When he opened it, what he saw there shocked him and he started.

"_We're_ here to see Sam," Susan said as she indicated her and Abby.

"And I'm here to see you," John said as he smiled at Luka.

Luka stood for a few seconds and then shook himself as he stepped away from the door and allowed them entrance to his house. As they walked towards the lounge, he saw Abby's eyes drift to the sofa towards his make-shift bed and he looked away from her eyes when she turned questioningly to him.

Reaching his hand up to his neck he scratched it lightly and smiled slightly.

"I'll uh..." he dropped his hand and pointed in the direction of the stairs. "Go see if she's up."

He walked away from them and slowly climbed the stairs, heading towards the bedroom.

Knocking on the door gently with his knuckle, he waited until he heard her voice telling him to "Come in", before he reached down and grabbed onto the handle. He realised that his hand was shaking.

He stepped in and looked at her, lying underneath the covers on her side of the bed, one knee bent, reading a book. He just watched her for a few seconds, basking in the beauty she wore so easily before clearing his throat and dipping his eyes.

"Hey," he murmured and he saw her eyes turn to him and he smiled lightly, letting go of the door handle and crossing his arms in front of his belly. "Uh... Susan and Abby are downstairs - they want to see you."

He watched as her face paled slightly and he saw her grip on the book loosen and a few pages turned back. Her head dropped slightly as she breathed in a deep breath and then turned to him again.

He could see that she was scared.

"I..." she cleared her throat when her words caught there and he reached up and rubbed at his eyebrow. "I haven't spoken to Abby since..."

Luka nodded and moved to the edge of the bed, staring down at the fluorescent pink cast that was sticking out from underneath the covers.

"I spoke to her at the hospital," Luka told her.

This was the most they had said in a conversation for the past four days. He wasn't about to risk that by allowing his hand to reach out and touch her - every time he did, she would shy away and close off from him. It was so hard to see her in pain and not be able to let her know he was there.

_Not like she wants you there, Kovac,_ his brain supplied and he shook his head slightly.

"Do you want me to tell them you're asleep?" He asked gently, one hand dropping down to trace a pattern on the soft white covers.

He saw her shake her head and sigh.

"No... I just... no."

Luka nodded and moved back towards the door.

"I'll be downstairs if you need anything," he said. "And Jocelyn is asleep but I can wake her up if you want?"

Sam shook her head and he nodded his.

"Thanks, Luka."

He shivered at her use of his name and left the room.

"Do you want a drink?"

John shook his head as he sat on the armchair at the side of the sofa. He took in the pillow and the blanket and looked up at Luka, who was standing at the dining table on the platform above the lounge.

"Uh... coke or something?" he said and Luka nodded.

When he came back, John took the cold can of diet coke and raised his eyebrow at it.

"Diet?"

Luka smiled slightly and lowered himself onto the sofa, stretching one leg across it.

"It's the only thing that Sam and Jocelyn drink," he shrugged and sipped at his can.

"How is she?" John asked after a lengthy silence passed between the two would-be friends.

He saw Luka drop his head and he knew that what was coming next would not be good. He sank back into the comfort of the chair and tried to make himself comfortable.

_-_

"I'm fine, how are you guys?" Sam asked as she was flanked by the two women, Susan on her right side, Abby on her left.

She fiddled with the edge of the comforter and looked up nervously at Abby.

"Well, I am absolutely shattered with me having to do my shifts and cover half of Kovac's," Susan complained light heartedly and Sam smiled up at her sympathetically. "Ach, who am I kidding? I'm loving the extra cash at the end of the month," she grinned and Sam and Abby laughed.

There was a silence and then Abby sat up straighter and laughed slightly.

"I'm all right," she said with a smile and Sam couldn't bring her eyes up to her face.

Sam pulled herself into a straighter position and winced at the jostling in her ribs but breathed past the pain. She saw Abby and Susan look at her in concern but she waved away their concern.

"Abby... I'm really sorry."

Abby snapped her head up and looked at Sam, her face momentarily devoid of emotion, until she smiled sadly and reached her hand out and covered Sam's knee - or where her knee would be if it wasn't covered in plaster.

"Don't be," she said and smiled at Sam. There was silence again and Abby fought for words to say. "How is Luka doing?"

"You look a lot better than the last time I saw you," John told Luka honestly.

His face had gained back a lot of its weight, his cheeks no longer as hollow as they had been. His hair, although mussed from lying on it, was short and kempt. His trousers were fitting well and he didn't look _as_ tired.

Luka laughed but it was a hollow sound.

"Jocelyn has been feeding me up," he smiled and sipped from his drink then reached out to put it on the coffee table.

"She's been around?" John asked, surprised.

"She's actually staying here, she's in the spare bedroom," Luka informed him and John tilted his head, raised his eyebrow and looked at Luka confused. "To help Sam," Luka sighed and waved his hand in front of his face.

"So... how are you actually doing?"

Luka sighed and scrubbed his face with his hand and then looked at John tiredly.

How _was_ he doing? Even he didn't know.

"Oh, I don't know. Sometimes I think it would be easier if she had just left and went upstate with Jocelyn. I... she won't let me touch her," he complained tiredly and John nodded.

"Well, that's understandable Luka, she's been raped."

Luka shook his head and pursed his lips.

"Not like that," he mended. "She won't let me help her sit up or... or anything. She won't let me help her and... it's _so_ hard."

"I feel so... I don't know. Unworthy. It's like... I..." Sam looked at the two women beside her who were sitting with their legs crossed, watching her as she struggled with her words. "I made him lose another family," she said eventually.

Susan pulled back slightly and looked to Abby whose face was expressionless but her eyes were filled with such deep anguish that Susan wanted to pick her up and carry her out of the room. She was so proud of Abby for being there though, for suggesting that they come and see Sam. It was more than she would have been able to do.

"You were pregnant?" She asked, her voice squeaky.

Sam nodded and fiddled with a strand of hair that was floating around in front of her eye.

"I didn't even know..."

"So, how is this your fault?" Abby asked, bluntly but gently, her fingers reaching up to Sam's arm and rubbing it soothingly.

"I... I don't know. But I just feel as though I don't deserve him. God, how can he still want to touch me after what happened?"

"I don't blame her for not letting me touch her. It's my fault she's in this mess. If I hadn't gone to see her - hell, if I hadn't kissed her that first night - none of this would have happened. She would never have been carrying my child. She would never have been caught cheating by Steve. That bastard would never have almost killed her. I... I hate myself for this."

John sat in silence, staring at his tortured friend. Why was God punishing him in such a manner? Hadn't he suffered enough without having to struggle through this?

"Luka... this," he gestured with his hand. "Isn't your fault."

Luka shook his head.

"I can't help but feel that it is. Everything that happened, happened because we were having an affair. She would never have wanted to leave if I hadn't ended it. I would never have had to go and try and convince her to stay. Steve would never have seen me coming out of their apartment... it all stems back to me."

John leaned forward onto his knees and stared hard at Luka.

"This isn't your fault Luka. Yes you were having an affair and maybe that's why she ended up pregnant - but you didn't hit her. You didn't rape her. You didn't chase her in your car and barge her off the road," he stated firmly, daring Luka to contradict him.

He leaned back after a moment, taking his coke in his grip and sliding further into the chair.

"Has she pressed charges?"

"Yeah... the police were in practically as soon as I'd woken up asking questions. Did you know that Luka was a suspect?" She laughed ironically and shook her head when Susan and Abby nodded, their faces holding the same amusement she felt at that theory.

"Have they found him yet?" Abby asked as she lifted the edge of the comforter and covered her legs with it. "It's freezing in here," she complained and rubbed her arms.

Sam smiled tightly.

"My mom told Luka to adjust the air conditioning the other day when it was really warm - he hasn't changed it back yet," Sam told them and Abby simply shrugged while Susan copied Abby and covered herself with the large fluffy comforter. "And no, or at least they haven't told me yet if they have," she shrugged and slid further into the warmth.

They were in silence for a few minutes until Susan licked her lips and leaned forward, closer to Sam.

"You have to let him help you, Sam," she said, her voice but a mere whisper.

Sam shook her head and cleared her throat several times and swallowed past the lump there.

"I don't know if I can," she muttered.

"He needs to help you as much as you need to let him," Susan continued firmly.

Sam frowned but shook her head again.

"What do you mean?"

"He loves you Sam."

Sam looked guiltily at Abby as she uttered those words but Abby's face was gentle, truthful and Sam felt a wave of guilt course through her.

"He loves you and the only way he's going to get past this is if you let him help you. Have you _actually_ looked at him at all? He's a mess. When I saw him last, he looked like someone had dug him out of the ground and propped him next to your bed."

Sam laughed slightly at that image but remained silent.

"I've never seen him like that with anyone, Sam. Closing off is his way of dealing with it. And if I know Luka at all, I know he'll be sitting down the stairs blaming himself for all of this happening. He'll find backtracks to him through the most complicated routes. It's ridiculous but it's Luka."

Susan nodded her agreement and Sam simply looked at the chair in the corner.

John and Luka had stopped talking for some time before they heard the bedroom door open upstairs and heard Abby and Susan say their goodbyes.

"Neela sends her regards and wants you to call her as soon as, she's been going out of her mind," Abby's voice trailed down the stairs and John smiled.

"That reminds me," he said as he sat up. "Weaver sends her usual sentiments and told me to tell you that if you don't phone her by tomorrow, you don't have a job," he laughed.

Luka laughed too and John noted that there was some genuine humour behind it this time.

"And Luka?" Luka looked at him. "I'm sorry."

Luka smiled and shook his head as he swung his leg back down onto the floor.

"You ready to go, Carter?" Susan asked as she pulled her hat over her head.

John stood up and nodded.

"How is she?" He asked as he tossed his jacket across his shoulders.

Abby looked quickly to Luka and smiled gently.

"She just needs a little bit of TLC," she said and laughed to herself.

John nodded and smiled, placed his arms around the two women and ushered them towards the door.

"I'll see you guys later," Luka said as he followed them to the door.

"Later," they chorused and he closed the door after they left, locked it and went back to his place on the couch.

10.02.

He sighed. Maybe he would get some sleep tonight and tomorrow would be a better day.

_I'm going to try to get some sleep  
Join the great subconscious club  
Do you realise I don't know what to do?  
This day will die tonight and there ain't no exception  
Love me in this fable, babe, my heart is in your hand  
Our time is waiting right outside your door  
And maybe tomorrow is a better day_  
**  
TBC**


	45. Chapter 44

Sam stared up at the ceiling and fiddled with the broken chain in her hand that she had found tucked between the two pillows on the bed. She didn't know whether he had left it there on purpose or not but she found its presence strangely comforting.

Susan and Abby had left over five hours ago and she was still riling from their words.

_"You need to let him help you."_

But how? How could she subject him to that?

She scratched her face lightly and turned her upper body slightly, attempting to get comfortable without jostling her leg about too much. It was no easy task.

Sleep was simply not coming to her.

Sighing, she shifted her body again and pulled the covers tighter around her body.

- -

"Luka?"

Luka slowly pulled his arm away from his eyes and let it fall against the back of the sofa and he opened his eyes and lazily turned them in the direction of her voice. Easing himself into a sitting position, he swung his legs off the make-shift bed and leaned his elbows on his thighs and massaged his eyes with his fingers.

"What are you doing up?" He mumbled through his hands.

He dropped his hands and muffled a yawn, swallowed it in his throat and looked at her. He could see her bare foot and her pink foot. Her ankles were flashing to him but the rest of her disappeared underneath a dark blue robe that feel just at his knees. Normally he would have smiled at how cute she looked drowned in his clothing. But tonight he didn't. Her hands were gripping onto the handles of her crutches, the royal blue robe scrunching up at the wrists. Her face was half hidden in the dim light, the only source coming from the orange street lamp outside his lounge window. Her hair was curly once again and the small chunk of hair - a _fringe_, he'd been told - was bouncing about above her right eyebrow. He looked away.

He heard her click closer to him and he wondered how he hadn't heard her clobber down the stair. 

When he next saw her, she was perched on the edge of the coffee table in front of him, her cast leg sticking straight out in front of her, only a few inches from his big toe. Raising his eyes to hers, he saw tiredness reflect from their tepid depths and he saw her uncertainty.

"I... I couldn't sleep," she answered honestly and he nodded.

He knew what she was asking.

"You want some warm milk?" He saw her shake her head. "Tea?" Again. "Hot chocolate?"

He once again raised his eyes to her and only when she had his eyes did she shake her head. He held her gaze, bit the inside of his lip and nodded.

"Okay..."

He stood up from his seated position and waited until she stood before walking behind her up the stair, his hand hovering over her back, just in case. When they reached the top landing, he moved in front of her and opened the door to the bedroom and stepped inside, holding it open long enough for her to step through.

Closing it, he watched as she moved towards the bed and when he saw her detach the crutches from her grip, he moved over to her and took them from his grasp and almost melted at the smile of thanks she sent him.

What she _did_ to him...

His heart was racing in his chest, his hands shook as he rested the minute walking apparatus against the wall beside the bed and his mouth become suddenly parched when he saw her struggle into the bed.

He waited until she stopped fussing around and pulled the covers up under her shoulders before he sat on the edge of the bed, propped the pillows against the headboard and then leaned back onto them, keeping at least a foot between his and Sam's bodies.

He heard her sigh and he let out his own breath and blew air into his cheeks.

"Did I wake you?"

He turned to her with his head and drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them to hide the fact that his hands were shuddering. Her whisper sent a shiver down his spine but he smiled through it.

"Not really," he replied.

He hadn't exactly been asleep, just swaying on the edge of it, his mind tumbling through the events of the past months. The train crash - his first meeting with Sam-, the constant arguments they had over patients, her showing up at his apartment, the bonding session over their losses that led to the bonding session of their bodies... the list went on and on.

"What were you thinking about?"

He looked down at the question and felt her move and move - probably unconsciously - closer to him. He licked his dry lips with his spongey tongue and looked back up at her, his eyes seeking hers.

"Just..." should he tell her the truth? He closed his eyes and shook his head. "Just everything that's happened since I met you," he admitted, his eyes leaving hers as soon as the confession left his mouth.

He heard her breath catch in her throat and he covered his face with a hand and breathed through his fingers.

"Do you... regret what happened between us?"

He dropped his hand and turned sharply to her, her face a picture of uncertainty and loss. He shook his head vehemently and his hand made to reach out to her but he stopped it.

"God, _no_. I have never been so... _No_." His eyes drifted over the familiar features on her face, her bruises slowly disappearing and leaving the natural beauty that she oozed. "And don't ever think I do."

He watched as her eyes flicked away from his and her hand reached up and rubbed them.

_You made her cry, Kovac, way to go._

He bit his lip and shook his head, turning away from her. She was laying on her side, facing him, her cast leg lying behind her left leg so as not to crush it. He knew that the position must be uncomfortable for her healing ribs. 

Silence filled the room for long minutes after his confession and he looked around the dim room. Her clothes were spilled all over the place and he could see his cupboard door open in the corner and saw that it was much fuller than it should have been if it had just been his clothing in it.

He felt the bed move and he turned to her, seeing her attempting to struggle out of the robe. Her arms were free and she was attempting to pull it out from under her body.

"Do you want me to help you?" He asked gently and saw her nod. "What do you want me to do?"

"Just... pull it out when I lift by butt off of it," she laughed slightly and he smiled despite his mood.

"Okay."

He saw her use her arms to lift her lower half off the bed and he yanked the dressing gown away from under her when he felt her weight lift off it.

"Got it," he said as he tossed it to the floor at the side.

He felt his lungs stop midway through breathing in when he saw her sleeping attire - a light pink strappy top that cut low down and where the covers had fallen away from her waist, he saw that she was wearing a pair of mini-shorts in a light blue colour that matched rather well with the top.

Cornflower, it reminded him of.

He looked away again and continued breathing.

"Luka," she began after another few minutes of silence. He turned his head to her again and rubbed his legs as a chill settled over them.

So much for spring settling in.

"This... none of this is your fault," she whispered to him as she shuffled further down on the bed and he jerked when he felt her hand brush against his arm.

He felt his head drop as his strength left him. He was suddenly hit by a wave of fatigue and all he wanted to do was crawl back down the stairs and go to sleep. He wasn't ready for this conversation.

"Sam..." He complained, his voice grating like an old key in a rusty lock. 

"No, Luka. Listen to me," she forced and he drew his cheeks together. "None of this is your fault - there is nothing you could have done to stop this from happening."

"If I hadn't come around that day, he wouldn't have had reason to do this to you, Sam," he interrupted her sharply.

"You couldn't have lived with yourself if you hadn't come around, Luka. I couldn't have lived with myself if I knew the last time I saw you was when you... left me in my apartment that night, I was just too much of a coward to actually come and see you."

He shook his head and thrust his tongue into his cheek to stop from biting back at her.

"You would never have been leaving if I hadn't broken off us. You wouldn't have lost our child if we hadn't had an affair because you wouldn't have been carrying it in the first place," he said bitterly but she paid no attention.

"I thought you said you didn't regret us?"

"I don't."

"What you just said makes me think otherwise."

He didn't know what to say. She had him stumped on that one.

"I know what you've been doing, Luka. You've been moping around trying to figure out how to make this all your fault. But it's not." Her hand covered his knee but he pulled his knee away from her. "A part of me wants you to hate me; a part of me still thinks that you do."

He gawked at her shy admission and shook his head.

"What? That's insane! Why would you... why would I hate you?" He asked vehemently.

She closed her eyes and bit onto her bottom lip as she fought with the tears in her eyes.

"I... you lost another child because of me," she whispered eventually and he shook his head.

"Sam... don't do this to yourself. It wasn't your fault." He laughed quietly after that and Sam frowned at him. "Here was me thinking that you wouldn't let me touch you because you blamed me, but it was really because you blamed yourself."

Sam nodded and swiped at her suddenly runny nose.

They were in silence again after that and Luka shifted down the bed, his hands clasping over his chest as he stared at the ceiling.

"When I saw you... I was so sure that I was going to lose you... I..." Tears jumped to his eyes. God, he had never cried so much in his entire life - not even when his goldfish died. "I couldn't go through that again, Sam..."

He didn't bother wiping away the tear that trickled past his eyelid and slid down the side of his face and was making it's way to his ear when he felt Sam's fingers catch it. Her touch surprised him.

"I'm here... I'm here, Luka," she murmured, her voice thick with fatigue and unshed tears. "I'm here," she repeated as she fanned her fingers out across his lips and chin.

God, he was shivering under her touch.

She yawned and he turned his head slightly to look at her and he tried to ignore the burning sensation her fingers made as they slid across his bottom lip.

"Go to sleep, Sam," he whispered and turned back to the ceiling.

He heard her sigh deeply and he smiled as she retracted her hand. She rolled onto her back and slid further into the covers.

"Are you staying?" She murmured.

Luka turned his eyes to her again and took in her closed eyed, peaceful expression.

"Do you want me to?" He asked uncertainly but she nodded. "Then I'll be here."

She nodded and he turned away once more. 

Luka spotted the light control on the bedside cabinet and reached out to grab it and put the lights out. Long minutes passed and he heard her breathing even out and, assuming she was asleep, Luka turned on his side and watched her.

"Luka?"

"What?" He asked, his own voice laden with sleep.

"I'm not going to shatter if you touch me."

He watched her for a second more, and then stood up from the bed, pulled the covers up and slid under them. He shuffled until his body was but a millimetre from hers and he stopped.

"I can't feel you..." she informed him with a smile but Luka let out an apprehensive breath. "Luka, I'm not going to break," she reiterated gently and he moved that tiny bit closer to her.

Her body tensed slightly when his naked legs touched hers and he stopped but soon her body relaxed against his and he moved the rest of his body closer to her. 

"Closer..." she said and he smiled slightly and moved his head closer to hers, so they were touching all the way down her side. "Closer..." he grinned and slid forward a bit more, his left leg sliding over her left leg a little. "Closer..." He let out an airy laugh and shook his head.

"Any closer and I'm going to be lying on top of you, Sam," he told her with a smile playing on his lips and in his voice.

"I just want to feel you, so I know you're real."

"I'm real, Sam," he assured her.

"Then just a little closer."

He manoeuvred his body and smiled when he felt her hand on his head pushing it down until it was resting on the top of her breast, near her shoulder. She lifted his arm and placed it delicately across her abdomen and he smiled as she wrapped her leg around his, urging his lower half further over her body. When she had stopped fidgeting with his body he let her rest for a moment before lifting his head and pushing himself up to the side of her face, ignoring her complaints.

He pressed his right cheek against hers and then turned his head and placed a soft, lingering kiss there before moving his head back down to where she had ushered it to.

"Volim te, Sam," he murmured against her skin and flexed his fingers over her hip slightly.

"I volim te too, Luka," she laughed and he turned his head further into her skin laughing gently. He felt her stomach muscles tense as she craned her neck and then felt her lips on his hair. "I love you too, Luka," she whispered again and stroked her fingers over his back.

_Against all this I contrast you, when all is lost the war is through (Hey angel)  
Dare the winds now we can fly  
This day will die tonight and there ain't no exception  
And maybe tomorrow is a better day_

Jocelyn bustled towards her daughter's room to rouse her. She was beginning to worry about the lack of communication she had seen between Sam and Luka. She was supposed to go back to Elgin that day but she was seriously thinking of extending her visit if she didn't see some improvements within the next few hours.

Opening the door to Sam's bedroom, she was fully inside the doorway, had the door closed and was in the process of walking towards the bed before she saw the two bodies entangled together.

She smiled at the sight.

Luka had his head on Sam's chest, his arm strewn across her stomach, his leg entangled with Sam's good one. Sam had one hand in Luka's hair (the one that belonged to the arm that he was half lying on) and the other was laying at her side and, on closer inspection, she saw that their fingers were entangled together at Sam's hip.

Jocelyn smiled and moved towards the bottom of the bed where the sheets were a crumpled mess. Straightening them out, she pulled them back across the two slumbering lovers' and made her way back to the door.

Once she was back outside, she closed the door as quietly as possible and then smiled.

Maybe things were going to be okay.

_  
You are pulled from the wreckage  
Of your silent reverie  
Your in the arms of the angel  
May you find some comfort there_

**The End.**


	46. Epilogue

**EPILOGUE**

_Three months later..._

"Hey," Luka said as he walked up to admit, his jacket on and a grin spread across his face.

Abby smiled and walked over to him, placing a chart in the rack beside his arm.

"I didn't know you were on today," she said and watched as he shook his head.

He was a lot happier now than she had ever seen him. He seemed to smile at everything, he lost his temper a lot less and when someone mentioned Sam's name, even if it was just in passing, he always ended up wearing the biggest shit-eating grin on his face that Abby had ever seen. She had to admit, she was jealous - he had never got that airy look on his face when someone talked about her, or the gentle smile when she walked into the room the same way he did with Sam. But she was happy for him and the green-eyed monster within her would disappear as quickly as it surfaced when she realised that he was _happy_.

"I'm not," he said vaguely and grinned a little more. "Sam got her cast off today; she's still upstairs with Doctor Gray." He nodded his head and smiled, his eyes dancing.

"That's great!" Carter said as he walked up, clearly over-hearing their conversation.

Abby turned to him and smiled as he placed a hand on her elbow. She turned back to Luka and saw him raise a curious, amused eyebrow but she shook her head and grinned some more.

"So... why I'm here. I was just wondering if you guys wanted to come over tonight when you finish your shifts?"

Carter moved back towards them and nodded his head.

"That'd be great but I don't get off till nine."

Luka nodded at him.

"That's fine." He turned back to Abby and raised another questioning eyebrow. "Abby?" She nodded. "And ask Susan, Neela, and Ray... you know."

Abby nodded and smiled, patting his forearm playfully.

"Okay, Luka, we'll pass the message on."

He smiled sheepishly and then grinned. Abby rolled her eyes at his glee.

"Eight?"

Abby turned and he grinned again and walked away sending a wave back towards them.

She and Carter watched him walk out and then turned to one another.

"He seems happy," John said quietly, happy for Luka.

"Yep," Abby smiled and nodded before moving past Carter and lifting another clipboard off the rack.

- -

Sam looked up when she heard the unfamiliar sound of the El pass over her head. She felt a shiver run down her spine as she remembered the accident.

It felt good to be standing on two legs with no crutches; she grinned and spun around in a slow circle. She really had to shave her leg, she remembered and grinned.

She turned full circle and looked back up towards the El station. It seemed so long ago since she had been in that awful day that caused so many their lives. She remembered waking up underneath Luka and thinking that he was dead - God how glad she was both now and then that he wasn't.

She felt an arm slide across her back and felt a hand grip onto her upper arm. She leaned into him slightly and pressed her head against the side of his chest.

"The station's opened up again," she told him and pointed in the direction of the stairs that led up to the El.

She felt him nod as he dropped his head onto hers and she smiled. He kept touching her. She wasn't used to being shown so much affection - even after seven months of being on the receiving end of it from him, even though four of those months were when they were supposed to _not_ be touching one another.

"I know," he mumbled into her hair and she smiled again. "They re-opened it about three weeks ago. They have a plague up at all the stations commemorating all the casualties."

Sam laughed slightly and shook her head.

"A plaque, Luka. Not a plague."

He smiled sheepishly and she could just imagine the little blush that touched his cheeks, he always got it when he made a silly mistake like that.

"Do you... want to go up?" He asked as he moved in front of her slightly, so he could look at her face.

She looked at him, then up to the station and shook her head.

"No... have you been up yet?" She asked as she tugged at his waist and began walking him towards his truck.

He shook his head and pulled her closer into him.

"I like being able to walk beside you like this without the threat of your crutch squashing my toe," he joked and Sam playfully slapped his chest.

"Shut up," she laughed and pulled away from him but was swiftly pulled back towards him, his body turning to face hers and he wrapped his arms around her back, holding her tightly to his chest.

He watched her eyes as she smiled at him and he leaned his forehead against hers and smiled down to her.

"I'm just really glad you're okay," he whispered to her and she broke out in a smile.

He saw her eyes drifting between his eyes and his lips and he smiled himself. Leaning forward, he parted his lips slightly and captured her bottom lip between the two of his. Feeling her tongue run over her lip he opened his mouth fully and allowed her entrance to his mouth.

Wrapping his arms further around her, he gently pulled his lips from hers and urged her head into his chest and stroked her hair gently, feeling her breaths on his chest through his shirt.

"Come on," he said eventually, regretfully pulling away from her. "We have some shopping to do."

She groaned and slid an arm around his waist and watched as he placed his sunglasses over his eyes, marvelling at how much more sexy they made him. She wasn't sure she'd be able to wait till they got home before she jumped him.

- -

Sam was still not impressed by Luka inviting everyone over when she opened her door and saw Abby and Susan standing there, with Neela and Ray behind them.

She smiled warmly, despite her annoyance and ushered them in, taking the proffered bottles and items of food and made her way to the kitchen listening to the chat in her home. Kerry Weaver had stopped by earlier with Sandy and their son Henry to check on Sam - she had been surprised as hell when she opened the door and saw her standing there. Apparently it showed as Weaver smiled and Sandy told her that Kerry had changed since Henry arrived.

Sam had simply nodded and ushered them in.

She opened the door of the fridge and frowned at the amount of beer bottles that rattled about and she wondered where she was going to put her and Susan's preferred alcohol - the wine. Deciding that it wasn't going to fit, she pulled out two glasses and took the bottle and the three tubs of ice cream into the lounge and plopped down next to Abby on the lounge and handed a glass to Susan who was sitting at her feet and passed a tub of ice-cream to Abby, Neela and kept one for herself.

"What, am I not getting one?" Susan complained as she poured a glass of wine.

"You can share mine," Abby placated her and flipped a dollop of ice cream at her from her spoon.

Screeching, Susan stood up and caught the dollop before it fell to the floor. 

"You're gonna pay for that, Lockhart," she threatened but Abby simply raised her eyebrow and smiled.

"Where's Doctor Kovac?" Neela asked through a mouthful of Karamel Sutra and Sam laughed.

"You're in his house, I think you can call him Luka," Sam said and Neela nodded. "He's picking up Carter and then going to get some 'real' food."

- -

The night continued on and the group of friends got progressively more drunk - except Luka, Sam and Carter who simply couldn't stop laughing at Neela as she vented about how racist many of the ER's patients were.

Abby watched Luka absent mindedly lift Sam's legs and place them across his knee, his hand sliding up the bottom of her jeans and caressing her ankle. Luka never absent mindedly did anything like that with her, she remembered but smiled when she saw Sam turn her eyes to him and rub her thumb across Luka's elbow. 

Glancing away, she looked back down at Susan who was sprawled across the floor, asleep and then to Carter who she noticed had been watching her. When their eyes met, she smiled and looked quickly away. Ray was watching Neela as she slurred her words and leaned tiredly against him. Turning back to Sam and Luka, she saw that Sam's eyes had closed and that Luka was watching her with a gentle smile crossing his lips.

She couldn't help but smile.

"I think it's time we all started heading out," Carter said from the corner and nodded to Sam and Luka and Abby nodded.

"Yeah."

- -

Luka placed Sam's body on the bed and pulled the covers over her. She was out cold.

Placing a kiss on her forehead, he turned and left the room to say final goodbyes to his guests.

Ray and Neela had already left and it was just Abby, John and Susan (who had eventually woken up). He sat down next to Susan on the sofa and smiled at her tired expression.

"How is she?" John asked as he nodded in the direction of the bedroom.

"Out like a lamp," Luka said gently and saw that John and Abby shared a look. "What?" He asked, realising he had made a mistake.

"Out like a light, Luka," Abby told him with a smile on her face and Luka felt his cheeks tingle slightly.

"Oh..."

"So... any news on Steve?" Abby asked but Luka shook his head.

"Haven't heard anything, it's like he vanished into thin air - Sam's kind of freaked out but..."

"Yeah..."

They fell into silence again.

"Car's here," John said, eventually when his vibrator went off in his pocket, and he stood and moved to Susan to help her stand.

Luka laughed at her drunken state: it really hadn't taken much for her to end up in the state she was in.

"Bye," Luka said a few minutes later and closed the door.

He trudged up the steps of his apartment towards his bedroom, unbuttoning his shirt as he did so.

By the time he reached his bed, he was clad only in his boxers but before sliding in beside Sam, he watched her. She looked beautiful. Her hair spiralled across the pillow, her back turned to him. Sighing and wondering how he had been so lucky as to find her, he pulled the covers up at the side and slid in beside Sam, moving his body close to hers.

When he reached his hand out, he was surprised to feel skin beneath his fingertips and his breath hitched slightly in his throat but when she turned to him - her eyes still closed, her breathing even - he felt his lungs cease all function as she slid her cool hand across his naked hip and pull herself closer to him, her naked breasts pressing into his chest.

Slowly, he exhaled a breath and wrapped his arms around Sam, his hand dipping to the base of her spine and then lower, still feeling only skin. He squeaked quietly when he felt her slide her thigh between his, her soft skin gliding easily across his skin and he tilted his head upwards trying to kill the groan in his throat.

He dropped his chin onto her head when she settled and let out a sigh. Fourteen weeks without making love to Sam had left him _wanting_ her and it was taking all his will power not to wake her up and show her how much. It was at the point where, when her fingers brushed his as she passed him the remote, he would begin hyperventilating. And so, he realised, attempting to get to sleep with naked Sam wrapped around him was going to be no easy task.

Asleep naked Sam who was beginning to trace her fingers in circles over his hips bone. He bit down onto his lip and rolled his eyes at the sensation.

Sam tried to control her own breathing at feeling his thigh pressed against hers, his slowly awakening arousal pressing her thigh, at his fingers clutching her back as he attempted to keep his passion under control. 

Fourteen weeks with no sex with Luka had left her wanting him. Sure, he had relieved some of her sexual frustration with his hands - and, _boy_, what good hands they were - but it was simply not the same as having _him_ inside of her.

She dragged her nails over his hips and then lightly across the base of his spine, across the waistband of his boxers - Calvin Klein ones if she remembered correctly from when he had leaned forward to grab something off the table and the waistband had peeked over the waistband of his jeans, teasing her.

She heard him groan and she grinned against his chest.

"I thought you were asleep," he complained as he pulled back slightly to look at her but she kept her eyes closed.

"I am," she muttered seductively and ran the edge of her tongue over her lips and pressed her hand flat against his back, pushing him closer to her.

"So what are you doing?" He asked as he trickled his finger up the side of her ribcage and then over the front, just under her breast.

"Sleep touching," she mumbled airily as her eyes involuntarily opened.

"So that's what they're calling it now," he laughed as he ran his thumbs around the edges of her nipples, causing them to harden under his touch and he smiled when she arched her back into his touch.

She pulled herself up the front of his body, her thigh rubbing against him and he groaned, turning his head into his pillow at the colours that flooded his brain at her touch. He opened his eyes and saw her deep, dark eyes staring back at him.

"I'll let you in on a secret," she muttered as she moved her lips closer to his ear. 

"What's that?" He uttered against her throat and darted his tongue against her clavicle.

She licked her lips and the tip of her tongue brushed against the skin just below his ear lobe and he groaned against her skin.

"I want you," she whispered.

_These walls keep a secret  
that only we knew  
but how long can they keep it  
because we're two lovers who lose control  
we're two shadows chasing rainbows_

Luka slid his body over hers and she fell onto her back, her hair floating out beneath her head. He stared deep into her eyes, his breath washing over her lips causing them to part of their own accord. He saw her eyes dart down to his lips and back up to his eyes. He kept her stare for a moment and then slowly dropped his eyes to her lips, stared at them for a long while then drew his eyes back up to her eyes which were closed.

He grinned, somewhat evilly, and pulled his body away from her causing her to screech in complaint and sit up.

He grinned open mouthed at her from the base of the bed.

"Where are you going?" She complained and pouted, her heart beating in her chest painfully, her body already entirely aroused by him.

"To put the light out," he replied innocently and moved towards the light switch and flipped it off, casting the room into relative darkness.

Sam waited impatiently for his silhouette to appear in the darkness but as the minutes past, he remained stubbornly elusive. Then, she heard a grating sound and then a click and then she saw a yellow flame appear in the corner of the room, then Luka's outline as he lit a candle on the dresser in the corner.

She couldn't help it - she smiled happily, her eyes emanating how much she loved this man.

He continued around the room, until he had lit thirteen candles and then moved back towards the bed and lit two more, one on either bedside cabinet.

Sam watched as he placed the small tea-light into a glass holder and watched as the orange glow flickered across his face, lighting his azure eyes. He slowly turned towards her and Sam was awe-struck at how beautiful he looked with half of his face cast in shadow, the other half tanned and flickering in the romantic light. His eyes bore into hers and she couldn't breathe when she felt the bed dip as he crawled across it towards her. She felt him slide a leg across her hips as his hands urged her thighs apart. She complied easily and felt him place his - rather lovely - bottom between her thighs, his legs wrapping around her waist as his hands covered hers as they lay on the bed. She shivered as his hand slowly slid up her arms, over her shoulders, tracing her neck bones and then cupping her face.

What he _did_ to her...

She saw him cock his head on his neck and she smiled at the contented look that washed over his face as he looked at her. She saw him bite his lip and his eyes dropped from hers. She shuddered when his index fingers stroked underneath her ears and she closed her eyes.

"Sam..."

She opened her eyes and stared back into his eyes and wondered why he looked so torn apart.

"I love you."

He'd said it to her before but this time... she felt her heart ache slightly and she realised that it wasn't from heartbreak - it was from love for this man before her. His pained words dug deep into her and she shuddered as she felt their wonderfully painful effect on her insides.

_If walls could talk - oh  
They would say 'I want you more'  
They would say 'Hey - never felt like this before'  
And that you would always be  
The one for me_

She was about to reply when she felt his lips on hers. The soft touch took her breath away and when his tongue pushed into her mouth she took it in willingly. She felt her heart flutter but when his arms slid around her body she felt something more profound, something deeper than anything she had ever felt before. It erupted in the pit of her stomach and spread out through her body, flooding her in its warmth and she pulled him down with her and felt his body cover hers entirely, she groaned, basking in the feeling of safety she had when she was trapped under his giant size.

She pushed one hand into his hair and the other down his back to his - now naked - butt and she traced the back of her nails down the side and felt his legs shake slightly under her touch. She felt his gentle, powerful hand on her breast massaging gently, urging her nipple into towering peaks and she groaned as his tongue traced down her jaw, over her neck and shoulder, leaving behind a wet, fiery trail. His hand in her hair trailed forward over her cheek and she turned her head slightly and grabbed his thumb with her teeth. She felt him groan against her breast and she felt her already painfully aroused core pulse more. 

_Just two people making memories  
Too good to tell  
and these arms are never empty  
When we're lying where we fall_

He felt her teeth on his thumb, her tongue stroking it, gently sucking on it and he groaned. Sliding his thigh between her legs and felt the heat emanating from within her. He dragged his hand from it's happy place on her breast, down the side of her body, over her bumcheek (I'm sorry, but that word makes me laugh so much!) and across the top of her thigh and finally he stroked her. His lips on her breast parted and he gasped at how easily his finger slid finger slid into her. Withdrawing it quickly, he crawled back up her body and he pulled her jaw open so he could have his thumb back. His tongue met hers, mouths open wide and he groaned when he felt her hand slide down his chest and to his arousal, her thumb stroking him in circles. 

He almost came undone at her touch.

He continued to massage her breast with one hand as he slid his hand back down her body to her hip bone, which he kneaded with his fingers. Feeling her hand encompass him, he flipped their positions so she was astride him, his mouth never leaving hers, her unoccupied hand trapped behind his head, urging him further and further into her.

He felt it from deep within, so profound, so painful but yet so beautiful. He loved her. He _loved_ her. So much that it hurt.

He kept his knee crooked to keep pressure applied to her core and he felt her move up and down on his hip bone slightly as she felt the same arousal he did. He hooked both of his arms under her shoulders and pushed his hands into her hair, pulling her head further into his. He couldn't get enough of her. The way she smelt, the way she felt, the way she kissed him... he wanted it all, forever. Sliding one hand down her back, her cupped her butt and then straightened his leg and heard her whimper into his mouth. He drew his hand further down her butt, in between her thighs and found her throbbing bud with his thumb and forefinger, massaged gently until he felt her body begin to shake.

_We're painting pictures, making magic,  
Taking chances,  
Making love_

He pulled his fingers away from her and flipped their positions, pulling her hands away from him and pushing them to the side of her head, fingers intertwined together beside her ears, he stared into her dark eyes and leaned forward and kissed the tip of her nose. Seeing her smile slightly, he lowered himself into her and saw her part her lips and close her eyes, a smile crossing over her lips and then her teeth clench together as he began thrusting, slowly, agonisingly. He gripped tighter onto her fingers and she did the same to him. His eyes closed of their own accord and he dropped his forehead onto hers and thrust faster, harder, revelling in being inside of her, where he belonged.

He heard her call his name into the charged air around them , felt her muscles contract around him and he crushed his lips to hers, their tongues matching the actions of their lower bodies, stroking, teasing, loving. He groaned into her mouth and felt both his and her bodies shuddering, her legs tightening around him. Their bodies jerked as their orgasms surged through them and Luka pulled his lips away from her to breathe.

_If the walls had eyes - my  
They would see the love inside  
They would see - me  
In your arms in ecstasy  
And with every move they'd know  
I love you so_

Minutes passed and still he couldn't fill his lungs with the necessary amounts of oxygen required. Lifting his head from her neck, he saw her in the same state as him, her thighs still shaking around his butt.

He separated a hand from hers and pushed it to her face, sliding the sweaty hairs off of her sweat soaked head, stroking her eyebrow and staring down at her. He had never seen her look more beautiful.

He felt her shaky fingers at his temple, stroking gently and he turned his head and kissed her palm tiredly. His arms began to shake as his muscles became fatigued and he dropped onto her again, his head finding the crook of her neck and kissing it gently. 

More minutes passed in silence and Luka's thumb stroked her rib cage softly. Eventually, he managed to pull his head up again and he looked at her with a smile.

"You know, we never use protection," he told her simply and felt her shrug slightly.

"We don't need it," she replied with the same tone he had used and he raised his eyebrow.

"We don't?"

She shook her head.

"A little LukaSam baby wouldn't be totally unwelcomed, I don't think."

He simply smiled and nodded, dropping his head once more to her neck. 

"I better put these candles out," he said after another long while had passed and he regretfully pulled out of her arms.

Standing, he turned his back to the bed and took a few steps away when he heard her call his name.

"Luka."

He turned and saw a blur fly towards him, then felt the impact of her body hitting his and he laughed as he caught thighs as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

"I love you," she told him and leaned down and kissed him.

Luka began moving back towards the bed again, forgetting about the candles.

_When I'm feeling weak  
You give me wings  
When the fire has no heat  
You light it up again  
When I hear no violins  
You play my every string  
So stop the press  
Hold the news  
The secret's safe between me and you_

**The Very End. (Until the sequel, at least)**


End file.
